All Comments on 'A Conspiracy to Commit...'

The biggest problem I have with the writing is the dialogue. Pacing is good, plotting is good, excellent description. You write pretty well. Except for the dialogue which sucks. It just doesn't ring true for me. For example: in the final discussion the wife says "....It's possible that I can abstain from having sex during this period, but I do need to have you hold me and comfort me so that I will be able to get through this crucial time." First, that is a run on sentence. Break it down for dramatic effect. This is the anti-climatic moment, dude. Wring the emotion out of it! That just isn't the way an emotionally distraught woman is going to sound. I know. I have 6 sisters, 1 daughter, 2 step-daughters, and a wife! In a case like this...somebody is gonna be wailing! This just doesn't cut it. Okay sorry to beat a dead horse. Also, I have noticed that many writers here go overboard with the quiet dignified husband laying down the law bit. Bullshit. and she is supposed to take your seriously? If you are going to tell her how things are going to be, for fucks sake TELL her. Throw a fuck, hell and a damn in there. If he isn't gonna wuss out why write him as if he is giving her the fucking Dow Jones Index? "Bitch, this is the way it is going to be..blah,blah,blah...no, I don't hate you! I don't hate fuckin' tarantulas either but that doesn't mean I want them crawling all over me! Get you nasty, cum filled, goat smellin' ass over there!" See the differnce? He has been through hell: write it that way.

Hope you aren't too pissed at me! Looking for your next piece of work!

I will leave the mechnical critique to chagrined since I never claimed to be a writer. Some of the dialog is a stilted but overall the story is writen pretty well.

The story itself is kinda far-fetched but fairly engaging. The plot is interesting & it kept me entertained more than most. I usually dont finish even half the stories I start on this site & I read all yours - I did kinda skim in some spots so it wasnt enthralling to me (just my personal preference likely since Im more inclined to mushy true love type stuff) but it was better than most ;).

My main problem is - Who the hell would stay with the wife under such circumstances?

Barry said he wouldnt live the life of a cuckold and yet in the end thats what he ends up doing. The wife admitted to not feeling guilty. She admitted to going into the afair with her eyes wide open. Barry correctly calls her on it after she tries to play the victim and shift the blaim. She missed her deadline to return & she only comes back when her other 'plans' fall through. She was perfectly willing to throw away her husband until her lover was taken from her. She even demands comfort from the husband during their reconciliation because of all the turmoil she is going through.

Doesnt sound very apologetic and even when the depths of her stupidity are revealed, she is only sorry that the husband wasnt willing to be the cuckold she thought he was.

Its insane to believe that anyone would stay with someone like that imo. Doesnt matter what she looks like or how much of an attachment the husband has developed through regular sexual contact over their time (love :).

Her stupidity alone would be enough to make a normal guy figure it wasnt the person he wanted to be married to (unless the guy has some kinda knight in shining armor syndrome and was only really with her to try to take care of her - there is no indication in the story that this is the case however).

No matter how much he loved her:

- a normal guy would rant and rave and scream and be as hurtful (verbaly) as possible then throw her out.

- a lesser man would go out of his way to make sure she suffered (not physically - I mean make sure she had nothing when the divorce was final).

- a saint would see that she got the mental health help she needed and make sure she had enough resources to start a new life after the divorce.

- a delusional idiot with no spine would try to save the marriage.

I Would like to read more stories like this. A suggstion is that the end be--leaving and finding a NEW loving woman and the old wife left to her own tricks. Being devoiced myself I know there are a lot of whores out there, married or single, and there are a lot of women who want a GOOD man who they can treat right.

This story combines a detective story with a cheating slut wife tale with great skill and vigour. The development of the plot is pacy and logical, while the characters are, for the most part, believable and vivid, particularly in the case of the husband. Whether a woman can ever feel herself to be 'fulfilled' by being abused and demeaned in the way the wife is in this story by 'Sir' is outside my experience, but judging by the contributions of some other posters to the site, I am prepared to suspend any disbelief in this case. Yes, the dialogue in places is a little stilted and unreal, but this is often the toughest part of writing - people generally don't write how they speak. If they did, written dialogue would be full of 'ums', 'ers', 'you knows' and other devices used by speakers to gather their thoughts, which are tolerable (just!) in spoken interaction but would be mind-numbingly tedious in written speech. It is particularly difficult in confrontation scenes in cheating wife scenarios, where emotions are at their rawest and which, consequently, many authors, including some of the best, shy away from or truncate unrealistically. In this story, I think the author does a pretty good job.

