by Victoria_Lucas
the first three lines are good, maybe could be better? I don't know. 1201 seems sure of himself there and I usually trust his judgment on those things.
I like the entire idea of the poem but there are a few words here and there which could be tossed and strengthen the poem. BUT you have better advisers than me. I enjoyed reading it-
NJ
someone else decided to comment, it is well worth the comments- there should be more on this one. I stand by mine though. And the score (which will now be erased, because of the double post)
I think that rather than call the opening preachy I'd say it's more descriptive, painting an image for the reader to move forward with. But the ending is positively smashing!
I like the water in the palm image quite a bit, in fact-- but I am, of course, biased. Lovely poem and sentiment, Ms. Lucas.
no comments on this. The first stanza is weak, starting off on a preachy note, but the last stanza starts to rock.