All Comments on 'A Hero's Return Pt. 02'

The first time you changed POV you included something to mark the change. After that, nada. If you’re going to keep on changing the POV, use something every time it changes.

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This may be for future reference since, from the arrival of this chapter the day after the first, I infer you have written the entire story. Normally, that would be good since it means you are writing your story and not because – pro or con—the reaction of others, but there are too many grammatical mistakes (such as this and punctuating dialogue) that could be corrected if you were following the usual, write, post, write, post, etc. sequence.

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As others pointed out, having him injured and now, presumably, this giving her an in or him needing to rely on her is a cheap and easy way of forcing a reconciliation. If you didn’t just throw this into the mix, reconciliation would have been forced and illogical, given what you wrote in Chapter 1. The problem is, if it does occur, is that it’s still forced. Using this as the catalyst for a reconciliation isn’t clever, it isn’t a great twist, it’s cheap and clichéd. It’s trite. It shows you wanted a reconciliation at any cost, logic and reason be damned. It shows you didn’t want to make the effort to think up a logical and reasonable conclusion that grew out of what you set up.

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That said, if it DOESN’T lead to a reconciliation, it’s still cheap and it’s shallow. You maimed your main character for pretty much no reason.

Started strong,Now turning to shit. I would have thought that having a teenage daughter at home would be reason enough for the Major to live....Guess not. Oh,And what a surprise... Wifey's on her way! Mmmmmm? A German military hospital. Lots of wounded men, Doctors,and Nurses. At least Kathy will be busy as she works her way through the personnel on the base. Maybe the author should change his name to callmecucky. -BGunns

keep the story going its great,,,,,had a cheating bitch 4 a wife myself,if the major takes her back then i hope it turns into a BDSM story

of these cuckies always bringing up non-erotic, when they should really be honest with themselves and stick to gay male, should enjoy chapter 3 when one can only assume this suddenly heroic wife will be nursing hubby back to health, feeding him cream pies like a mother bird. After all, they must reconcile, however absurd the possibility may seem. At any costs!

I believe there's a lot more truth here than meets the eye concerning military personnel being cheated on. That, of course, includes both genders. Story line is pretty good. I've no problem discerning which character is speaking when you change paragraphs. It fits in okay with the story. I'm enjoying it. Cheers!

First of all, as someone else said, you can't keep bouncing back and forth with no indication of who is speaking.

Second, while I understand Bob's lack of concern for himself, he should have thought about his daughter before taking unnecessary risks.

And finally, if he takes her back, it would have been better if he died over there. He should tell her that if she wants to do anything for him she should just go far away and leave him alone.

There is a category for stories without any "deranged sex." It's called Non-Erotic.

I would read this story without any of the deranged sex others seem to want. It's a good one and most importantly deals with real issues of returning Vets. I look forward to more chapters and will be more than happy to wait for them.

This was almost unreadable. If you're going to bounce back and forth in first person narrative, then there needs to be some white-spacing, or other indication that the narrator has changed. The whole thing just feels really, really, rushed. A shame, really, since the first chapter had promise.

It appears you really rushed through this. I'm not sure why, maybe you were just anxious to get it published.

Take your time. I don't like first person bouncing back and forth in a story but if you're going to do it, you must use something to indicate a scene change.

Also, things seem too abrupt. One minute the wife is thinking of marrying her lover and the next, after a quick argument, she considers him dead to her. Something like that needs a lot more build up.

It appears you really rushed through this. I'm not sure why, maybe you were just anxious to get it published.

Take your time. I don't like first person bouncing back and forth in a story but if you're going to do it, you must use something to indicate a scene change.

Also, things seem too abrupt. One minute the wife is thinking of marrying her lover and the next, after a quick argument, she considers him dead to her. Something like that needs a lot more build up.

Though this and the first instalment are much better than the frequent gutter tripe which posted in LW, this story lacks soul. For me it reads like a copy & paste (albeit tried and tested) template with unbelievable characters.

The wronged husband is a military hero and so this by default means the average joe cannot relate to him; even then there is no substance to his character which can make him a tragic character worthy of our sympathy, aside from the fact that he was cheated on.

