by thewintersofaugust
some nice lines,
" I toy
my nipples across your impossibly smooth
arms and let the imprecise wriggling of love
awaken you until you thrust"
excellent lead in, first three lines:
my heat is your heat is the heat
rising like a stubborn morning
fog from my curves are your lines
next two
are the intangible borders that
make us a nation of two,
are? also borders and nation don't do much in the context,
but you pick it up again, all in all, excellent, (in perspective, I am not a four seasons fan) A little clean up perhaps, adding at first glance the end looks dreadful, that is tricky, hope you get more comments. 5ed
ain't easy to write imho but you've accomplished it with a deft touch and an interesting approach (by seasons). I think you could lose some unnecessary words that aren't bringing anything to the poem and make it a stronger piece. Just my one opinion. Overall I really enjoyed reading it. 5ed.