by lobomao
and this one is really good. I tend to agree about the short lines for the most part, it can stutter a poem, in some cases, but this is really good!! Uses some new imagery, believe me, I have written a million garden poems( ask anyone here that remembesr before I deleted them all) and it gets hard to come up with something new after a while. Im impressed and will read your other "stuff" now. Keep up the good work!!!
maria
I think you hold the metaphor pretty well, though it is stretched too far and too long. I also think the formatting could be greatly improved. The continuous short lines are not purposeful, to me. I would consider a restructuring.