Wifey is more of an enigma. If she is so loving as we are led to believe by Hubby's recollections, how can she step out on him in such a brazen fashion? And why in the hell would she risk negative public exposure by having an immoral tryst with the mayor of all public figures, when she knows she has a lot to lose by stepping out on her army husband? She may be drunk on sluttiness, but one would assume she'd be aware of her precarious public position to even attempt such a delicious yet dangerous temptation.

Secondly, I'm weary of unfaithful wives who rue the loss of their cheated husbands in the aftermath of a decimated marriage; if they were bold enough to try strange dick, one would think they were astute enough to recognize the marriage was a failure and so move on to greener pastures without so much as batting an eyelid. But no, we have to read about weepy, repentant tramps who miss the good ol' life. This type of woman is a rare breed indeed.

After chasing the ex mayor after the shit hit the fan , this women is so lost no amount of atonement could ever make up for her bad behavior. The major will need help , so if he wants her to be his slave and not let her off the hook ,so be it.

Not credible for a woman to repent like this one appears to be doing. Looks like an RAAC train wreck coming. Much better would be for both parties to meet someone new.

This was REALLY poorly done! The dialogue is ridiculous. The first chapter, although lacking, was still better written then this. Just a couple of notes for the author for future reference; When you go to another paragraph within quotes, the start of the paragraph has quotation marks but not the end until the quote is over. IE:

"He said I was wounded.

"I told him, who cared."

ALSO; When you change characters you need a scene change indicator. Bouncing back and forth between people is confusing otherwise.

I think you should keep writing but you have a lot to learn. Read your own work objectively, as if it was someone else' and critique it. Then make adjustments. Good luck in the future.

The Major can not take his wife back because as an United States military officer he is bound by this simple code:

"I will not lie, cheat or steal. Nor tolerate those that do."

This was very poorly written with the POV transitions being very hard to follow and a lack of bridging details.

keep writing this is good and i think he will forgive her

Please don't give her the forgiveness she seeks. He can allow her her request but should establish what she did and continued to do after the separation is unexceptable. It'll kill this story if he goes back on his actions because of his injuries. He more than ever could kill the former mayors reputation even more as a hero and should do so.

Yes, it was a bit hard to follow the different points of view and figure out who was doing the narrative, but overall the story has a gritty edge to it that I like. The daughter is portrayed a bit too adult in her conversations with her mom and the dialog is more like what the husband would say during emotional confrontations.

The anti RAAC crowd will hate any reconciliation, but he still loves his wife and she loves him. Right now they need each other and sharing time will be good for both of them. Whether they actually reconcile remains to be seen.

the wimpy useless,semi-illiterates that make so many stupid infintile comments. i know that this only a story,but how many military men of many nations have undergone the treatment that Crawford has?

Many of us saw RAAC coming in the first chapter. That was troubling enough, but now we've learned she followed Donald to his new home. Maybe CMS will surprise us with an ending we've never seen in a story like this. Speaking of Donald, no way he was paid enough as Mayor to afford his big, black Mercedes and the lifestyle which he apparently led. And now he's the Asst. Mgr. at a restaurant? Does not compute.

Oh, and the "tags" are very weak. I'll never be able to find this story if I use tags that would seem to make sense. (cheating? cheating wife? war hero? injured soldier? etc?)

Lately wimp authors seem to be multiplying. It looked that you had potential, but at the end you wimped out too. 1 star

i would hate a person like don but in this story he is the only person who is real.

the underlying issue is interesting. Here is a badly damaged man, both mentally and physically. He really will need a lot of help to get his life straight. Where will he get it? As terrible as his wife's actions were, he has few options. What is the best thing for him personally? It may well be to allow his ex to help him through the rough weeks ahead. After he is back on his foot, he may cut her loose, or he may not. Right now he needs to heal, and if having her around helps the guy, then God bless him! He deserves any and all chances at happiness he can get.

joining hands with the dgs, rks, slurpy puffies and many other zombie morons

1 star *

1 STAR

1 *

I cannot believe the 2nd chapter was written by the same person who wrote chapter 1. Even the characters have changed tack. Seems to be going along the lines of the hero husband being nursed back to health by whore wife - she is redeemed. Done before .. hope it does not go this way.

liked the first chapter, but you seem to be rushing the story now, and it looks like its just another cucky wimp-ass husband forgiving the - in this case - appalling wife, shame ,you showed promise.

Learn to control your word flow, how to construct a sentence, just everything. This awful.

