All Comments on 'Chocolate and Whip Cream Fun'

I tried to read this all the way through. I really did. I even checked your other work and saw you'd used spacing and punctuation in a different poem.

It really would have helped here. I am sure there were a few pearls buried inside this poem, it was just too hard for me to find them.

and the poem has potential but

this needs alot of editing,

the huge block of writing is

just too much on the eyes and

there is not enough punctuation.

this is constructive critism

and not meant to offend.

Thanks.

~ J

I've been guilty of writing a block of unpunctuated prose and placing it in the middle of a poem so i'm reluctant to criticize you for doing something similar but I think you need an artistic reason for doing it and to know why you are doing it.

You have some good ideas in this work that are lost because of the execution of the work.

IagreewiththeothersthatthisisjusttoohardtoreadforenjoymentWhynoteditandresubmititinadifferentformat

exspression of passion in an all out run of a write, passion poetry is found in the threads why not excepted here? they have the Enemies of the mind syndrome, I read what you wrote the way you expressed yourself was passionate, vibrant, energetic and wonderful, trial and error are the forward and backward pulls in sharpening the mind. Those who find they can't read without punctuation are those who drive very carefully needing to be told when and where to stop, I can hang in there with the best of them and let them put the pedal to the metal, let poetry roar, <grinin>

and delicious read.