All Comments on 'A Loan from the Bank'

Very well written. Flows very well and got me extremely hard. Can't wait until she makes her first payment!

i thought is seemed unreal.

She's hoping the loan officer is a man but has no reticence about the officer being a woman. No fear of being caught or whispered dialogue. No frantic rushing. No description. Large block boring paragraphs. Poor use of transitions and transitional devices. Zero believeability and no appearance of truth (verisimilitude). Redundant, repetitive, and boring language/structure.

So swift into action.

One could describe her not backward in coming forward.

Far though from believable.

thought it was boring & un believable, not enough effort into building the tension? in the opening paragraphs, the writer hasn't given the characters any personality, it's like he/she is writing a history assignment in school. With a bit more planning, effort & thought maybe this writer would excel