Two final points. Firstly, I fear that the author may not reach his full potential audience because of the length of this submission. I suspect that many readers 'dip' in and out of this site when they have a little spare time. Most will not be able to devote 2 hours or more to a single story. The overall length is well justified by the story's subject matter, but it might be beneficial to post in shorter segments, using appropriate break points. I read the whole thing at one sitting, no problem, but then I am an insomniac! Secondly, is there to be a concluding episode? There are a number of ways for this story to progress, both good and bad for the marriage. The wife, ominously, has almost convinced herself that she is back in control of whatever demons drove her to infidelity and submissiveness in the first place. Will the, seemingly eccentric, treatment proposed by the shrink disabuse her of this notion? Will the husband fill that dominant role his wife seems to need to feel complete? If not, presumably the next time some abusive shit puts any weight on her shoulders, she'll be down on her knees doing the business and it will be goodnight Vienna. Many thanks for this story. I look forward to your future efforts, whether a continuation of this tale or something completely different!

Constructively, given only the data within the story as painted by the author, the conclusion seemed, no - was contrived - out of context with his substantiated documented experiances, emotions and thoughts.

The pain of his viewing, her words, her actions, her direction, her deceptiveness, her mindset, the DR.'s statement of her being in the worst case scenario, her thoughts of continued need to be controled and fucked by someone in their last home discussion - the only plausible direction the author left himself was admitting to himself that while divorce was inevitable - he would get her help moving in the right direction before he filed. In that process, he would get help as well, but only to deal with her actions and the embraced reality of the failure of the marriage. Anything less diminished a great talented effort without that author driven point. I've come to believe that even very good authors sometimes have great difficulty following (completing)the story line logic they themselves created.

Author, withstanding the above, great work - great depth of setting, emotions, plot and descriptive phrase. Sometimes a very good editor is needed for unbiased opinion and directional comments / thoughts.

Wow, I wish to have your talent and drive. It wasn't too long. It drove upward throughout. Many works here evidence compromised quality through brevity. Sometimes you can see the lets get it over with mentality seep through a work in its conclusion quality (as compared to the balance of the work).

I hope to read many more of your works of true entertainment. You appear to be one of a few true Story Tellers on this site and could be among the best soon. My best Regards

hope you bring the story to an end very soon

this is one of the most complete novel I haave read in years. The decisions, plans, plot, acting and arrest and the way the friends came to barry aid were magnificently put together. It looks like you plan to add more. I'll be waiting Good luck on whatever way you ended this novel, you have a fan.

this is one of the most complete novel I haave read in years. The decisions, plans, plot, acting and arrest and the way the friends came to barry aid were magnificently put together. It looks like you plan to add more. I'll be waiting Good luck on whatever way you ended this novel, you have a fan.

I truly enjoyed reading this story. Instead of a wimp, clueless, cuckold husband, it featured one that used his head and stood up for what he believed. It would be great if more authors would pattern their husband figures more like the latter and less like the former.

The only part that I didn't like was the ending. I hope that you continue with the story. I compare this ending with an example: I am watching the Superbowl, the game is tied and there are only 2 seconds left. One of the teams has a chance to pull ahead with a field goal. The teams line up, there's the snap.....and then the power goes out and nobody knows what happens! Don't leave us hanging!

hi

i hope you carry on with this story.there are many more places you can take it.

Hello Readers,

This is my first submission to Literotica. I have been hesitant to submit my writings because all of my stories are long stories (as you found out reading "A Conspiracy to Commit..."). It was my feeling that most readers who go to Literotica were just looking for "quickie stories". I guess I was wrong.

So, for those of you who like a longer, more complex story, I will first finish the sequel to "A Conspiracy to Commit...", which I have titled "A Conspiracy to Deceive..." It may take a couple more weeks for me to complete the story. I am struggling with several directions to take the ending (or not). It may just turn into a NES (never ending story) where Barry and Carol go through many different life cycle changes.

Anyway, thanks for your comments and encouragement.

Regards,

enovelist@yahoo.com

P.S. Is it in bad taste to give one's writing a high score?

Great story line, I can't see myself being that calm, finding out my wife is a fuckslut. I guess his training helped him. Please keep the story coming. Where did You come from, This shows to be your first story? Good job for a first timer. Keep it up!!!!!!!!!

Well done, until the last chapter, where it wimped out. The fulfillment of her need to be controlled was never addressed. His earlier thoughts about being the one to take care of her needs was not followed up on. The story was great until then, then it just fell apart with a dull thud.

