All Comments on 'A Circumstantial Case'

Far fetched but very well done.

Great bit of fictional writing. Five stars.

And I see what Lecheman means about the Spelling and Grammar Queens. I unsure whether some are simply destructive trolls or perhaps can't help themselves as they have an inbuilt need to continually correct others. Lit would be a much more pleasant place without them.

I'm always amazed that critics have difficulty interpreting what is FICTION.

If the author states it was purple rain, then so be it.

Ok, the spelling and grammar Queens will always posit their incredible Wordsmithing skills, usually, anonymously but occasionally, if these issues are really obvious, well God help the author!.

Anyway, I enjoyed the story.

ForestDevil61 pretty much nailed it. Good story, still, but with enough holes that it leaks like a soup sandwich.

"[Note- 'What a maroon!' is an expression used by Bugs Bunny in old cartoons. Means fool/idiot/moron. Widely used, in my circle anyway, back in the day.]"

Well.... Okaaayyy... BUT in MY circle, maybe a decade or two BEFORE your day, MAROON always was a colour, somewhere between Golden Brown, Nut Brown, and Scarlet! Whereas a jackass was always a MORON with one oh, as in "id10t", groan-groan!

Cannot believe how many previous commentators thought themselves "clever" for spotting the patently obvious conclusion that was DESIGNED into it because, just like the cheating spouse, THAT is the easy bit, it's the "HOW-is-done" and the "HOW-T-F-do-you-prove-it" that is the real challenge! There are NO PRIZES for following the plot!

R.S.

I did not get very far into this story before it was obvious the mark Evans was taking his seat and throwing suspicion on his wife and best friend. That majesty rest of the story tedious.

Additional comments, based on my own work as an administrator of a statewide medical examiner system that included some basic medicolegal examination training and of course acquired knowledge, that are offered strictly for constructive criticism in the hope it’s of value to your future writing. Death investigators, usually law-enforcement background and little if any medical training, visit death scenes, not actual medical examiners who are usually board-certified friends like pathologist, that’s only seen on TV series. Forensic toxicology testing would reveal the blood had been mixed, and probably coagulated. Forensic testing of the projectiles, may or may not have revealed additional information, but testing of the wood from the pile inside the garage versus the rest spread around the picnic site would’ve shown obvious difference. Blood splatter analysis would have shown a syringe or other narrow gauge device was more likely the source of the blood found that supposedly spurted, and no way to tell if it came from the carotid artery that I’m aware of. The absence of any trace evidence for example hair clothing fiber carpet fiber and DNA from the two alleged perpetrator‘s, would’ve been evidence that contradicted what the prosecutor presented. Having a single defense attorney, representing two individuals each with an entirely different alternative theory, would probably have been malpractice and certainly the basis of appeal; but I can understand the attorney selfishly keeping the cases together as Lisa had a better alternate theory (or an overlooked alternative theory between 1 AM and 5:30 AM so-called best friend had committed the murder while Lisa slept) , but the SOB who is banging her had more financial resources.

Clever storyline, even though a predictable reveal & ending, I feel it was well written and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Good story. Entertaining. Some holes that woukd not pass the forensics smell test (watered down blood?, no hair fiber or other tissues?), but was still complex.andnwell done especially since as a reader we know it was all a frame. Lisa knew at the end what she lost. Of course why she threw it all away for Blake without having any forethought just shows either her stupidity or her self entitlement or both. Blake is a total asshole. May he only experience woe for the rest of his fictional life.

Well done complex story long and complicated

An exceptional piece of fiction. Got to give it five stars for being such a rewarding and thought out story, even it there are a lot of holes in it as some of the commenters have stated. Nice revenge with both the cheating parties losing what means to most to them, Blake his prized possessions and his attitude of only thinking of himself, while Lisa lost her loving husband and her dignity. Well done!

