All Comments on 'Drummer'

Something about those musicians

well done, you captured it

I haven't written poetry since 9th grade, Thanks for the comment :)

I liked it. Saw a lot going on that really ain't got

anything to do with music, just the beat. A good voyeur

poem.

especially if this is your first poem since 9th grade! There are some bits that need fixing though--like

the skins it's flesh,

the air it's blood.

The grammar is off here, and you have some repetition of ideas across the poem. A good proofread can help--or use a Lit editor. Bottom line though this is a cool subject and shows a wonderful ability to use metaphor and be descriptive--I hope you'll post more poems that draw on your talent. :)

If you can find it, you might want to listen to Duke Ellington's "A Drum Is A Woman". It will really give you something to aim at.

"There was a man who lived in Barbados,

He met a pretty woman one day.

He took her home and when they got there . . .

she turned into. . . a drum!

"It isn't civilized to beat women,

no matter what they do or they say,

but will somebody please tell me . . .

What can you do with . . . a drum?"

I think you got away from it a bit as the poem went on. You might want to edit to fix the spelling on talent on the second line. Otherwise, pretty good.

jim :)

My spell checker is totaly wacked out right now. Not sure whats wrong it's not catching 1/2 of the errors..I'm kinda bummin :(

This one had me thinking of the fire circles, drum circles and dancing with my tamborine come august..

HomerPindar