Better luck in the future.

What a great fantic story. No wimps and no winners in this. But it is a good honest story with a lot of hope for the future for them very very well written

It did not satisfy and the movie reference at the end?? Never saw the movie. I am sure I am not the only one. Proof your story more and have someone check your spelling if you want to be really good. A bell peals and a banana peels. Spellcheck will not find those mistakes. Readers will.

In 1972 i came home from Viet Nam after a broken 3 years there i was wounded and hurt and met with every one but my wife who i found out was in a simialr situation ,but with a drug dearler using her as a whore -- unlike Barry i couldnt take her back,but it was great to see him commit to her and i would love to see any sequel to this thank you again for a great story

This story really kept my attention, but I must admit that I would have been more satisfied with one more chapter...

Yeah, I know, the ending can't be considered good, but I have to give a high five to the author for hooking me into this story.

I know that people will see him as a wimp, but I don't think so. He is just a fool in love that is giving his wife another chance. They are going to embrace a long journey into reconciliation because there are a few things that weren't addressed about his wife's reason of infidelity. It doesn't look easy.

Thank you!

This was a very well written and captivating story. The only areas of criticism I have is the conclusion left things hanging in uncertainty. Perhaps this is what the author wanted, though hopefully he'll provide a follow up so we can see what happens.

I liked the story a lot. But, it was a little too much to read in one sitting. The author should try and break the story up into several shorter segments.

Keep up the good writing.

Another bit of tribe to explain your meandering story that has so many lose ends of fantacy

enovelist:

You've penned an interesting story. However, I didn't particularly care for its resolution. "Carol's" reasons for her adultery were nothing more than rationalizations. The cold-hearted manner in which she described her laison to her husband should have been enough to send him packing. If "Les" and "Phil" had actually been legit and not law breakers, she would be with them even now. Her apology seemed greatly tainted by her realizing that she had been duped. Where else to go but back to her husband. Her remorse seemed incredibly artificial. And her 'professed' desire to stay married and her 'professed' love for her husband was phony at best. Dump the bitch!

I too have trouble with the very long stories, but since the category in novels and novellas I guess one would expect it would not be short. Good job. We people that write here must be good to survive the fools that read us.

I really enjoyed this story. Good plot and well written characters make for a good story, but the ending was out of sync. Carol's comments at the coffee shop are hard to overcome.

This story is so well done it could be made into a movie script. What an act of depraved deception on the part of Barry's spouse. The thoughtful Barry not falling into a trap and using his wits to phone Josh for help when he sensed something wasn't right. The suspense of breaking the hostile takeover and arresting the perps added to this story that has a real "feel" to it. I beleive that they will never really have a marriage. Barry will divorce her as she will stray because of her condition.

A most entertaining and suspenseful story. My Compliments.

Excellent story.. You could be a popular book writer.. Please keep writing. Like other comments I would like more of a conclusion..

The trial, the work with the Psychologist.. how they end up. Maybe even the conspirators trying to get even from prison.. Hmm.

A trial to see how an audiance would react to this twisted and sordid story. It would make a great movie in my opinion. I found this story totally entrancing. It completely grabbed my attention and didn't let go!

I, for one, certainly wouldn't want to go through what Barry did. For one thing, I don't have the friends Barry had to call on when the shoe dropped!

Thanks and my best wishes,

Kydreamer

There is no way he could ever trust her. Dr Lee has already told him that and everything she has said to him confirmed it. So why does he want to try?

Divorce her and move on. Save himself a bunch of worry and trouble.

I wish we didn't have to put a score in here. I think this

writer is a very, very good writer in many ways, but I wonder

what color the sky is in his world.

I know I would pull the trigger for a divorce quicker than

many of you, based my slut of an ex wife, but this gal would

have been gone with the DVD.

I would have burned the tires off getting to my lawyer, with

a copy of the DVD for him, then a copy for everyone in her

company to see. Hell, I would have distributed them to the

tsunami victims (ok, just kidding, but your get the idea).

Look, most people want to marry and have kids. Not all, but

most. This slut was barren, she told him she now needed more

than him sexually....HELLO! Relief is spelled D-I-V-O-R-C-E

and the quicker the better.