It was interesting, but as has been pointed out, utterly devoid of possibility. That in itself is ok, most of fiction is not very well thought through in terms of being practical or even possible. The reader knew from the outset that this was a set up, but we read it anyway to find out how it was accomplished. The issue then is that the mechanics, the details that didn’t work, made the story weaker. No, you can’t water down blood to make it look like more without the most basic forensic analysis showing that like a flashing neon light. Not one of the supposed witnesses was found including the crime stoppers guy who desperately wanted the money. The idea of putting a bit of blood on his wife’s gas pedal was fun, but this was done at or before 6 am and she drove home 6-8 hours late when it would have long been dry and not transferred to her shoes. The case was a mountain of interesting circumstantial evidence, and many a conviction has rested on circumstantial evidence, but this evidence was badly flawed. If he really had heart surgery there would be a definitive record of his blood at the hospital and knowing the narrow time line it could have been used to lead authorities right to him, if they bothered to follow up. Little things, but it was still a fun read. (Of course, on the other hand we all know of too many cases where innocent people were railroaded by a legal system that cared less about due process than making convictions)

Good story, but way too many holes. For example, adding regular water to blood causes the red blood cells to lyse (swell up and explode) and this would have been immediately noticed. Etc, etc, etc.

Although there were flaws and holes in some events of the story, it was realistic enough to be dramatic fiction. The telling of the story by the author was excellent. The concept was excellent. 5 stars all the way. Thank you.

Well written, but the author ruined the story by Mark confessing to I.P. in the first place, and doing it so early. I can KIND OF MAYBE buy "OK she spent 6 years in jail - same 6 years of his life she stole - and now she deserves freedom". 18 months is a joke, hell even she thinks so. I don't buy her remorse, and I definitely think Mark was a complete idiot for putting heart surgery in the letter which means he'll be tracked within 1 month,

OK but more holes than a Swiss cheese in this plot.

Well written and entertaining.

The story was very predictable. We even knew how he had done it, with few instances of surprise. It did drag on a bit, but was otherwise enjoyable. Four stars.

BTW, it's not " a half an hour" or whatever. It's "a half hour, or half an hour", again, or whatever.

JPB

Page three now. Some issues: the detective dropped the husband's cell phone into his pocket instead of an evidence bag, causing his own prints to mess over any others on the phone. Also, when interviewing the wife in the station's interview room, no Miranda Rights. Back to the story.

JPB

Belle histoire bien écrite.

Too long but we'll written

A captivating tale with a surprisingly new perspective on the theme of revenge on an unfaithful spouse and and a backstabbing "best" friend. Well-written and thoroughly enjoyable. Thank for an intriguing read.

He never should have confessed.

Pretty long when you know what’s going on the whole time. Conflict without tension.

I liked the story. I feel it is boring IF your only interest is -

to read the Bitch is burnt.

I have a general distrust of DA's and Judges. This is due to experience as an victim or testifying bystander giving testimony. I as a witness observed a person get by without jail time when said person did a hit and run and cause serious body damage to victim. The offense was accomplished by on purpose steering their car into the victim, The DA viewed myself as a very credible witness. The offender had a husband lawyer.

The Ole Plea bargain lets some serious offenders get by with near MURDER.

Now for the story- I find the law enforcement didn't check for powder residue on the block of wood nor the car seat around the entry of the projectile.

Hey I know Its only a story and I sure enjoyed it. grade 5

Complicated, but I loved it. Thank you for sharing. Five stars certainly well earned.

boring and dumb

The whole thing was completely predictable after reading the first 10 paragraphs. Very dry.

I loved this story. I think the real crux of its value is the actual telling... Most great stories on this site take, what I call poetic licenses with some facts/incidents. The premise of the contrived revenge was very well written. The end was great and both cheaters were taught life's lessons to a T.. Thanks for sharing....

Très belle histoire bien ficelée.

I liked the general plot, but there were a few issues that bothered me.

1. If Mark's lawyer had an issue acting for Lisa, then so did his partner.

2. No experienced criminal lawyer would, despite what you see on tv, arrange a meeting with his clients and the DA present in these circumstances. It is just idiotic. If there is already some framework of a deal there might be some circumstance making it possible, but there was no suggestion of that here.

