A Dumb Blonde as Mayor

"You are an amazing young woman Andrea Finn. On, that reminds me. Amazing or not, I must spend more time on the ranch otherwise dad will be docking these days I'm spending with you as part of my vacation leave."

* * *

Andrea called Jefferson when he was drenching steers. "Notices are going up all over town stated, Vote for More of the Same. Elect Jake James. His photo makes him look as if he's drunk and just come out of working his way through the women's dorm. Women are going to be repelled by it."

So you don't want me and the boys to come into town and rip them off walls and fences and smash store windows to get at them?"

"Oh no, that would be a nasty thing to do. Besides let those repelling posters repel."

Wednesday's issue of the Newssheet carried a full page ad of Jake's poster and on the back page was an ad from Andrea stating: ' Pike's Point Needs More of the Same as it Needs a Hole in the Head. Vote for Andrea Finn, Brimful with Ideas to Steer Pike's Point Where You Want it to Be.'

That afternoon the PP Business and Professional Association unexpectedly presented Andrea with a pre-used pickup to use during the election supplied through member Colin Cole. She thanked the president and association's general manager when handed the keys and went around to thank Colin Cole.

"It's nothing. The mayoral limo is a Ford, supplied via me, and I'd like your connection with Ford to continue but it's up to you."

"Thank you for being upfront with me and then not applying the pressure Colin. I leave here totally relaxed about my loan election vehicle."

She drove out to the Robbins' Ranch that night and they were all delighted to see her. Jefferson's parents insisted Andrea call them Tim and Priscilla and only Priscilla thought it was hilariously funny when in great seriousness Andrea said, "I hope I can remember which one of you is Priscilla?"

Tim asked Andrea what would she like to drink before dinner and she said water; she'd be driving home.

"Stay here tonight, I'd love that," said Priscilla.

Andrea said she'd love that and looking Priscilla straight in the eye said, "But only if I can sleep with Jefferson."

There was a pregnant pause and the men's feet shuffled.

"Come on Priscilla, have the guts to say no if you mean no." Andrea said.

"Couldn't you just sneak into his room late night?"

"I'm a big girl and don't sneak Priscilla but this is your house and I'll respect your wishes."

"Are you likely to marry Jefferson?"

"Have the guts to say yes or no Priscilla."

"You are very welcome to sleep in my house – er Tim and my house – with Jefferson."

"Oh thank you Priscilla. Yes I shall marry Jefferson if he wants me. I'll win the election on the last Saturday of this month and I'd like to marry on the following Monday afternoon, but Jefferson and I need to discuss that. We haven't discussed marriage Priscilla. I hope I haven't offended you by spouting out about it Jefferson?"

"No, it's fine. I was so fascinated at your skill in wearing mom down without placing her under impossible pleasure I almost missed the marriage bit. I'll be in town Wednesday so we can go out to dinner and I'll propose then."

"Oh how sweet of you – we can delay if you wish; I don't wish to place you under pressure."

"No it's fine."

Tim appeared a little concerned. "But what if Wide James wins?"

Jefferson snorted. "He has as much chance of drinking cold beer in Hell as winning the election. Your clever daughter in law will have demolished him by the end of the month."

"Then you think Andrea will win?"

"Oh yeah. She'll pull in 80% of the vote."

Late next morning Andrea waited in her election office – the almost bare lounge of her home in Main Street. A reporter from the Gazette had called saying she and a photographer were on their way to get a photograph of her. He election opponent was claiming she was accepting bribes and had been given a Ford pick-up.

"Oh darling, if I accepted a car as a bribe I'd hold out for a top-of-line luxury model."

Andrea, wearing a modest red dress, hem four inches above the knee, posed for the photo, shades in her hair. She stood in the cargo box, leaning over the cab waving at the camera.

She told the journalist, "This is a case of bitching by my opponent already feeling he could be losing ground. His advisers came up with this grizzle, Jake being unable to think of anything because he was in a more-of-the-same mind lock. I simply have no vehicle, other than my bicycle, and when offered this four-year old Ford pickup I took it. It's a bit old but goes well and I'm thankful. Had the donated vehicle been a Hummer I would have said no; you can't be girly in one of those. Getting out of a pickup is great for showing you have good legs going way up."

