All Comments on 'A Better Tomorrow'

Creating a fantasy erotic world is fine, but a story needs to be set within this with characters, dialogue, action, conflict - all the elements that make a story work. Look at any book that takes place in a fantasy/fictional setting: Dune, Nineteen Eighty Four, Lord of the Rings etc - are all about individuals on a journey that transforms them - they face challenges, overcome great odds (or not) but they all have grounded central characters the reader can empathise with. This piece of writing lacks that - in fact it even lacks a plot. This piece lays out an erotic fantasy world - the next step is to put characters in it and take them on a journey - then you'll have a story.

This is already a story, and a hot one. Good job man, and you should absolutely write more stories that take place in this world.

Yeah, could've done without all the political bullshit. Some backstory is fine and all, but the parts I didn't skip over with a roll of my eyes felt more like right-wing erotica than anything.