3. The letter from the girlfriend needlessly gave extra information that could be used to track them down.

4. The earlier high school cheating and Blake's belief in how extreme Mark's behaviour could be if cheated on were inconsistent with Mark remaining Blake's best friend throughout their years.

5. I don't know why Mark would think closure by getting the cheaters released would bring him more peace of mind than knowing the police knew what had happened and were looking for him would cause him stress and worry.

A really nice read with a very good plot. After being framed and spending 18 months in prison, I find it hard to believe that she hope to reconcile but that does not deter from the fact that is is a good story. 5*

A fantastic story, so well written and thoroughly thought out, if only…..

Great descriptions, loved the character set, but the whole plot was one of the best I’ve read on here.

Life's a bitch and then you marry one.

I've read this before and I enjoyed each time. I think this is how I would act in the same circumstances. Except I wouldn't have not contacted anyone and she would still be in prison

Hey if you are still out there Jake (if 60 is your age then you are 73 today and could well be pushing up daisy's) thanks for the story forget the holes and all the other moral issues, it was a good read and very nicely written, maybe a practice run for your Great Canadian Novel? I'm not going to score you no sense is there but a solid 4 and a half golden ones are awarded {in absentia}

So if he didn't have a heart attack he would have let the pair rot in prison?

My 2nd reading, the first time, I didn't get to the end, so i decided to bite the bullet and read the full story and I am glad that I did.

Enjoyed a well thought out story with a great revenge and good ending, for which I have given 5*. However starting with what the previous comments said and loads of other holes, I could understand it if lots of other readers have given it a lot less. I still know why I have up after the first two pages, in my first attempt.

Why was Mark friends with Blake at all, if Blake had previously horned in on Mark’s girlfriend(s) and Mark knew about it? That kind of behavior is not very friendly.

My second read... I still think it's a 5.

No pity for Blake, some sadness for Lisa losing so much of her life, and empathy for Mark.

Glad he relented and did what he had to so he could release himself by releasing them, even if it was only in contemplation of his own death... I choose to think it was also because he did find a new life, with a new love, and was able to move on.

I kept thinking of an old James Garner/Dick VanDyke movie set in France. They have a conflict over something and VanDyke frames his buddy for murder. Garner's character is sitting in the dock in court sweating while an old lady sits in the front row knitting and cackling "Guillotine!, Guillotine!"

all right...

Great story, well crafted etc,sinners got waht they deserved, their lives ruined etc. Blake is your typical tool, shallow narcissitic unreliable and undependable. Lisa prolly was a decent human being, but she cheated and was proactive in the sexual relationship w/ blake. Unfortunately we will never know why she gave in to his "appeal" or why she then became an active participant vs a victim of a predator. It always seems ridiculous when the cheaters claim that they still love the partner named on the marriage certificate, they didnt mean for them to find out or get hurt(bla bla bla), and cant we all just get over this. Of course it was only sex but it must have been danm good sex for her to get over any guilty feelings and then throw herself into becoming a completely involved partner w/ the "lover". Thank god no mention was made about the ginormous dick the lover had to have (a LWs requirement). It would have been interesting to know/hear her thoughts (rationalizations) about the whole thing (and why she shld be forgiven)but once she gave up her twats exclusivity, she lost the right to any forgiveness. rk

Speachlessly Awsome story

My second time to read it and it's still a five.

For some of the skeptics, I don't think it is meant to a documentary.

Super good story. 5. Stars all the way. Might have to remind the anonymous nitpickers that this is fiction. And a very good revenge story

Original tale and if the MC has conned the authroities once successfully, then he certianly can do it again and remain off the radarr

Original and entertaining, taking the time to build a "substantial" framework for a "circumstantial" situation.

Very well done. More please.

Too much long story...

A novel approach. Whilst it does stretch credibility I have seen less realistic and more convoluted plots on the telly! Thank you.

The plot is weak indeed as the "circumstantial evidence" would not work because police is not that stupid.

More importantly why would anybody throw away his career and life to try to frame the cheaters, that makes absolutely no sense.

