All Comments on 'Red'

It's all very well writing in rhymes but pushing lines in that sound forced just to make that rhyme doesn't work i.e 'My warm wet tongue I did

release' nobody actually talks like that.

Your meter is out on quite a few lines and that tends to trip up the reader i.e 'As I stretched my neck, and pushed

out my tongue.'

It's all very clichéd and has been said many times before

Thanks for the comment.

the piece was not meant to be redundant or to imitate or be specific to any type of genre of writing.

it is simply an expression of an experience.

and it doesn't matter if one speaks or writes in a certain way.

its just poetry