- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Dandelion's Dance
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They're all arms and legs across
the stage. I'm amazed with the beauty
of something I've never watched
or ever cared for, but now I see them.
They're on pointe, white skirts whirling,
graceful as dandelion seeds
dancing on a breeze. As my flower floats
by, I make a wish she is this happy
always then root it all in memories.
- COMMENTS
KatieJonesalmost 11 years agoLoved this. Emotion came through very well. As a rule if I say something good I will offer a suggestion just so you don't think I am patting you on the back mindlessly. If I could change anything it would be for you to allow me the reader to come to the realization that you were 'amazed' through your description of your reaction instead of labeling it.
Tzaraalmost 11 years agoa very lovely poem, Neo. Evocative of your experience, and an experience That I am at least a bit envious of.
Desejoalmost 11 years agoInteresting - many of us have assumed that these are very young girls dancing - but the poem doesn't say that. I found myself re-reading I'm amazed with the beauty
of something I've never watched/or ever cared for, but now I see them. That shouldn't work, because how can you be amazed by the beauty before you see them..but it works. Somehow. Very nice.
GuiltyPleasurealmost 11 years agoTippy-toes is almost en pointe and, to cignets (and the adoring audience) it is. Love this heartfelt peice.
UnderYourSpellalmost 11 years agoAgree with the comma after 'always' also I'm seeing this is as very young dancers and do they go up on points that soon before their feet are formed? Otherwise loved it
twelveoonealmost 11 years agocomma in last line
always, then root it all in memories.
but line still seems awkward
greenmountaineeralmost 11 years ago"Dandelion's," "something I never watched/or cared for," "They're," and "as my flower floats" flooded me with memories of my lovely daughter when she was 5 years old.