The end is totally absurd because now the guy would almost certainly got himself in a serious trouble. There is a trail to him for authorities to go after, in particular because of the nature of crime, conspiracy.

Totally bad ending, total bullshit

My comment is simple. Most L/W stories are rote regurgitation of BTB or recon. All follow like lemmings the same crap. This story has holes; however it is a good attempt to portray some original revenge. I liked it....

I have only read two pages, the plot is so weak, it's an insult to the readers intelligence. Secondly the two detectives were clueless, so m a by loop holes in the story they missed. I hope it improves.

BLOODY WASTE OF TIME

Very clever story

I don’t know, that’s a pretty convoluted way to get revenge, and then after all that he could barely live with himself. Better I think to go with your first gut feeling. Divorce her, beat the holy shit out of him and get on with life. No guilty conscience that way. Oh, you may do a little jail time for the beating but you’ll still have a clear conscience. And after you get out you can kick his ass again. Yep, works for me. Much simpler than all that drawing blood and hiding out stuff. Sorry Jake, didn’t intend to re-

write your story, it was great. Just really got me to thinking. 5⭐️s. for sure.

with wives and best friends like these, who needs them? Better being a monk or hermit? too bad hubby wasnt able to keep/relocate most of his hard earned assets before disappearing, altho that probably would have made the murder assumption of PD much more difficult. still excellent story and appropriate punishment .

Wow! Great story.

Ed

Excellent story- more of the same would be greatly appreciated-five stars any way you look at it! My opinion is 10 stars.

Nice idea, well written, BUT ....

The addition of distilled water to the blood would have markedly changed the Osmotic pressure difference between the blood cells and the liquid in which they were in suspension - causing them to rupture!

Result, no longer fully identifiable as 'Blood'!

As a result that part sprayed on the seat would have run, much like an overdiluted paint!

Very nice read.

A story well told even thought there's some holes in it....I won't nitpic however i have a question or two. Have you ever been to Pittsburgh? Why Sharpsburg? 3 miles from Pittsburgh and closer to Pittsburgh than the closest airport. Anyway i have read this story twice and have come away with a an admiration of the told tale. BTRH

Should have left them in prison!

My second reading (after about 3 months). 5 stars both times. Scary. Intense. Thoughtful. Engrossing. Good reading both times through.

I'm sure I read this story in 2008 when it was written but never left a comment. One of the best stories on Literotica.

5

Very nice read.

Excellent ,would like to find more of same caliber or fascination. could not put it down until end. Marvelous story.

Well written. I enjoyed it.

Methinks if Lisa finds a new bf/husband she will never THINK of cheating again. Methinks Blake may have had an orientation change courtesy of Bubba.

Should never have admitted he was alive!

Liked your story, was going to give up on a couple of times due to length but stayed with it. Not accustomed to stories of this caliber. Great job!

Amazing story. Its been a long time since i read a good story on this site

The 2 cheaters deserved what they got and MORE!

Both the cheaters had it or worse coming.

I enjoyed it a lot when I first read it, many years ago. Now I see too many plot holes, an initial setup which would make even an average police force suspect he was alive and go looking for him and, of course, modern technology which would pick him up quickly. Those were the days!

A wonderfully woven story.

But...if only a part of it can be true, justice had been served in spades.

You told the ending that was the only outcome possible. Lisa learned it was over [the last faint hope she held for reconciliation with Mark.], no magic to bring back Mark and her marriage. She did it to *them* with her weakness being romanced by Blake, the snake in the garden! Sometimes a reconciliation takes place, but Mark had a new life, with a loving wife and three loving children, which is worth more than Lisa could ever hope to show him to gain back his love. 5 STARS.

Really good should have more detail about his new family but hey it’s not my story.Truly loved it

It had such potential but wasn't there for me. Lots of meaningless details regarding the evidence or lack there of and of the trial and such. But it was all so bogus. The defense attorney did a pitiful job, and the extremely short jury deliberation with so little real evidence, was, frankly, ridiculous.

