by Milliemoon
It was a good story I really liked it, but how you worded somethings took away from it, like "want you, Jane" it really took away from the story. But none the less it was really good. Keep writing.
......that "knickerlessalways" was not turned on as much as I was when I read this story!
Had to stop reading twice whilst reading this story - it had turned me on so much.
Iloved it from start to finish. I suspect every woman secretly wishes something that exciting would happen to her.
And the author unfolded the story so well. A pox on people who don't have the curiousity to look up "monochrome."
MaryAnn
Stop using the big words until you truly figure out how to use them. Monochrome ... voluble ... just too much in such a nice story. Really didn't fit the context or the atmosphere of the piece. Good luck in future works.
Really enjoyed this; neat, amusing, self-contained and erotic.