by thegirlfriday11
however the varying line lengths and couplets made the rhyme feel very forced, as if you simply ended the line when you could finally get a rhyme to work. I think you would do better with this poem if you went to a less restrictive rhyme scheme. Perhaps choose a set line length (by syllable count) and then work to get the right rhyming words within that length. It is a good exercise in finding just the exact best word for each line in your poem.
jim : )
this is a wonderful look at the way we look at ourselves sometimes. Thanks!