But let's leave the ending for a moment and concentrate on

the great job the writer did in weaving the story. I thought

it drug out a little when he hid out a few days, then he

told her he would meet her the next day. THEN he told her

at the cafe she had until midnight. Midnight my ass, you

have an hour bitch, or you are history. Nah, I could never

write as well as these guys. Can you see my story? She is

caught fucking the neighbor, hubby shoots her and the neighbor guy, gets suspended sentence with community work

at WEAVE (darnit, I meant to stay PC here). Story over, takes up a whole two paragraphs.

Seriously, this is a pretty well written story. Can we get

Headhunter or Rob Conner or Chagrined to finish it off?

Let's see, Luke/Les gets castrated with a weed eater; Phil

is convicted and is Bubba's bitch now, so what to do with

the chick who needs something besides her hubby to make her

feel fulfilled as a woman? Seabiscuit comes to mind, but I

like horses.

Dump her in a New York minute, but keep writing stories, YOU

are good.

The word is "tripe" not "tribe", "loose ends" not "lose ends" and finally "fantasy not fantacy". All in a one sentence comment. Please don't demonstrate your lack of a third-grade education by illiterate criticism of an extremely interesting story. It was written for those of us who can read without moving our lips.

I wonder if the ending is just missing ? Obviously the wife needs to be controlled. Why doesn't the husband step up and treat her the way she wants to be treated ? Who doesn't want a loving wife who begs to be treated like a slut ?

Once in a great while a story comes along that breaks the mold--A Conspiracy to Commit... is just that sort of story. We are pulled deeper and deeper into the mysterous plot in a manner, which held my interest until the end--and then some. While prediction is a dangerous game, it would appear that a new and bright talent has risen on the world of erotic writing. I shall eagerly await more.

but was thoroughly cheated by your hurried, contrived and totally unsatisfying ending.

The majority of other commentators have listed the shortcoming of your supposed 'outcome', so I will not add to the list.

Most particularly in a story this long, some resolution, as opposed to a solution, is required. You provided none.

If you intended to continue the story, as your post in this forum says, THEN BLOODY WELL TELL US UP FRONT, so we know it is not complete before we start reading.

THE STORY WAS GOOD,BUT HE PUT TO MUCH TRUST IN HER.SHE HAS EXCELLENCE SOMETHING HE DIDN'T GIVE HER.AND SHE WILL BE LOOKING AGAIN,AFFAIR FOR SO MANY MONTHS IS NOT GOOD.IF THE MASTER DIDN'T GO TO JAIL SHE WOULD STILL BE WITH HIM OR WAITING FOR HIM IN THE HOUSE THAT THEY SHARED.WHEN THE MASTER CALL SHE WILL GO,SO SAVE YOURSELF SOME HEARTACHE AND MOVE ON WITHOUT HER.SHE IS ANOTHER MAN WHORE NOW.

Much credit goes to you with the time you must have taken to put this good story together. The ending could have gone either way. If you procede with another chapter or two it could become a very completed story.

Well done.

I'm glad there is sequel in progress since the ending left much to be desired. As for the length of the tale, you held my interest and that is the primary requirement for stories of this size. I don't think that splitting this tale into chapters and then publishing them over an period of a week would be an effective alternative to the format used here.

I thoroughly enjoyed your story telling and I look forward to the next installment. I'm very interested in how you will transition Carol as a result of counseling.

I would like to add that you have crafted a very good story. It drew me in and kept me engaged. Yes, the ending was a bit sketchy, but I assume that there will be more to this one. Also, there were a few typo's, but in a story of this length it is to be expected. I know since many times just transferring from Word or Wordperfect to Text causes some of those mistakes to show up.

All in all a very good start to a very interesting story.

Thank you for sharing your talent.

I liked the writing and the tale as a whole. Neither one is prefect but good. The suspense was good even though not as deep as in some pro novels. No violence which usually happens in the pros either, but that's not bad. Nice touches with describing rather Barry did or did not take a sleeping pill or if he went to the gym or not. Nice touch with the affair going on for three months or more. I didn't catch that but then I ended up taking six sittings to read the whole thing.

I think enovelist captured Barry's feelings and conflict at the end. Speaking of the end I think it does sound rushed. And the story did drag a little in places but you need some of that to build suspense.

I wonder if Jack though is doing all that just for the sake of helping them or if he's planning on getting some sex out of it too. And I am surprised that Barry didn't say anything about the erotic things Carol might be doing and asking if he is supposed to be there when she does them?

