All Comments on 'A Key West Saturday'

A nice write

Of more than a ride

Through the pulse

Of a Key West night.

I was drawn in immediately from the first lines.

What if you chose to edit the wind,

rewrite the way it tosses her hair - Oi! Love this!

And, oh no! You mentioned Springteen. Ack! Then Patti Smith and Janis Joplin...(I like you now. LOL!)

as she moans the song – Janis this time

and you leave a piece of your heart right there

throbbing the pulse of a Key West Saturday

(Damn! This was good!)

Great word choice and imaginary. I'm one who's very picky about punctuation, but you managed to pull this off with a smooth read having good line breaks. Write on!

first line..and the discriptions are nicely packed...and tight..feeling the winds of time in the ole town...been there I have a clue..blue

Your poem helps bring the images back. A couple things:

--"circa" doesn't seem right. Def is "at, in, or of approximately -- used especially with dates." I assume you're trying to evoke PSG's "Because the Night". Maybe "Springsteen via Patti Smith"?

--"Earnest" s/b "Ernest" I think, unless you're also trying to invoke Oscar Wilde.

Cool poem.

By far my favorite of your three poems today.

The pace and flow meshed perfectly with the subject matter.

The first strophe is terrific, and what a start this is:

What if you chose to edit the wind,

rewrite the way it tosses her hair

or the palms off Duval Street

the rushing sound of that forever breeze

and music clashing in the street

. . . really good.

I loved the way it just bounced along and twirled me with it. very enjoyable read :)

maria

I totally missed this in my reviews yesterday (tues). This very good work. Enjoyed it, thank you.