All Comments on 'On Your Face (A Ghazal)'

while i like how you've used the ghazal for this topic, i have a query about tense in those first two lines: why the crossing over of past/present tense? i found it a bit confusing. if it's not deliberate, then it's quite simply fixed.

Tonight, he'll linger as he'd trace

the cum he spurted on your face

to

Tonight, he'll linger as he'll trace

the cum he's spurted on your face

also, one tiny typo = 'hisy' instead of 'his'

is there any other word you could substitute for 'spurted'? maybe using the ghazal for this is stepping outside the bounds enough for the cliché not to matter, but it's just one of those words i see time and time and time again until it starts to grate way beyond its sole use here. :)

well, that's novel. A 5

Perfectly proffered, symbolically superb.