Lastly, the parting letter was redundant and a waste. And Lisa's parting thought about possible reconciliation was truly absurd

Really good story but with all the hints/clues the new "wife" left, they would have located Mark in less than a week. They have really good computers that can collate facts (specific surgery, expecting twins, she flew into Seattle to mail the letter on a certain date that is postmarked, clues from the newspaper that would have indicated what city it was purchased in, etc.,).

I'm certain that there were plenty of technical errors in this story, but clearly a great idea. Lisa did not deserve to go to prison for that long. Glad he fessed up. Definitely an original BTB idea. His best friend, was an asshole

Still one of the best stories on LW

dumb bitch, thinking that there was a chance of reconciliation. excellent revenge on both cheater and best friend.

I agree with most of Perverted Knight's analysis of the story. He is correct that this author did not understand the legal system in the US in criminal cases. He was wrong when he assumed that most attorneys would roll their eyes and be upset at all the errors. I know this because I have been involved with the court system four times in my 67 years. I had representation in my first case and lost because my attorney was incompetent and evidently did no prep work for the trial. I only have a high school diploma but I was able to do my research online and represented myself in two more cases and represented myself before the IRS on tax evasion charges. I prevailed in both court cases and won over $13,000 from the IRS. I was up against supposedly competent attorneys in all three cases. I won because I did the research and prepared extensively for my day in court. The attorneys that opposed me didn't put in the work required to win. These were civil actions and if the opposing attorneys had done the work required to win they would have prevailed. One case was lost by opposing council because he didn't file before the SOL had expired. Another case was lost because the opposing attorney tried to pursue an action in State court that was prevented by Federal law. Once I informed the Court of Common Pleas that Federal law prevented the action in State Court the case was dismissed with Prejudice. I would never trust an attorney to have my best interests at heart. Attorneys for the most part operate on receiving fees for the services they provide. There is no guarantee of outcome and no guarantee of competence. These were not easy cases to win. I prevailed because almost all the law libraries and case law is available for free online. I know on the case that was dismissed with prejudice I spent at least 40 hours online doing research. No attorney could devote this much time on my behalf without a $10-15.000 retainer. It was a no brainer for me to represent myself. I had my best interest at heart.

Best BTB on lit, some forensic mistakes, but excellent nonetheless

I know cops are all brain dead in stories but it may have accurred to them that it woild be rather irrational to murder someone in a public park, causing an enormous blood splatter (I will get to the blood in the bullet holes in a minute) and then go to the trouble of hiding the body...why not leave it there? The blood in the holes is problematic as a bullet passes through a body and creates splatter but not enough blood volume to fill the hole. The blood runs out of the body subsequently as the heart continues to pump until exsanguination takes place and arrest occurs. So our villian has fouled his scene. In bleeding out what amounts to over 20% of his blood volume he would have entered a shock state which could very well prove fatal...you should reduce it down to 1 pint and a bit. Adding distilled water would have caused haemolysis from the water freely diffusing into the cells and bursting them. The medical examiner would have picked that up straight away...get him to use saline (normal saline he can research on the net.) So in settling with the state on an obviously botched investigation i rather think his victims would be due some thing in the $1 million area, then there is the failure of duty of care and the stabbing incident. Our villian , and he is a vile piece of slime make no mistake has escaped scott free...hardly a happy tale. Or put in another way they had a fuck and he subverted justice in a psychopathic rage...I would be leaving him real quick if i was his new love.

2 stars from me. I read stories on this website for erotic thrills, and why this sad story was listed under the "Loving Wives" category instead of "Non-erotic" is beyond me. This story is basically a courtroom/criminal investigation article, and there is nothing to indicate that the author is either an attorney or a police officer. As an attorney, I will repeat what other readers, such as Vulcan, point out--Basil couldn't have represented either the wife or lover since his partner represented the husband in his divorce proceeding. Secondly, Basil couldn't have represented both the wife and lover in a double murder trial because it would pose a conflict of interest.