Nice story I hope its not too long before the sequel is out

This is the first time I added a PS to a public comment I think but I thought of a couple more thnigs to say. First about rather he shoud divorce her or not. Remember two things: one is that he loves her and they had a good marriage up to that point. Second I think from watching the video that there is something obviously wrong with her. That makes what she did more forgivable I think. Anyone who needs sexual humliation to feel whole has something wrong about them. Plus there wouldn't be a story if he had just forgot about her. :)

But I think there is another basic instict type of thing at work here. If he did kick her out the bad guys would win. In a small side area true but still it would be a victory for them. They don't deserve any type of win. I'll be surprised if Enovelist will do anything with this idea but it could be one of the reasons for him to at least try to salvage their relationship along with the fact that he loves her.

Some body here thought he should treat her as she wants to be treated. I don't think that is so bad an idea. Not all the time, a person like Barry wouldn't feel good doing it all the time but now and then why not? She is acting like a drug addict and giving her a dose of her drug at times could help in this case.

Another thing I'll be surprise if enovelist does but I think someone like barry would feel better and more at peace if she would have resisted Sir for Barry. Les could always get out of jail for a short period of time and try to reestablish his control over her. For revenge or just for some sex. Maybe he does for a short time but there is a confrontation where she has to choose.

And I assume that now she feels guilty? I don't think its ever stated even though its implied.

TabooTeller

I loved the detective work, of Josk and friends. I enjoyed the husband reaction to the wife, by not letting her wiggle out with an explanition. With his hard boiled attitude it counter her moves to use him. After looking at the DVD in the beginning where she stated, " she was willing doing what she was doing to be Les fuck slut". the husband feels she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Your talent is obvious, but your comment is as puzzling as the conclusion of this story. Surely, as a new author there is a learning curve but don't succumb to continued chapters which can run a good story into the ground by changing the self determined characters ilk and storyline direction without a clear rational reason described in depth.

I.E. - He isn't and can't be a Master not as you have painted him! She can't flop as though this was a dream as no drugs were evidenced and her closing continued non-spoken thoughts are the need for more domination and other men. Her only closing commitment to him was to share her future feelings - not her intentions as I read her words.

Lastly, for you to have "Story Teller" credibility, you should NOT wishwash or contort character direction or attributes or a storyline once estabolished for the sake of story continuance. Walk the path once estabolished for your credibility and our entertainment value. If he gets sorid you lose a lot of respect from us non-sickies.

I enjoyed your story and look forward to future submissions. The tale held interest and built a degree of suspense, making it a 'good read'. I was a bit bothered by 'Doctor Lee', but then I am suspicious of psycolgists and psychiatrists, since I have degrees in both.

This was amazing! i'm so glad you read my work and left a commnet so that i could come read yours! this really was like reading a great book! i loved it!

*hugs*

goldeniangel

Just finished reading this tale for the second time and it has lost none of its original impact. Extremely well written and plotted with believable characters in an unbelievable situation.

This author obviously has talent and is a very welcome addition to other authors in this genre. I hope that he continues writting for the enjoyment of his new fans.

The plotting was excellent. The suspense was superb. The characters were fascinating. I felt for Barry as his world,initially,was coming apart but this story went way beyond the Cheating Wife story. The sex was only a minor ingredient here;the perverse psychology that contaminated Carol and the evil of Les Snyder, not to mention Mr Mastermind Phil, took center stage. I'm glad the good guys won. We will see what happens in the sequel. This story makes me want to read more---though I hope it has more good plotting and is not a rehash of psychological abnormalities.

The reason I gave this story a 75 and not a 100 was the tendency for the author to telegraph the future plot turns. Also extraneous details---mundane details---though this wasn't used---something like a description of the dinner that Barry and Mr Chase ate would take up page space. Being detailed is good to promote authenticity but if the details lack a dramatic function, they can have as much emotional interest as a reading of random names in a phone book. So much could have been edited from the story without losing any dramatic tension or character depiction. Writing fiction is not easy. If it was, maybe I would try my hand at a story. However, as a reader I'm looking for something interesting. The characters and plotting were done well. What remains is a little self-editing to tighten up the narrative flow. If that happens. I would vote 110 for this story.

playingcardcompany

I often find myself in agreement with Blue88 but not this time. To be blunt, the authorship here is poor. The prose is stilted and the dialog feels strained. There are a number of annoying grammatical blunders and errors that mar the quality of the work. The main character's constant asides to himself are irritating and puerile.

Many commenters praised the characterizations of Barry and Carol. I found the two characters not credible. Barry's character has no flaws. He's the ubermensch, the man for all seasons, perfection embodied in purity. Please, give me a break.