"Oh this talk about bribe. Pike's Point Professional and Business Association has leased this vehicle for a month from Colin Cole Ford dealership and you'll see that fact sign-written on the side of the cargo tray for open disclosure. Rather than talking bribe, they told me they are backing me purely because I have an attitude that spells out a good future for the commercial area of this town. I appreciate that gesture and one of my stated election planks is to beautify the central business district. I think this puts that pathetic slimy cry of 'bribe' in perspective. If it doesn't, too bad."

The reporter gushed her thanks and they left saying they had the lead story for the rural edition of next day's Gazette.

The heading of new day's Gazette screamed, 'Male Opponent Claims Female in Mayorship Race Accepts Bribe – Opponent Say Nonsense'.

The beautiful photo of Andrea with the vehicle was huge and the caption read:

'Laughing off the allegation of bribery as being ridiculous is Pike's Point mayorship candidate Andrea Finn who says this four-year-old pickup is on a month's loan gets her around. She adds it's nifty for showing off her legs when she gets in and out of it."

Later a police lieutenant called to speak to Andrea about the gift of the vehicle. She gave him the details and said no way would she be keeping the vehicle after the day before the election and when asked did you see herself gaining any pecuniary advantage from the loan of the vehicle she replied, "No, definitely not. If fact it is costing me gas at these high prices."

The lieutenant thanked her and said if what she had said checked out and the business association and not the dealership had made the vehicle available to her, it was unlikely she would hear anything more about the matter from the police.

* * *

Emerson had gone away with his father for three days' fishing and Priscilla had flown off to visit her parents so Andrea was on her own. She intended not to campaign by door-knocking and kissing babies and shaking hands on the street.

Just as Andrea yawned and thought she was lonely, Robina's mom Sandra Jones from two doors up called and invited Andrea 'and your man friend' to dinner that evening.

"He's gone fishing."

"God, and left a yummy like you alone; he must be one of those take it or leave it men?"

"I think we both need a rest from it; it's been very wearing."

Robina's mom screamed with laughter and said she'd appreciate having company. "As you know my husband died last year and that police sergeant Guy Bell who was here about the helicopter met me in court yesterday and I invited him to dinner tonight and only then thought I should invite someone else. You know it could lead to something but I don't want it hitting me in a rush as Robina must come first."

"Of course. We must be careful Sergeant Bell Doesn't make a meal of us both."

Sandra shrieked with laughter. "God you are funny."

"You said you met in court; you're not in trouble are you Sandra and if so what may I do to assist?"

"God no, I'm an attorney and was representing a client on a serious driving misdemeanor."

"How serious was serious?"

"My client was so drunk he crashed into a police vehicle correctly parked on the other side of the road. I was able to prove he'd just been placed on heavy medication and had not been verbally warned about drinking alcohol while receiving treatment for boils on his scrotum. I managed to get him off with a fine but no license suspension. Prosecuting Sergeant Bell was impressed."

"Please check that he doesn't have boils."

They both screamed with laughter.

"God, we're not fit to be called women," Andrea said and Sandra set them off into another round of laughter.

"Sandra you're nervous about tonight aren't you?"

"Nervous?"

"Yes nervous."

"Um yes, very."

"Okay, I'll come over early and we'll read to Robina together and I'll help you choose a dress and run the bath for you and check on the dinner...all this will help to calm you. And we must promise not to talk about men."

"Oh thank you Andrea; that's more than I could wish for."

* * *

Andrea was nursing the almost-asleep Robina when Sandra walked in with the off-duty policeman.

"Guy this is my friend Andrea Finn and with her is my daughter Robina."

"Hi Andrea, not causing trouble I see. Hi little sweetie."

Robina asked, "Are you really a policeman?"

"Yes."

"Mommy says you might become my daddy."

"Oh god," Sandra sighed, flopping on the sofa.

"We'll have to see about that darling but your mom is known for her good taste."

"Well, that's certainly cut the ice," Andrea said cheerfully. "You handled that astutely Guy, well done. Say something to him Sandra but for god sake don't dig a deeper hole by apologizing."

"Thank you Guy for being so lovely to Robina. May I pour you a drink?"

