All Comments on 'Night Watch'

and I know how much I want my poems accepted when I try something new--and yet...it feels like there's too much here, too much alliteration, too many adjectives. Maybe it's me because it's good, but I think I like your poems more when they're a bit leaner. :)

like skippy focus shifter, but I have to agree with Ange. Put this poem on a diet. Just a little one. :)

Powerful couplets lead to an excellent poem here... the long lines, long sentences, driving force increase the paranoia to an explosion. Damn...

jim :)

That is how I felt basically the whole poem, lost. When I reached these lines,

"into a pinnacle of my cringing clawing consciousness

just long enough to record comprehensible moments fleeing,

behind lids lovingly shielding my neververse from a now

in this dark dreary room still hours from sunrise salvation."

although powerful and beautiful, coupled with your first 2 couplets my brain was on overload trying to comprehend what I had just read. I was lost with too many words.

I did have to read it twice, just to find my way out with a concept of what this poem was about. I did enjoy the fact you used uncommon words well, but there were just so many, by the end of the poem I was tired and just wanted out.

A good poem, but I think it needs a bit of editing. I hope I helped by telling you where I had problems. I don't want this to be harsh at all.

All the best,

GoddessRed