by Sabina_Tolchovsky
Some excellent lines!
mist snakes down the mountain
>
the tree's wait for the pregnacy of summer
and the deliverance of fall
>
wet fur streaked with hunger
>
black water rippled with cold rain kisses
And the ending is delightful!
~Syn
~spring blossoms are spent
their fallen petals
resign to the orchard floor
the tree's wait for the pregnacy of summer
and the deliverance of fall~
and the last verse are wonderful.
Very vivid.
The poem captures the look, feel, even the smell of a dreary drizzly morning.
Very nice job.
silent as a stick
fishing for it's breakfast
the zen Heron
is waiting....works so well...with the title..great pen!!/blue
I love this poem~ Thanks for sharing this wonderful write! simply awesome~ Art~
even in its silence. You always take metaphors and descriptives to stratospheric heights and this poem is by no means an exception, Sabina. This piece will linger with Me as My silent companion through rainy Spring here in Pennsylvania. Just beautiful!
Vixxx
The first two lines gotta go, or bury 'em elsewhere, however, the last four - nothing better. Now what is inbetween, nice and clean.
Stongest lines at the beginning and end if possible.
nice work
The first two lines are awful, I agree with the number boy. However, he was being very kind in his review of this piece. Have you ever heard of the notion, "show, don't tell"? YOU are telling us about the whole situation here. Overall, a barely boring piece of work.
And, while on the subject, why did you place an apostrophe in the word "tree's"? You are showing it as possessing nothing, so why the added punct...
this poem is not really worth the read...