"Come on Robina, kiss your first policeman and then mommy and I'll put your to bed and read you one last story."

Fifteen minutes later Andrea returned to the family room and said brightly, "Oh good, you two are not fighting; that's promising."

They looked at her nervously.

"Guy could your pour me whatever the lovely Sandra is drinking. Have you had a busy day scaring women who don't answer back like me?"

"I didn't believe you could be so upfront and audacious in talking to police on police business without that being your natural manner Andrea. Well I've had that confirmed here tonight."

"Oh okay. And you are just a nice as when on duty. Are you married?"

"No divorced."

"Oh I'm sorry."

"Children?"

"No but my wife lost one after five months and the aftermath dragged on with her slipping in and out of depression. She left me and filed for divorce."

"That is sad so sad Guy. Sandra and I find that a little distressing because you are such a lovely man. Say something Sandra. Tell us about your divorce."

"Well guys, what is there to tell? He was all over me and I failed to spot his roving eye. Then one day when Robina, not quite five, said to me, "Daddy took me to another lady's house today where I had a sleep..."

"I'll check on dinner," Andrea said, racing away before Sandra could say she'd do it.

Sandra came into the kitchen ten minutes later to find Andrea on a stool with a glass of wine.

"Why didn't you join us?"

"Because you two had something to talk about."

"Did you have to bring up divorce?"

Andrea smiled calmly. "Did you know Guy was divorced?"

"No, but I suspected it."

"And what do you know now?"

Sandra pouted. "Okay, that's one up to you. But did you have to bring up my divorce?"

"Did he know about it?"

"No...oh I see, he does now. That's two up to you. Andrea, you should have become an attorney."

"Rubbish, more than half the stuff we are involved in is just common sense. I teach children Robina's age. If you want to learn about people and different slants they have on the world, then live in a schoolroom of 20-plus little people who mostly will openly express themselves and make you really think and share with you their fears and expectations and be so direct you communicate without baggage. It's wonderful."

"Talking about children?" Guy smiled coming into the room. "I was puzzled why I was being left alone."

"Just a temporary lull darling," Andrea said, putting an arm around Sandra and holding an arm out for Guy. Come and kiss the both of us; it will make dinner more enjoyable."

How right Andrea was. Before too long at the table they were talking and laughing like three very close friends.

Andrea had started the dishes when a happy princess floated into the room.

"You were a long time saying goodnight. Did he kiss you?"

"Yes, several times. He told me you are absolutely wonderful and I agreed, wholeheartedly. I have much to thank you for darling."

"Rubbish. All you needed was someone to pull you from your rut. You two will be rutting soon."

"Andrea!" Sandra shrieked, kissing her fully.

"Thank you and that was lovely darling. Grab a tea towel please."

Next morning Andrea was hanging out washing when she heard he phone go. She shrugged and left it. Back inside she checked and found she had a message. She listened and heard a male voice say just one word, "Thank you." She noted the caller was Sergeant Bell. She smiled but later over coffee gloom began to descend.

Andrea sat in the shade eyeing the flapping washing and had an astonishing thought: she hadn't really thought through her work as mayor. The population of the town was too small to have a fulltime mayor. That floored her. She'd need a job, a job that would allow her to attend day meetings. Jefferson would want her to live on the ranch, so she'd have to come to town for evening functions and meetings. Oh god, what a mess. All she'd been thinking about was policies and winning. How juvenile. How could a person that vacant lead the team to run the city?

She groaned and sipped coffee.

What were the facts? Was the town (it had decided against seeking city status) growing, static or fading? What was the base of the city's economy? She knew nothing about it... absolutely nothing.

She was inviting the adult population to vote in a dumb blonde as mayor.

Andrea began weeping in frustration. How could she have been so stupid? Could Mornington even afford to raise the loans to a new airport if it were ever built and if it was decided to build it how many trillion years would it take before the first commercial flight landed? And what was the economic feasibility of building a marina? How much did it cost to drain and deepen a swamp? Who actually wanted a marina and would be prepared to pay unsubsidized rentals?"

She began crying hopelessly.

And then her phone went.

Andrea was about to toss the phone at the sheets on the line when she thought, with a flash of hope, that the caller might be fisherman Jefferson.

