All Comments on 'My Children'

This, like many of my poems, was written many years ago before my son was born. It is a poem written from my mother’s perspective. I was not really on speaking terms with her for the last few years of her life. The grievances I had did exist (I think it is true to say for instance that she preferred to see me fail rather than succeed) nonetheless she did care and my response was out of proportion, inappropriate and unkind. I am glad to say that my two siblings got on fine with her.

I do not think that her experience was unique. It is an extremely sad situation. I tried to write hinting some of the cause ‘Within my hand I thought I held their souls, though their lives appeared so much smaller then’ – an attitude that parents can have to their children.

This pulled at my heartstrings, I have to believe that with time will come understanding and forgiveness. Wonderfully written and of course 5ed

This could come from any parent. Most parents reading it will nod and understand. And though we've all been the child as well, as parents we forget they're whole complete people, until they stop treating us with adoration and speak their minds. That's when you learn who you are as well as who they are.

The thoughts you raised, the wishes.To me the third stanza is the heart and crux of the matter and strikes home the hardest. Perfectly expressed, Clearday.

I started to write a detailed comment yesterday but was called away. Although sad, there was something lyrical and captivating about the poem. Perhaps it's that twinge of anxiety all parents feel. I don't know for sure.

Line 3 is powerful, although I think I would have used "hands," which I think presents an image of infant children whose souls you are "holding." Perhaps you weren't thinking of infants at the time of writing, but the image still works for me because all young children are infants first.

If you were referring to their young years beyond infancy, then I think some narrative is needed to seguay to stanzas 3 & 4, but otherwise catapulting from the image of a proud father holding an infant to that child later detesting him re-enforces "careless," ie, you don't really know how it happened.

There's a syntax problem, I think, in lines 3 & 4 of the second stanza. Line 4 isn't a complete sentence. "Became" should be "become." It can stand, of course, because it's understandable, but I'm a stickler for grammar (I blame that on the nuns in school who wrapped my knuckles with their rulers every time I said "ain't." Just kidding, Clearday.) Easy remedy:

"My heart has become no smaller, I'm sure,

From where came that coldness as they grew.

Stanzas 3 & 4 move the poem towards a resigned conclusion effectively, which means sadly. The concluding lines 3-5 hint that there is still confusion. I liked that because it kept the tension and left the reader with something more to think about.

Nicely done, Clearday. I enjoyed reading it and parsing it.

bar 5ed, and a hope that the same thing doesn't happen to myself, that I may learn from the mistakes pointed out in the poem, a very sad 5ed