. . . of disassociated and quite disjointed dialogue between the key characters. I like the approach.

With carvohi,

There is a big difference between the first and second chapter and there seems to be a big miss in the daughter. Please do remember she is only 15, and now living with her grandmother. Too much useless dialogue about the wife really saying nothing and going round and round aimlessly. Your first chapter was fast moving and had direction.

You are a good writer so please continue to work your craft.

Yes, what we're reading is a common theme. I wished that all war-time wives were always faithful, but too often they're not. The veteran comes homes and he's awash in emotions spanning the spectrum from bright hope to deepest despair. I find this story troubling, even potentially tragic. I want to see where callmesparky takes us. I want the damn thing to end well for Kathy and our major. I sure don't want payback or revenge. We need a few happy endings; our veterans deserve a few happy endings.

I'm enjoying this story, but I have a problem with part two.

Here's what I like.

First, there's nothing inconsistent in Kathy's behavior in part two. The inconsistency was in part one when she allowed herself to be manipulated by Don. She was vulnerable and he took advantage; had she been stronger their affair would never have happened. But her exposure as an adulterous began to restore her to her original nature. Her husband's injury has only triggered further remorse. To many anonymous readers Kathy can only be a saint or a demon; she's neither. We know almost nothing about her except she married a strong man who left to serve his country. We don't know anything about her upbringing, her father, or her mother. Let's see where Calllmesparky takes her.

Second, our hero hasn't denied his deep affection for his wife. He hasn't forgiven her, but his manliness won't let him cut her off. He'll protect her yet if he can. he may never forgive her. He may never take her back, but he certainly won't try to destroy her. Only a weak man, a man with no character would do that.

I do have two problems with part two.

First the daughter is fifteen; she's been consistently far too mature for someone that age. Let's try to remember she's still an adolescent. Her hormones are working at full tilt. Those are brand new tits on her chest, and older boys have certainly been prowling around. She should be a jumble of ragged emotions, and she most definitely needs her mom just as much as she needs her dad. That last piece is scary; she probably thinks she hates mom but she needs her too.

Second, I wished our hero hadn't been wounded. His injuries could be far worse than we've been; the pelvis thing is troubling. Second, I'm afraid we might end up trivializing the wounded warrior thing, and that would be tragic.

Last, some 'anon' said he, or she, wants to contact Laurel because he, or she, is upset about the possibility of a reconciliation or something. I'd like to remind that 'anon'; there were over 500,000+ deaths in WW2, 35,000+ Korean fatalities, 58,420+ Vietnam deaths, and 5,000+ Iraq/Afghan deaths. This does not count the many hundreds of thousands of wounded. Every death, every wounded man, or woman, had, or has, his or her own unique story. Whatever this author writes will be valid in that context. Saying you're going to complain to laurel is akin to running to 'mommy' because you don't like what you read, and 'running to mommy' is not manly.

This is the wife's POV, and everyone is assuming what will happen next. There is no doubt what Kathy did was the lowest possible thing an Army wife could do. I won't rehash everything, but remember she took off her wedding rings, told people she was getting a divorce, asked her daughter to get her birth control pills, and make up. The kicker was after being discovered she went to her lover, stayed with him, and fucked him.

Bob gets mad and leaves for duty, end of chapter one.

Chapter 2 is mostly her perspective. But we discover Bob got savagely hurt, which most will agree was going to happen based on the words used to end chapter one.

Am I right?

Now Kathy through all this had her wonderful "epiphany", ...oh Bob you were right, I was such a fool...and so on, and so on. Oh yes the wanton whore, the slut, has magically transformed back to the beautiful wife and mother as she leaves her lovers den, AGAIN, and waits expectantly for her family to take her back. Wasn't that a beautiful letter she wrote, explaining how such a tragic poor little girl she was seduced by the big bad mayor....

Let's think about this. If Kathy did NOT become a slut, then Bob would NOT have went back to duty angry. Odds are he would have been "on the top of his game" Instead he goes back full of spit and vinegar, and not firing on all cylinders. I am sure the military personnel who read this will understand, (thank you for your service too).

Bob gets savagely hurt, losing body parts, etc.

Kathy did this to him, Kathy DID THIS TO HIM. Her selfish betrayal of a man serving in the armed forces caused a loving husband, father to become grievously wounded serving his country, and because of her CUNTry, he is in the hospital.

