All Comments on 'A Bodyguard's Secret'

. I enjoyed watching your characters and listening to what they were saying. Tell your new editor to tread lightly.

But, I was bored by the end of the first page. You give no depth to your characters. All we know is Mikey is a businessman. Why does he have bodyguards? Why is he pursued by the press? Is he famous? And if so, for what?

Like so many other writers here, you seem to think that, if you don't have your characters hopping in and out of bed right from the beginning, then the readers won't read your story. That's not true. You get more readers if you give us some reason to actually care about the characters.

Examples of authors who do this really well: artisticbuyguy, Pellaam, robcub32, just to name a few. I read their stories over and over again.

I really enjoyed the dynamics of the story. Wouldn't have minded more background like what Gary actually did that he was ashamed about or his family. And what was with the first Carson then the Carmichael was that birth name and adopted name or what?

i liked it. but maybe a lil more in info about the characters. i like this still you should make more chapters about mickey and jackson.

There was a lot missing in the development of the charters, too much jumping around, and not enough development. Otherwise, a pretty good story. You do need an editor to help with the flow. I gave you 3 stars.

Would like to read more of Jackson and Mikey's adventure...

This story has a lot of potential. I gave your story or 4 just because the attempt was good enough but it really deserves a 3.5. A lot of places you using you're, but you should be using your. There's definitely some punctuation and pacing mistakes, but with the right editor this should be longer and more drawn out.

Keep it up!

This story has a great deal of potential and as has been said before more background on the characters would have helped. I liked the love story between these two and would like to read more about them keep going

wasnt impressed with this. just seems like the others but re hashed sorry 2 stars

I tried to decipher it. I even tried to reread but.... That just made it worse.

It started out excellent and full of promise. Then it went all downhill from there, swiftly, on jet-powered skates and instead of exploding like it should, it slow-burned into festering, stinky, hot mess before limping to a slow, contrived, painful read.

I appreciate the effort, I really do. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have read it. Twice. It seemed as if you didn't bother to reread it after you wrote it. It was a jumbled mess. There were incomplete sentences, extra names thrown in for additional confusion, and for extra fun, dialogue mismatch.

Take this down and re do it. It has lots of potential if you take your time and develop the story and the characters.

You MUST use an editor other than yourself or your spellchecker. The poor reader never knew who was doing what to whom and it was exhausting trying to work it out. It had lots of potential.

You already got the editor speech. You can either get one on the site or ask a fan to help.

Anyway, I think you did a fair job in beginning to develop characters. One thing that didn't fit as a component of Mikey's character was the few times he had to hide his eyes or turn around b/c he was crying or a sob escaped his lips, etc. A business man with as much success as he had wouldn't be able to show weakness like that. Even if his true self was sensitive or easily upset, he'd learn to hide it. He wouldn't be able to get to that level when he's so emotional in sight of others.

I loved it. Really I did. The other's had a point in that there were parts that were hard to follow but don't give up. That can easily be fixed with some well placed spacing and a bit of word work.

Hey Crash2012: if you ever check back...good story! I don't share any of the Anonymous complaints. Good, sexy read.

very good story. did have a few rough spots. main one being Mike's name. Some times you have Carson and some Carmichael. but over all a very good story. keep up the good work

I did NOT find it hard to follow. I loved every bit of this story.