All Comments on 'poet's convention'

I was smiling all the way, following the parallels and tangents departing at not-so-obtuse angles. Transcendental.

Your ideas are promising, the actual execution less so. What weakens the poem is the constant back and forth of "real life" and abstract metaphor. One moment you are speaking of an "out of state license plate" and the next instant have wandered to "towers reaching up and falling away." The constant back and forth from the real to unreal is jarring and interferes with the poem's message, assuming there is one.

More specifically:

In the first stanza, there is an unfortunate repetition of the word "as", intended probably but vague because you don't define what "this" is. The relationship? In any case, "as here we are right now" would be a little clearer, at least to me.

"lonely rooms." You mean lonely people in the rooms I presume. But why are they lonely? Are they having an affair in the Taj Mahal? Just trying to connect the dot-dash-dot lines here- haha.

Poets can go far afield in a poem if there is some coherence to the whole. But here, in the a very small space of time, you go from "kids in a car" to "towers falling" to "robbing graves" to "lonely rooms"! Wow! Where's the kitchen sink?

This could have developed into 8 poems with the profusion of ideas you have here. Sometimes, a poet can be simply too creative....

Transcendentally confusing

Your ideas are promising, the actual execution less so. What weakens the poem is the constant back and forth of "real life" and abstract metaphor. One moment you are speaking of an "out of state license plate" and the next instant have wandered to "towers reaching up and falling away." The constant back and forth from the real to unreal is jarring and interferes with the poem's message, assuming there is one.

More specifically:

In the first stanza, there is an unfortunate repetition of the word "as", intended probably but vague because you don't define what "this" is. The relationship? In any case, "as here we are right now" would be a little clearer, at least to me.

"lonely rooms." You mean lonely people in the rooms I presume. But why are they lonely? Are they having an affair in the Taj Mahal? Just trying to connect the dot-dash-dot lines here- haha.

Poets can go far afield in a poem if there is some coherence to the whole. But here, in the a very small space of time, you go from "kids in a car" to "towers falling" to "robbing graves" to "lonely rooms"! Wow! Where's the kitchen sink?

This could have developed into 8 poems with the profusion of ideas you have here. Sometimes, a poet can be simply too creative....

Transcendentally confusing

Echoes of Lauren's 'cat'

Reverberate

I found this compelling too, like two of the three previous comments. Puzzling at first, but a second reading makes things clearer. I find it fascinating how different readers react differently.

Tess

I may not like your comments, but I sure do like your poem very much, even if I say that in prose.

Rich with imagery which is actually evolving together with the themes of the poem. One example: (third stanza) what mind bending and satisfying stanza: “Poets prose as mathematicians / What with our formulaic eyes / Vicious in our vicious geometry/ My ex equals x but sometimes y “. Only the freedom of poetry could allow the language to overlap and attribute poets and their poetry to the qualities we find in Math and geometry in such a direct way. Suddenly the poet looks more like a cool and calculated scientist. And that’s just one stanza.

It is deep and literate and layered. This is gorgeous. Also, it was mentioned in Thursday/Friday's New Poems Reviews.

Question about moore--if that was a reference to Thomas, maybe it should be capitalized?