All Comments on 'My Dearest Master'

Welcome to Lit with this view from a sub and a sub's desires. Try trimming it down to increase the impact of the powerful emotions you're trying to present. In its present form, it feels more like a report than a passionate plea for submission.

This starts off better than your first piece but the last third weakens all you've accomplished here. Drop the last third and, with the remainder, do some tweaking and you can have a truly powerful piece from the view of a sub.