- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Lying on Quantum Foam
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
I hold you tightly against me,
clinging to you in the silvery moonlight,
but you are only
a shadow now,
my antiself,
a virtual abyss borrowed
from the false quantum vacuum,
waiting to
reabsorb me,
complete me,
reunite me
with the perfection
of empty blackness.
- COMMENTS
ishtatabout 13 years agoSuggest rewrite first two lines using only one verb, you don't need both "hold" and "clinging"
"silvery moonlight"...Ugggh
last two lines maybe lose "with, the, of, 'tion and 'ness, and reorder perhaps.
But I still like it a lot.
buttersabout 13 years agoi'm of the opinion that i like what's being said, though i'm not enthusiastic about the way it's being said. that's the overall feeling i get from this. however, your title, and 'my antiself' alone are phrases that make this worthwhile reading, for the imagery they conjure and the thoughts they send rippling outwards....
vrosej10about 13 years agoI love this poem. Your are getting a recommend. However, it needs an edit as there are some cliches and redundancies. It's easier to show them than tell. This just my opinion:
I hold you tightly,
clinging by moonlight,
but you are only
a shadow ,
my antiself,
a virtual abyss
from the false quantum vacuum,
waiting
reabsorb me,
reunite me
with the perfection
of empty blackness.
greenmountaineerabout 13 years agoThis is remarkable. It evokes so many important things to think about. I might have reversed the order of line 6 and line 7.
Outstanding poem. I look forward to reading more of what you write.
