All Comments on 'Silk Slip Of Nothing'

I happen to read your other poem first and was bowled over. This maybe could be a little longer, it seems to end a tad bit too soon!

imagry jumps out, sensuous and sweet

This poem was mentioned in Wednesday's New Poems Reviews.

what more could you possibly add (~_*) <grin, perfectly placed words like clothes scattered on a stairway, ascending, before ya know it your there in a silk slip doing something <grin... excellent!

the colors run through the poem and hold it together. very sensuous!

the tongue-two-stepping amazement in this poem, "melt, make milky cum come," "staking claim," "betwixt two pink lips." Makes my mouth want to keep bumbling away and finally surrender in a wordless wolf whislte of stiff appreciation.

What I'm wondering, though, is how you know I dream in such vivid color? <evil grin>

~S&D

Some of the line breaks seem weird.

"me down" alone on one line doesn't work well.

The internal rhyme in the first line is okay.

Too many gerunds for such a brief poem: sliding, caressing, staking.

Why not use a silk slip of nothing

slides over nipples,

caressing,

staking claim to my hills

and valleys of wet moistness...

Hills and valleys and wet moistness is so overused in erotic poetry.

milky cum come

betwixt two pink lips

cum come?

betwixt sounds wrong in this poem!

The ending is predictable.

Exercising my right to: ("Love it? Hate it? Have suggestions? You can leave a public comment on this submission!)

sincerely,

unregistered and anonymous but avid reader

After reading your poem, I'm the one begging.