Each defendant would have needed their own attorney in case one defendant want to point the finger at the other defendant. For Basil to even attempt to represent both defendants would have been reversible error and and have landed Basil in front of the ethics board, which no attorney wants to ever have happen. And there is Basil calling for both of his clients to take the witness stand and testify, when they have a constitutional right not to do so.; no criminal defense attorney would have done that, and I would argue that the prosecution failed to meet its burden of proof when the state could not produce a body. The expert witness certainly showed that there was a reasonable doubt that the husband did not die, and that is all that is required--not a preponderance of the evidence. As attorneys have commented before on this site, if you're not an attorney, don't try to write about family law or criminal defense law or estate-planning law, etc.--it makes us roll our eyes. I am not a police detective, but it was also ludicrous that the initial detective did not ask the wife for the name and address of the "friend" with whom she spent the night immediately so that he could confirm the wife's whereabouts. Instead he simply closed his notebook--that is ludicrous! Why would a detective not want to immediately want to confirm the alibi of a prime suspect is a missing person/murder investigation?? My only regret is that once I had invested my time in reading about three pages of this story I decided to keep going--it just got worse. Anyway, those are a few of my critiques to this story, and why I disliked it.

Well written story, kid of surprised Mark fessed up which got the cheaters out of jail. I was thinking the blood had been diluted also but forensics didn't pick that up. Circumstantial evidence and lack of a body should have resulted in reasonable doubt.

Well thought out premise and execution. Clearly, people are looking for CSI grade forensics in literotica article. There's basically nothing erotic about this story however.

As with so many other stories here, the author confuses the names/identifies of characters with each other. The names of Mark and his lawyer Blake get accidentally reversed on multiple occasions. A careful edit could clean that up.

Should be made into a film. Better than 99.99999999% of the stuff that's out there!

Very good well written story. Couple of points. Why didn't the detectives ask Lisa about her movements when they first interviewed her that would be standard practice.

Not sure about in the US but in the UK it's extremely difficult to bring a murder charge without a body. It happens but needs lots of circumstantial evidence to support the charge.

This was the second time I read "A Circumstantial Case" and I enjoyed it just as much the second time as the first. Thank You! Five stars.

they didnt suffer NEARLY enough

When I first read maroon for moron, I thought your speech to text had messed up until I saw the explanation at the top of the next page. You got me!

I thought the plot was clever, but you really captured the changes each person made due to the circumstances. It seems all were humbled somewhat. Blake sure learned that he got some expensive sex.

well done but in reality would be sooooo easy to find him, especially after the history of hospitalization.

Actually they needed more revenge done to them. Wasnt nearly enough suffering for his best friend.

The reason of the timing of the package to The Innocence Project was Mark’s heart attack and impending heart surgery. It seemed up until then he felt guilty, but still willing to keep mum about his subterfuge. Obviously, fearing possible death, he realized he needed to “come clean” before it was too late.

And I suppose, even after the successful surgery, his attitude towards life had changed enough from the near death experience to “forgive” Blake and Lisa. He had to “let go” before he could live guilt free with the new loves of his life.

Very creative and fluently written. With a few changes, this would make a great movie script. Here are a couple of nits - Basil couldn't represent them 1. because his firm represented the husband, an obvious conflict. 2. It's doubtful that a lawyer would take both as clients because of the potential conflicts. The minute a word was uttered by one suggesting the other might have done it, Basil would have to withdraw. I should also mention that the letter at the end gave away too much information that could be used to locate Mark. That's an easy fix.

Very entertaining

Interesting story but the ending is all wrong.

This isn't at all like the innocence project, who uses the prosecution's own evidence to clear convicts. The evidence is unlikely to be altered, given the chain of custody.

In this story, all they have is anonymous information and photographs that could be faked. To verify the info, DNA was provided in, but who's to say that wasn't from 18 months ago? For them to go free, they need to find the husband alive (which is also, the only way to overturn a murder conviction, a living victim)

Anyone could easily make the case this "new" evidence is all a fabrication to get them out of jail.

I Have read a lot of who done it stories .. And to Me this One is just as good as any I have read