His wife evidently suffers from some psychobabble condition that doesn't exist. Her "psychosis" turns her into a slutwife yet she shows none of the classic signs of a submissive. She just needs hot, nasty sex, can't get any from perfect Barry so she flips out and becomes a fuckslut? Oh, yeah, I'm buying this. Her character isn't credible either.

Phil's character as the impact character to the storyline feels overblown. The author tries to make Phil out to be some sort of hideous bogeyman but the ease of his takedown shatters that illusion. Phil's another incompetent crook who gets busted though what crime he committed was unclear. I expected him to be fired from his job but he got the pokey instead. Oh, well.

Les's character was too nebulous. He supposedly did "Something Bad" in Las Vegas but what that something was, we don't know. But it must've been purty bad because the police arrested him then proceeded to extradite him to Nevada. I never did figure out how Les and Phil managed to hook up as the author didn't explain this.

Some commenters found the plot exciting. I did not. The author's attempt to engender excitement by slowly revealing this most nefarious of schemes falls flat. Narrative drive is poor (mostly due to the writing I think) and I never felt the urge to skip ahead to see what would happen next.

The "Love conquers all" ending (or the promise of that) is not satisfying. Carol's betrayal of her marriage vows is total and I cannot imagine any circumstances that would prompt a sane man to take her back.

A 25 is all I can give. Excellent fiction this is not.

Jury still out... but what is a "matra de"? And there is a difference between "peel" and "peal". You could hire a good proofreader.

That wife is really nuts to think she could push Barry into thinking he would let her do it with any tom dick and harry then tell him thaat he can get seconds from them i hope barry cans her where is chapter 2?

Pat .

Atlanta,Ga

with wife saying, "I love you very much, you are my life, but I was also looking for something, some one who would/could dominate me and I've found that man, my lover,... I don't do things without answering to him, Yes, sir! And, dear beloved, you MUST KNOW he is NOT responsible for me telling you this,,, I LOVE doing this for him, okay? It's not a coersion of any thing, so you know, okay, my darling?" blah, blah, blah,,,,,,

......... and the first thing the wimp did was to go a SEE A THERAPIST who said to him, "I'm curious as to what happens to you,,, so keep me inform after you and your wife have a talk, okay?"

WTF!!

This is not a salvagable marriage and anyone that's trying to sell that is nuts. She's a slut, a submissive slut that gets off in adulterous copulation, multiple partners, being a whore, a stripper, etc. etc. etc. no man would put up with this and if he did, he is the one that needs badly a psychiatrist.

did I miss a great story like this,I am completely hooked,so onto part 2

Hate to second guess you but Barry should divorce the dumb ass wife and stick with Rita. She seems to have her head on her shoulders where the wife had her's in her cunt.

the slut is a valid one. Granted that a man might eventually get over the question of adultry but how do you get over the fact that the wife was incredibly stupid. Stupidity can't be cured bu any amount of psycho babble. Stupidity is forever a person might be uneducated and education will correct that but how do you correct plain old stupidity??.Hmmm

This is a superbly written story. However, one thing that I found difficult to believe is that Paul thought that he could soften Steven's and his groups resistance to the take-over by getting the husband to side with him in opposing Steven. I was not convinced that this could be done. To me it's a lot like the 1959 movie "North by Northwest" in which you have an excellent movie and everything is fine except for the plot: why was this all going on and the FBI was even involved? For example, at the end of the movie, the evil art collection was leaving the country by private plane from South Dakota with some sort of secret information that he was going to sell or give to an enemy. It was on a microfilm hidden inside a statue. But it was unclear what this microfilm contained. Alfred Hitchcock was at a loss to do anything more believable that this in a now classic 1950"s movie. At any rate, this story is one of the very best short stories I've read. I could not stop reading after the first section. RAG

I very much enjoyed your story. It wasn't what I expected after the opening section but so glad that I stayed with it. It really is a superior work and I know you've continued it and I am looking foreward to reading more. I see some others have pointed out minor flaws and typos but they were inconsequetial in their impact on the overall quality of this work. My two-cents worth is to point out that ships don't flounder, they founder. I looked it up. Thanks again for your fine, fine effort.

I lost my password to the site, therefore write as anonymous.

After betrayel like this, how any level headed guy would spend even 5 minutes trying to understand or spend any money on pshycotherphy on this slut of a wife?

Well written , well crafted story. But ending was completely unrealistic.

Why did author even go that way? Dr Jack had told Barry, there was no way

for her to come back.

