All Comments on 'The Courtesan'

A little disjointed in your rhyme structure and the rhythm is off. I personally think you could drop the capitals as they place unnecessary pauses based on grammatical teachings, if you en jamb the line

so the sentence runs together it

tends to read

Smother than if

You have capital letters

Starting each new line.

I don't mind the near rhymes I.e. aside and fly but some of your sentences don't gel well.

Overall a decent effort but could use some fine tuning thanks for posting in p.f. and d

I'm glad that you're working with rhyme and meter. The "stream of consciousness" approach that many resort to strikes me as just sentimental wanking. Rhyme and meter make it musical, and the musicality enriches the content -- I think it somehow compels you to refine your ideas. I think it would be a good challenge to write something that is completely strict -- force yourself to stick to a rhyme and metric scheme. Of course, we are writing smut here, so you might say, why bother. But you do have a guaranteed audience at Literotica if you are writing smut.

.... as a reader, I liked it.

Plus, it just seems to lack a hook or emotional driver...