"But it wasn't...actually given the situation it was someone much better for her right now.

"Hi Sandra."

"Good morning darling. I just wanted to say how wonderful you were last night. I'm so happy. Guy woke me up, calling me at 6:00 this morning. He didn't want to miss saying good morning before he went off on his run. I used to run."

"That is lovely. I'm so happy f-for you."

"Andrea, are you all right?"

"No," she sobbed, and gushed out her troubled thoughts.

"Darling I want you down at Mrs Mullin's coffee gardens in ten minutes, and that's non-negotiable. Put on lipstick and panties and get down there."

Andrea sat waiting and Mrs Mullins came over and sat with her, congratulating Andrea for all the good she was doing for the community."

"But I've done nothing yet; it's been all words."

"Yes dear, but you've introduced hope. This town has been in the doldrums for years and it will take a lot to change that. But the first thing required is hope and vision and my reading is you are delivering that in big dollops."

"Am I?"

"Of course you are. Oh here are two of my favorite clients – Sandra and Geoffrey. Oh they are heading straight here."

"Yes, I'm meeting Sandra."

"Oh good, she'd be a good friend for you."

Coffee had been delivered. Geoffrey turned out to be Sandra's Uncle Geoff who was the new owner of Pike's Point Transport. Andrea was aware of those trucks, painted yellow, and had seen Mr Perkins about several times and knew he was on the school board.

"Uncle Geoff is interested in you working for him, that is if you know anything about bookkeeping, principally handling accounts in, invoices out and presenting checks for signing and then dispatching them."

"For several years from a young age I helped my aunt do that work for my father's business and when at college I acted for her whenever she was away."

"Well that sounds promising," Uncle Geoff said. "The replacement women we've had in have been very unsatisfactory."

"But there is something else," Sandra beamed. "Uncle Geoff retired as the council's chief operations officer eighteen months ago after thirty years' service as COO and before that chief engineer."

"Oh my goodness."

"Sandra said you require some intense briefing sessions. Well I go out fishing some afternoons, depending on weather rather than the state of the tide at 4:00 and you are welcome to accompany me. It's a great environment for talking. Perhaps I can provide valuable briefings and there are other fairly recently retired council officers I could arrange for you to visit."

"Um, if I did come to work for you there is a matter of flexibility in hours."

"You'd need a lot of time away but providing you get the job done, making up lost time by working late, then that's fine. I know what's involved at City Hall and the demands that will be made on you. They'll pay you a half salary and if you're any good I pay you more than a half salary. You know of course you have absolute control of meeting times; you may find late afternoon meetings will suit your other occupation just fine. Come with me now and let me put you through your paces. Don't mind the woman working as accounts manager now – she's on an hourly rate from a local employment finder agency."

"Oh thank you Mr Perkins."

"Your imminent Honor, please call me Geoff."

Sandra giggled and Andrea managed a big smile.

By late afternoon she had been employed, to start the next Monday, and was out fishing.

"Geoff – most of your trucking business is the freight service to Mornington. As an election policy I am advocating a marine freight service between the two centers."

"Bring it on. The freight will have to be loaded on to trucks and townspeople will choose my trucks so what's the problem? Our drivers will love you if this comes about, as they'll have a cruise instead of getting road sick coping with all those bends. Honey, just make sure it's a roll on, roll off service. A traditional container service could cut into our income."

Jefferson returned home desperate to see Andrea again and after trying to drive her through the bed headboard said tiredly, any news?"

"I've become very friendly with Robin's mom who is starting toward having a fling with Sergeant Bell, I have commenced having briefing sessions with some recently retired senior people from the council, gaining vital background. I was totally ignorant about the town's economy. Servicing ranching was one obvious thing but I was unaware the old industries of forestry and fishing are practically gone, that granite quarrying and metal pit production for road construction are now our economic base and that farm produce container manufacturing is a multi-million dollar earning and is our largest single earner."

Jefferson yawned and said she needed to know those things. "Look, while out fishing I mentioned to dad about the possibility of a new airport being constructed within our territorial hinterland and he said that would be a big boost for this town and service suppliers would find this town a far closer base than Mornington – a significant plus what with fuel prices increasing road delivery costs."