MANY of you authors don't get it. ONCE A CHEAT Always a CHEAT

Or BURN THE BiTCh

.... what was a "5" IS NOW A 1!!! .....what a waste of a great story .... tell me are you a man hating woman writer or just a Cuck with a CUNT where you should have a cock and ball ... that is the real mystery of this sad tale ..........

Man oh man, what a great thriller. As the cliche goes...kept me on the edge of my seat. Marvelously paced and exceptionally plotted. Great dialogue with a bunch of characters to love and to hate. The ending was obviously difficult, but the potential redemption was perfect. I am very impressed with this story. WOW!

Story begin with what seemed a good plot. Then bullshit author (yeah, cuck-loving cunt likely) destroyed the tale by turning the husband into a wimp cuckolded stupid ass. Well, old story but fuck you author.

it was a 5 untill the end. how can anyone in there right mind accept her behavor.. now i have to give the ending a 0.

and lay people would say "BULL SHIT" E-MAN WROTE A GOOD STORY. TK U MLJ LV NV

I rated chapter one as a 5. Glad I fast-forwarded to chapter 12. Saved me a lot of other wise wasted time. Gave the overall a 1. chapter one = 5. But chapter12 is a sorry piece of ....rating 1 at best. It doesnt take eleven chapter to make a real man into a wimpy cuckold. Glad I skipped 2 through 11. I hate wimpy cuckold stories. You must be from wimpy england, at least in thinking.

Great plot but predictable. How did Phil know about about Barry staying in Boise. Rita? Could have worked Rita in as Phil's accomplice in GEO/Techs goings on.

I knew all along that Barry would try to salvage his marriage.

This story as it stands is not worthy of being published for reasons previously mentioned by other comments. Yet I gave it full marks because the framework of pro novel is there & it's my belief that if this author had a year to research the far ranging areas of interest ( covert surveillance , Dom/ Sub psychology , business espionage ) .

The novel in polished form could be a bestseller. The protagonist was a bit stilted. The author uses his characters as puppets and doesn't add flavor . Yet this had me flipping thru chapters based on potential & acceptable craftsmanship .

From reading comments & epilogue I'm anxious to find out if this promising author stepped up his game. Very ambitious & brave of author to take on all this as a premeire effort.

And, despite the justifications, still a story of the making of a wimp husband. Still a story of justification of a cheating wife (excuses are still excuses).

Too long and too windy. Good writing ability you just need to lose the "oh by the way..." instances.

I liked the way your story blended corporate crime, what looked manic depression and/or nymphomania or multi-personality disorder or something even more complex, and workaholic ambition into a tight and moving plot. Keep writing, your on your way to a best seller.

"adulterous sins"--who talks and thinks that way anymore? If my wife wants to have fun, I'll still be her obedient subby hubby, always eager to serve her.

YEP ONE TELLING A STORY ABOUT LOVE, OH YEAH A DYING CHRISTIAN IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER, PLEASE TELL ME THAT THIS SICK FUCK DIED HORRIBLY, WRITER OR CHARACTER OR THE CHRISTIAN READERS I'M GOOD WITH ANY, THIS IS WHY YOUR DAUGHTERS GET RAPED AND ENJOY IT, THEY THINK THIS IS LOVE, OR BETTER YET STRENGTH AND FORGIVENESS. LISTEN WELL....READY...CHRIST WAS NOT A WIMP YOU PATHETIC CHRISTIAN...HE WOULD HAVE TOLD THE BITCH OFF, NOT SUCK HER CHRISTIAN FORGIVENESS COCK

Only a total idiot would take that bitch back.

what was the point of this piece of garbage

Just another queer author wanting to suck cum

Let me get this straight. She's been fucking other men for several months, she blames him for all the problems, she has no remorse about anything she's done, she's probably still OK about becoming a stripper and a prostitute, he's going to let her move back into the house, and she wants cuddling and attention. And he's going to give it to her? This was a fairly written story, but NO FUCKING WAY! This story just drove itself off a cliff and all we could do was watch the coming crash and look for mangled, bloody bodies. A true piece of garbage. This story was bad enough to not even consider reading any more.

Would be to crucify the bitch in both mind and body That's all the cunt deserves.

How or if that happens we must leave to the skill and direction of the author.

What would be achieved by kicking her out. The end of the story! Realistic reconciliation under these circumstances would mean a very skillful piece of writing. To me it would be nice for the wife to come to terms with her treachery, feel true remorse and gain control of her sexual urges. We are human beings after all. He also must look to how he neglected his wife, particularly after the news of her inability to conceive. It seemed to be a loveless marriage from her point of view and he needs to address that.

