All Comments on 'Untitled'

of editing,

Start with:

You play that drum that makes me march.

with the gravity of the soul.

get rid of what has been said before

I did not vote.

Im not sure there are really a redundancies there. especially "the gravity of the soul" is a contrast from the physical bodies coming together, illustrating the non physical nature of whats happening as well. i think the double meaning in gravity is important too. but thank you for you comment

excellent defense of "gravity", passable on the rest. This time I voted. (a 5), although most poems could stand a little weeding.

Thank you! And I agree. I've been looking over it and found some lines I could cut short or cut out. I actually originally wrote this in paragraph form, like prose, and just decided to break it into stanzas. Most of my experience is in short stories, and I'm working on my first novel, so I find it difficult to keep things brief sometimes. I think I will practice with haiku. Thank for your advice.