All Comments on 'When'

here felt too forced, as if your line length was dictated only by how long it took for you to wrangle out the rhyming word. I think you could make it feel less forced if you enjambed your lines, instead of ending each thought and/or sentence at the end of each line, continue it onto the next line. That would reduce the impact of the rhyme, giving the poem a more natural feel when reading.

I found the title intriguing and would have liked to see the intrigue carried into the poem.

jim : )