Many of these trolls always blame the female partner. They obviously are incapable of having a relationship themselves because no doubt they were as arrogant and conceited as their diatribes.

I realize this is a story. Fantasy? Non-erotic? Yes. What made it so poor in my view was the dialog. Read like a high school drama play. Juvenile. The plot was good. The characters okay. The dialog, not.

The only subterfuge Was , what was the tie in to his company. The wife was toast. No hope. There was no need for her to describe the seduction. When ,as he was sitting there, you said he got wood, you lost me. She was Obviously not part of the employer conspiracy. No useful information would be obtained. When, as he sat there listening, he was aroused, you lost me. One star. Upon realizing that she was useless in solving the tie in I would have had him tell her that she had crossed the line and not only become his fuck slut, she had turned herself into a piece of shit. And, you know what happens to shit, right? It gets flushed. Right now you're circling the drain. Have a shitty life. Then, get up and walk out. You ll be hearing from my attorney.

She said" I promise truth" . What horseshit. Sir would have gotten up and left. Barry should have given no quarter. He angrily rose from his seat and said angrily , you must take me for some pussy cuckold. Your honesty is shit. If you can't agree completely with my rules there's the door. He should have gotten up and taken her suitcases to her car. Have a shitty life. Frankly, I still can't fathom why any MAN would even consider taking her back.

cuck shit.

Dump the cheating slut. She has all kinds of reasons that it's his fault and not hers. Enlighten her. Let someone else deal with this looney tune. 1 easily given *.

could have been great but too much indecision, slutitis has no cure only treatment, that treatment is divorce

From the line you put in about her fertility. The problem could be reversed if she had a surgery that would open up her tube she refused and he let her get away with it. Don't put something like that out there and just walk away form it.

most conspiracies are long term covert plans involving numerous plots with live people, TK U MLJ LV NV

Sure.

You write very well. You can capture ones mind as they read your story. I am confused of your ending. I would think you would finished the ending. It’s like a Hitchcock story. Great story, great plot but no ending.

One of the best stories I have read in a long time. It is in the skill category of authors Big guy 33 and Finish the damn story. Good characters and great plot. Hope you write more!

I lied...2*. A lot of words for a horseshit ending. I almost gave it a 1*. But the overall writing was good.

It was pretty God up the this point but since it's so obviously unfinished I will decline to rate in hopes that the author does finish the story.

Me, I'd of divorced her and never met with her. Let the lawyers deal with the paper work and court.

But the only palatable ending would be divorce, with or without her as his fuck slut. And painful retribution to the two co conspirators . But I fear for the worst. Fingers crossed, though the damage, as it were, is already done.

The only thing that makes any sense here...Barry must become the new master here...He must take total control of her or she WILL fuck up again....she is to weak to do it on her own.........and to be honest...I would want him to control her...It worked for Les...didn't it...Barry couldn't get her to come home and that proves my point.......

Well written Story even though I did not Care for it .. I Would not have taken her back . But that is Just the way I look at it ..

She already made it quite clear why Les was able to control her and that even if he took her back she would never be able to change is this guy stupid or just completely brain dead.

Honestly how any woman could want to be in her position is totally bewildering to me.

She is definitely mentally retarded. Even very arrogant about what she has done, she isn't sorry in the least and will do it again first chance she gets.

She cheated and could have walked away and didn't.

No. Divorce. And ball in her court to prove change

Only possible RAAC

jtwheels

....not appreciated. The entertainment factor not there. One measly star

Great story but a gross ending. No real man or woman would take someone like that back.

She's lied, cheated, humiliated and stabbed her husband in the back.

"It's just that he made me feel so much like a fulfilled woman..." says that you are less than he was.

Imo another amazing story completely ruined by a RAAC ending. 2.6*. Ill rate it a 3 as its in the higher 2s, but damn what a disappointing way to end a great story.

Haven't commented for quite awhile. This story begs for, at least, two things - FTDS ( he [they] will forever be missed,) and some reality. Even without a full blown BTB (maybe a 5.8 on SempareAmare's 5 point pickaxe scale), the wife should have been left alone. She chose her bed ... How long would she have stayed in the house, waiting for "Sir"? Even letting her come home smacks of RAAC in the worst definition of term. She's a "fulfilled" woman, so just let her be.

1 star - bdsm or violence always gets zero

No no no no no !! Fuck no ! After being totally disrespected doesn’t this dude realise there are other fish in the sea !!