All Comments on 'Un-Settling or Vague Rants'

Hello...

I am a humble musician from HUMANWINE and my husband is a web designer. We have a humble site and I think your story/song would fit lovely in our ARTISTS section. Please let me know if you would like to participate.

ARTISTS@nervousrelatives.com

thanks much:

SIREN

...in the New Poems thread over at the forum.

Because I believe it does, I'm offering a few suggestions. First, do you think the poem would still work without the final verse? I ask that because ending on the question seemed a little more satisfying to me.

I like the repetitive word play that you employed throughout. At the same time, there were a few places where some punctuation might have highlighted that interplay, as might just a bit of trimming.

And one persnickety thing: I found the spelling errors irritating. (I guess I expect poets to be more careful... and I have been severely chastised for that in the past).

I enjoyed the opening lines right after your intro:

"I could be a vagabond a vagrant a drifter

carried off on the wind like so much litter."