I honestly cannot see Bob consider taking her back. His character would not allow it. He will always love Kathy she is the mother of Stacy. He is hurt and rationalizing, not uncommon in these circumstances. Cut the man some slack.

Back to Kathy's letter and the conclusion of this anonymous "long winded" comment. Her revelation, her epiphany, her awakening has happened. Ladedadeda.

In her closing comment, she could see Bob and then commit suicide, the easy way out and place more hurt on Bob, or she could nurse him and hope her "feminine wiles" will re-seduce her husband.

BUT, as the story unfolded and like most of you getting angrier and angrier at what COULD happen, a light bulb went off. Read his response carefully. What word is missing?

Kathy,

You can come.

Bob

End Part 2.

L-O-V-E

That word missing from his short to the point response to me speaks volumes, and if I am wrong and it is a reconciliation story, this will be a very sad human tragedy. Because as written, the wife pushed every single button to drive him away. I cannot see a strong military man demean himself and take her back.

He is worth everything, she is worth nothing.

I am thinking this chapter is what some excellent writers do. It is called a MISDIRECTION, but instead of a paragraph CMS wrote an entire chapter....

So the question is, not for this chapter but the next. A one or a five?

I hope this is a prophecy,

Chapter 1 4.55

Chapter 2 2.88

Chapter 3 4.76

Now wouldn't that be interesting?

Don't fuck this up Callmesparky

I am sorry Sparky, but after the great part 1 this felt like a serious let-down.

It reads almost like a tagged-on "feel-good Disney-ending" with no substance or character development of any kind. The wife suddenly sees all her mistakes, the lover magically transforms into a one dimensional villain, the flawless and heroic husband becomes even MORE heroic and gratiously forgives, yadda yadda yadda. There is no conflict, no tension, no emotion. It's basically just an elaborate piece of exposition.

On a technical level this part wasn't as good as part 1 either. The structure was erratic, editing was kinda sloppy and so on. Which leads me to believe that you did this in a hurry or maybe just as an obligation to the readers.

In summary, part 2 was a lot like Highlander 2 - it shouldn't exist in it's current form. You wrote a very fine part 1 that easily stands on it's own. If you do want to continue the story, you should at least write a second part that "adds" some substance.

You are getting a "3" for this one (part on was a "5") because you are still a good writer. But this wasn't your best work.

5* feel good story. Even broken, self hating, miserable humans deserve the right to the pursuit of happiness with the rest of their lives. This story is one of them. I have the same misgivings as most responses but then there is always the higher option.

I also want to raise a question. What is the worth of an anonymous response?

Good lord. The overwrought emotional dialog...the heroism...the despair...the shame...

Cue the organ music.

THIS is what people like to read in the Loving Wives category???

SMH.

great story with a great main character. at least his ex-wife has finally come to realize that she really did him wrong. hope to the next chapter soon

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Forgiveness only invites further betrayals.

In a cheating wife story there are only two ways it can go. They get back together or they don't. The way this story seems to be going I guess is the way I like. I chose to forgive my wife twice and we have been married for 42 years.

Some are going to be surprised if they get back together and some will be surprised if they don't. That is what makes these stories special, at least to me. The great parts of these stories is how they get there. bp.

OK part one, I wanted her burned. She showed no remorse. IN fact she asked her husband to send her birth control pills so she could keep cheating on him. also she didnt stay with family or a hotel when they split. She lived with her lover.

Then she moved to the other state with him.

Now these clearly show she didnt want the husband, and frankly were nails in the coffin of the marriage. The story was well written to reflect its death.

Part 2. She is completely different, and its written, very well, to want us to have them reconcile.

Each part well done. But the damage in part one was so complete it doesnt match part 2. If part 2 was set after immediately after he returned to confront them, then it meshs. But this is like 2 different stories.

I am curious how the author will complete the tale. Revert back to part 1, or proceed with part 2. I would say it has to lead to reconcile, the story is in a corner in that regards.

I knew it was coming, I didn't even waste the time reading the entire story. Shame there isn't a 0* option. Nothing against the writing, you are fine with that, but I can't condone the path the story is taking. I'm a retired Marine, and saw this story to many times.

... Please don't tell me that anybody actually thought this was going to end well. The dead give away was Kathy's "brave" confession at Donald's news conference in Pt. 01. RAAC fans can rejoice because anybody with half a brain knows that's exactly where this story is heading.

