All Comments on 'A Jedi's Training Ch. 17'

Very good. Much back to your original style. However, just a few comments. Your structuring is a little bit off. The paragraph breaking and such. One of the conversations was a bit forced, but not too much so.

All in all...very very good. The development of characters is actually shown here, rather than the previous installment. However, liana's new ability seems somewhat...strange to have suddenly popped up yet not further explained.

good job, keep on developing your talent.

very well written, but i half-agree w/ the other guy. But other than that, it was really good. Keep up the good work and i hope that you write again soon.

Thanks for such a revealing new chapter. Liana's new power should definitely see further exploration and explanation as to where it came from in further chapters, but for now, I was willing to accept it as something to do with her attunement to sexual objects and the memories those objects store. Very well done. Nice to see Eryn and Jacen mending things; I'll be happier to see them in the same scene together again, too! Over all, keep up the outstanding work.

Excellent story, wish there was more of Eryn and Jacen but I can live with liliana(did I misspell that? Sorry) all in all I enjoyed the story very much and would love to see another chapter if you are going to contuine the story.

u make great use of the star wars universe, the force and the dark side. although everythign is sexual related u can feel the struggle the characters go through, it all seems very natural and not far fetched at all!

u created a really great sci-fi story here and i hope u will publish more chapters, dont let it end like this. a great story i hope u will continue asap!

This is a great series, i enjoy reading it very much.

From one star wars fan to another, a race you may want to experiment with would be the Zeltrons. Look them up on wookieepedia. Again, great series.

Boring series, don't waste your time writing

It's an entertaining fantasy, but you completely dismiss many of the basic tenets of the Jedi code. And the paragraphs concerning sex are often way too long. Hard to read.

Fantasy like this only works if you really understand your subject. Otherwise, it comes off as hokey. You took a popular subject and tried to eroticize it without thinking the material through.

All in all, it's not bad. But if you really delved into the basics behind George Lucas' ideas, you could have done better.