Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
Love, the elusive rainbow
It's always been a den of thieves
Shysters and con men
Players looking for the notch
On the bedpost
Such behavior scorned
But privately in the locker rooms
High fives galore
While the girl tries to
Pick up the glass
Of her shattered dreams
Brick by brick
She builds walls
Around her broken heart
A dirty feeling
That a thousand showers
Can't wash away
- COMMENTS
ishtatover 9 years agoGood. Coupla points. Wouldn't it be publically in the locker room - as opposed to the private bedroom.
Second verse weakened by one or two cliches?
Don't like 'the girl' in the first line - too impersonal. Mebbe give her a name, it might soften the readers image of her and make her hurt even more stark.
I like your stuff. Ignore my meanderings if you'd rather.5
todski28over 9 years agovery well written and hits home like a sledge hammer, happens once it is too often, 5ed
