- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Dark Skies
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She hurt, she bled
She fell, she said
She wanted to take it like a man
Limping and holding her hurt arm against her chest
What a painful way to live, day by day
Then she fell to her death
The bruises said it all
Someone had been hurting her all along
But she kept it hidden
And wound up in her grave
She was so young, people claimed
Who would hurt her like this?
The husband was suspected
But oddly enough it was not him
It took a call to the doctor's office to find
That she'd been her own abuser
She hurt, she bled
She fell, she said
And in the end she'd just been digging her grave
- COMMENTS
LeBrozabout 17 years agoI'll go with darkerdreamer on the punctuation issue over that of word choice. This piece tells an unusual tale that merits giving it a read, just to get you thinking and visualizing a bit.
Anonymousabout 17 years agoand probably happens more than we know.
Well done- great emotions.
Regards, Jack
darkerdreamerabout 17 years agoWhile I agree with the punctuation comment, I think some of the plain-wording worked very well in this piece. I especially like the "She" repetition, ("She hurt, she bled..."). I do think this poem could have had added emphasis from a few choice periods, maybe stanzas instead of punctuation. Only two poems in two years? I wish you'd write more ;) -2d
unapologeticabout 17 years agoIt's an interesting story, but you might want to reconsider some of your word choices. While plain language is good, you still want the sounds of the words to be a part of your choices. Also, I'd add some punctuation - such as a final period at the end of the poem.
