All Comments on 'Graves'

A slower steadier pace, measured by and controlled by the rhymes. Still three line verses with strong enjambment.

One tiny query. Is it really 'did' or 'died' in the final verse. I am not fully sure of the meaning either way.

I would love to know the creative process you go through. How much just comes and is right; how much do you have to work at & how?

Brilliant, exquisite and deeply moving - of course.

I agree with Cleardaynow and I have the same curiosity about your art and creative processes.

It left me with gentle sadness and a memory of flowers.

5ed

very, very good, but then you are, you do more innovative things with rhyme, than the next 10 people here, closing the stanza, and not interlocking *well except for

wasn't quite the same

adds to the isolation, and you are stepping out with novel word combinations

Closefisted light

and lines

indifference to order. Overgrown,

askew and out of line...

anonymously tidy graves are placed

like last war's traitors lined up at the wall –

brutal.

5ed of course

this is wicked, never seen this before, had to check it out, an Enclosed Triplet, but even then not what is expected, line ends not expected, have no idea what you are doing, but I like it.

is beyond me. I recommended in new poems, certainly deserves more comments

@Cleardaynow

I believe it's "too many years went by before she did (go by there). She is finally visiting, though the grave has been there for a while, now.

@1201

On the forum, you mentioned the graves were "restless". I believe the "anonymously tidy graves" might refer to a great amount of stacked coffins, built into the wall, but "anonymous", because they cannot be identified (they are either John / Jane Does, or they all died in a big accident / event / war, and were unrecognizable). Also, "anonymously tidy", which means it is some sort of memorial, and "someone" takes care of maintaining all graves, since there probably won't be any family coming (since the people who died aren't in any specific grave).

To further this line of thought, stanza 6 outright says that the person she buried isn't the person she thought she was burying. And the last stanza again says the person she is (finally) visiting isn't in the grave marked with her name. So maybe that's why the graves are restless.

Flat country under much too wide a sky,

the trees and buildings dwarfed. Closefisted light

lies on the narrow road that passes by

right off the bat, there's a sense of things out of proportion, things 'not right'. Flat country has allusions to sea beds (well, in my head it does) and sea beds are where sea-things fall in death. 'Closefisted light' is novel and very expressive, a meanness - a dearth of light (another clever allusion death/dearth?). Beginning L3 with 'lies on the narrow road' makes me see a car passing religious billboards advertising heaven and glory in the afterlife if you stayed true and didn't stray from the narrow path.

the tall wrought-iron gates; the day is stilled

and there's no sound but birds that twitter, far

behind the hedge. A wire basket, filled

so the tall gates here are wrought iron, not the pearly kind, but the link is there all the same - it has that tang of disappointment, a taste of blood in the mouth like the memory of life gone by. There's a comparison that happens between the size and mass (if you will) of the heavy gates and the wire basket. Like the promise v the reality.

with wilted flowers, almost spills its spoils

upon the well-raked gravel. Farther in,

there's grave, old headstones for so many foils;

yes, the fresher graves on the outskirts and a stepping back through time as the stones date earlier and earlier, abandoned by most. 'Spoils' was a good choice there, with all its connotations. Liked your use of 'grave' there - you took a risk with that, imo, flirting with cliche but avoided it by bedding it into such a visual phrase.

the day's solemnity breaks on their cold

indifference to order. Overgrown,

askew and out of line, they show a bold

perfect description, but more than that I feel this draws parallels to how so many old people, especially those with dementia or alzheimers, are seen by the rest of us.

defiance to the modern part, where all

anonymously tidy graves are placed

like last war's traitors lined up at the wall –

So powerful, so dehumanised.

you'll never find your well-beloved here

for she you buried wasn't quite the same

as she you loved so well; too many a year

went by before she did, and though the name

engraved in granite is a name you knew

here doesn't lie the one for whom you came.

These last two verses speaks directly to me of dementia/alzheimers. The body lingers but the people we knew are gone, or buried so deep already they are dead to us. Your use of form has helped keep this from the maudlin, allowing the space inbetween for control - reflecting a control of sorrow; it acts as a foil to show us more sharply the N's loss for the person they knew whilst their body still went through the motions of being alive.

Five.