by monamante
Very alluring characters with an interesting background story. I like the surprise of the wife who seems to be from hell. Things should be interesting in Vegas. I can't wait.
Thanks for sharing your talent.
IDB.
Great story. Can't wait to hear what happens in Vegas. Thanks for sharing-. Christie
I loved the story behind it, it kept me interested. I usually just skip around stories like these but I loved how you kept me interested. I look forward to reading more.
i`m hoping that you will not left this story hanging,this is a good read and have sense please keep writing soon so that i can properly vote for your story..tnx(cinder)
The tension that you have built between the characters is excellent, but some of the transitions are about as smooth as glass breaking. If you are going for somewhat psychotic, you are right on target.
Great start to the story. I didn't see the wife addition at all. I hope you are planning on continuing the story, I would love to know what happens in Vegas!!!!
I really hope that you finish the story. Please don't leave it hanging.
really enjoyed it would like to read more and see how this works out
Absolutely love this story & am dying to find out what happens next! Please post part 2, & soon!
What a total cliffhanger, cant wait for part 2. I love this story!!!!
Oh! I'm soo excited for your next update! I hope it's as long as this one is! Ur amazing!
Every single of your stories is amazing! Please keep writing and treating us with your gift/talent. I look forward to every sorry and every chapter and this was worth the wait. Can't wait to read more.
XOXO
Thank you to everyone who has been so amazing with the positive feedback, support and great patience. There will be a second part to come out within the next week or two.
had me flipping out when I found out she was married! Kitty better start using her claws bc Santa's been naaaaaaughty ;) can't wait for part two!
Action, intrigue, and sassy spicy women! What more could u want!!!? Love the story so far! More please.
Im new to erotica and have already notices the cheeainesa of most of these stories. However, yours is amazing. Much like fifty shades, i fell in love woth the story as well as the sex. Except yours is much better than fifty shades because it is realistic, and has some kick ass women. Well done!!
I havent read in a while so i decided to find something for a change to appease my boredom and i guess loneliness. There must be a god because this story is amazing. It gets directly to the point, the dialogue and self talk is so interesting. I swear ive been smiling like an idiot throughout reading. Cant wait to read the rest. Damn!
That was awesome. You're writing style, as well as the inner and outer struggle, really bring the story along.
Interesting story and characters. Because of problems with punctuation, it was difficult to read sometimes. Literotica has a volunteer editor program - getting help with punctuation will make your story easier and more enjoyable to read.
I love strong female leads, and so far you've got three of them in this one story. I can't wait to see how this plays out...
Okay. Fantastic work. So good, in fact, I'm taking this seriously, so it won't be flowers and cheers...
“… walked Jordan and I to the car.” No. She “walked Jordan and me to the car.” All you have to do to get it right is pretend “Jordan and” aren’t there. She definitely didn’t “walk I to the car”, so it has to be “me”. I know that is SO fucking pedantic, but it’s the one noticeable scar on this otherwise fantastic piece.
In fact, in colloquial english, “Jordan and I” is never right. Even though we’re supposed to say “It is I” and “It was Jordan and I”, no one does; and it sounds just plain wrong. For the ambiance of this story, “and I” in any circumstance sounds just too awfully stick-up-the-ass. Just be natural. You’ve certainly demonstrated you have the skill.
And speaking of ambience, I am SO fucking jealous. The ambiance in the story is beyond first rate. And as I writer I only wish I could pull off something this nice and clean—modern gumshoe city. Unless, of course, you really are an LA lesbian Detective working with the lesbian FBI, and then you don’t get credit for the ambience. But then I’m jealous for completely different reasons.
Technicality a defense attorney would drive a semi truck through: broken chain of evidence. They left evidence unattended in the car to go into IHOP. No mention that they kept it under 100% surveillance while inside.
And ... moving on to the next one