This author is disgracing the members of the armed services and should be banned from Literotica! I have so e-mailed Literotica.

How the wife acted when cheating, when discovered and later when following her lover is not a bit in line with how she expressed her feelings in the letter to her husband. Are we dealing with two different persons here? Without explanation of these inconsistencies (perhaps with a counselor?) I cannot vote on this story any more. How many chapters will follow? We obviously have a reconcilliation ahead. But after all she did - especially after discovery of her affair - IMO this hardly is a case for this.

a very good RAAC, she publically whored on him with the mayor, then in act of maturity showing she had grown up she moved in with her fellow adulterer. A seriously injured war hero needs help she moves in, and they reconcile, please oh dear god don't go down that path its to pathetic. Let him meet a young mature nurse that falls in love with him and marries him, and let the whore die of AIDS. Love the part where the exmayor forgives her and lets her move in with him

Headed downhill fast!

C'mon Sparky let the major keep his balls. If the taliban didn't blow them off, then you shouldn't either.

Life most times is cruel, and punishes who less deserves. That's a fact. That's what happened with him. But life also has devious ways to repair what went wrong...Still a good story...

I really liked Chapter One.

This chapter was shrill and annoying.

I disagreed with others who said your dialogue in Chapter One was unrealistic--I thought it and the narrative had the perfect tone of someone in the military.

The dialogue here was... painful. Very, very painful. It was too long, too stilted and you, like other newish writers, attempted to inject narrative information into the dialogue.

As for the story--it's going in a predictable direction that's been played out many, many times before. I'd hoped for better.

I gave you five stars last time. Now, you get one.

Nope, you're ruining it, won't read the next chapter as I can already see you are going to reconcile them. 1*

And, Kathy is a cartoon character, not a real person.

Looks like we are heading for a very predictable outcome, how about ending this story in a unexpected manner? Don't let Bob and Kathy get back together; at the last minute change the story line. Shock your audience.

Most of the betrayal stories in 'loving wives" involve unrealistic and predictable forgiveness. Write something different.

part 1-3*

PART 2-1*

In case you all have forgotten:- Forgiveness is the biggest test of courage and integrity!

Also:-'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone' - someone famous said that!

It hit too close to home for many, but it is still well written. Forgiveness should not be ruled out because some people hate reconciliation stories. The story should go where YOU want to take it. Keep on writing! *****

I knew it. I could see it at the end of ch. 1. Bottom line, the cunt got away with it.

What the fuck

Starting to lose me with this plot. The fact that she went back to Connelly, the terrible injuries, the change of heart and her desire to take care of her crippled husband, his allowing her to come for a visit! - this is turning into a sick and pathetic cuckold story. Here is how it goes for a man who is a man: He goes back to Afghanistan because he has to, he realizes that his military career has contributed to his wife's affair, he swears he will get home to take care of his daughter ASAP, he stays safe and DOES HIS JOB as a father and makes it home, he completes the divorce and moves on with his life, he finds a decent woman and slowly forgets about his cheating slut ex wife, he and his daughter have next to no contact with her, she dies young because she is shacked up with Connelly and they have next to no health insurance and she doesn't go to the doctor regularly anymore, by the time the find the cancer it is too late to do anything about it.

I actually laughed through most of it. So formulaic, predictable, and repetitive of prior “our wronged hero gets run over by a runaway garbage truck stories” seems like plagiarism. But maybe it will get a non formula ending; something other than the exwife nurses him back to health and 1] gives him a leg transplant so how can he not love her, and/or 2] she feeds him baby food since he's now a dribble glass person and then gives him oral for the rest of his life so he tolerates her around, and/or 3] she finds out he has a relationship with a nurse he met and so she quietly assumes the subservient role in a 3 some just so she can be near him and atone for her sins... There's maybe more; you know them. Still hoping he gets elected Mayor. Maybe then he'll give a big speech to get the whole town to forgive her. Then the sun will come out, birds will sing, flowers will bloom again... More cliches. Good grief this so bad, its starting to work on the SO BAD ITS GOOD LEVEL. LOL.

I say that a lot :-O

Anyway, this chapter felt rushed and could have used better separation between the characters pieces.

Still great plot and characters. Let's call s more of a "format" issue.

Tux.

Thanks for sharing.