Handy New Curse Words

Mumble, stumble from the bed.
Seeking yet again to reorient my head.
Water on, stare at the sink.
Open the door, it's ready I think.

Oh my god that's freezing cold,
As I trip backwards from the threshold.
Cursing my daughter for using it all,
I wait and wait for my hot waterfall.

A half hour later, it's still raining cubes,
And now see the day going down the tubes!
Down to the basement and sure enough,
The pilot light's out, not up to snuff.

The curse word I used is one that you know,
But still I'm not ready to totally blow.
An hour later, that's when it came,
A brand new word, though totally lame.

Up to the bedroom, pull on some clothes,
Off to the store is what I propose.
Ignoring the bandage now locked on my hand
I'll soon have this problem well in hand.

The piece I need is simple you see,
Not yet knowing it'll cost me a knee.
Back I come, my hopes sky high.
Soon I'm swearing like Captain Bligh.

Words two, three and four,
That's all I got for an hour or more.
Two and three were just like the first,
But number four was the best that I'd cursed!

But none of them helped, not one, not any!
No matter how I used them, few or many.
Still it stood there, old and rusty,
That old water heater was certainly untrusty!

I vowed to replace it, I did, I did.
I think I was addled, out of my id.
Back to the store to find one brand new,
Oh what a wad of money I blew!

I wrestled it home at the cost of a bruise,
That caused the next one as I blew my fuse.
Into the house and thence down the stairs.
There came my fate all unawares.

The last step down I tripped on my cat,
Down on my foot, oh what a splat!
The pain was so great, voiceless and white,
I couldn't look down, not at that sight.

Finally I screamed, oh did it hurt!
There was the last one, savage and curt.
The best of them all as I roared like an bull,
Oh so fearsome, violent and full.

So here I sit, admiring my cast.
Never again, this is the last.
Here is the moral, heed it well.
Avoid my fate, fearsome and fell.

Call a plumber!