All Comments on 'A Married Man's Guide to Sex'

I have taught sessions at seminars and lead classes for men on 'how to love their wives'. A satisfied wife is a sexually loving wife. Some books to consider reading are: The Five Love Languages (Men's Edition); The Five Love Needs of Men & Women; His Needs Her Needs; and 40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate.

I liked this piece a lot. Moral of the story is keep acting as if you're not married.

Your piece is rather intruiging and informative. I hope when I get married I'd stumble upon your article to read through and absorb.

Just like all your gay stuff.

Bakeboss,

My wife's panties are wet all the time and I am the one who does the laundry, dishes, yard work, and cleans the house. This is how I was raised; to give 100% and "thou" shall be rewarded. I was previously married to a worthless individual as was my wife. She did it all and I did it all. Now working together, raising 4 boys, we are like rabbits. It has been nearly 3 years now and I see no decreasing in the future.

I really enjoyed your submission. Before I was married my wife tired to fuck me to dead. After the "I do's" came the "Hell I will's". After several sessions with a marriage counselor for our problem with the lack of sex in our lives he suggested that my wife be "in charge" of instigating sex. That was 32 years ago. She is still "in charge" and it drives her crazy that I can't be bothered to get things started. I made the lack of sex her problem so it took the pressure off of me. Trust me it works. Show a woman you don't care one way or the other and she'll make it her lifes work to get you interested again.

Giving marriage advice, only on lit and Oprah.

A great sex tip for married couples is that you should try is to change up your routine. If you expect to be having sex at night before you go to bed, then there is nothing exciting about that. When sex becomes a chore, then there is a problem but there are many ways to spice it up again. Try having sex in the morning. Ambush your partner as they are waking up or get them when they are in the shower. This is when having a quickie can really be a lot of fun. A little spontaneity in your marriage is necessary if you want to have some hot sex.

Another way to spice up your sex life is to have oral sex more often. Oral sex is a great way to share your orgasm with your partner because it is the easiest way to make someone reach climax. If you haven't had an orgasm with your spouse in a while, then you are definitely do for one now. You need to get that sexuality back into your marriage and the sense of pleasure that has been missing for so long.

Kama Sutra Sex --- http://bit.ly/kama-sutra

light a spliff, eat some pussy and go to town

as long as u make her come, she will invite u back

1. Women tell their gay friends all about their sex lives, because gay men can be trusted not to slut shame or decide THEY want a piece of you. They share your attraction to men as well and can give helpful hints on anatomical matters. So many gay men are eminently qualified to give advice on this matter. This is good advice.

2. Not all women like oral sex. I hate it, I'm ticklish - and no, it's not my partners, it's my anatomy. Population measures often aren't true of individuals. :)

3. Pregnancy and childbirth can radically affect a woman's body, even if these changes seem minor, or beautifying or invisible to you. It takes getting used to, and the more loving but understanding praise you give, the more dividends it will pay in the future, but...

4. ...Probably not right away unless you have a nanny or three and can afford a vacation that will not allow you to back out. Caring for babies and young children is disgusting, exhausting, relentless and thankless. Trust me, it is way worse than any paying job most men...scratch that, people have held. There are no breaks, no lunch hours, no reprieves and once they can roll literally anything in any environment can kill wee kids. If you are the full time parent, your libido will likely be similarly crushed under the weight of the whole mess. The more fully you partner at this crucial time, the more dividends.

5. The stereotypical situation can be reversed, she might always outlust and outlast you, and that has little understood emotional baggage.

Perhaps I'm talking out of turn because I'm young (22) and not married, but I think it's ridiculous to claim that once two people get married it's inevitable regular sex will disappear. I think sexual intimacy will be an essential part of any marriage I have, and with out it something is very wrong with my marriage.

The other problem I have with this guide is that the author describes taking interest in what your wife says as "listening to her frivolous banter". That's ridiculously demeaning, and any man who considered what I was saying was frivolous banter is not a man I'd marry.

That being said, there were positive aspects to this guide, like ensuring the wife enjoys sex, and small positive actions can go a long way.

To Anonymous #1: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

To Anonymous #2: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Lookit, no matter what a man does, unless a woman's totally honest with herself and can get beyond what "a man" is supposed to be, there will ALWAYS be something a man is doing wrong. Oh, and sex ... just .... stops. Get used to it. Embrace it. And find yourself a good poker night to join. This doesn't mean you won't love your wife and/or your children or even your life. It just means the married man is going to have to adapt. End of story.

Bakeboss,

First off good thought for an article. Just a good thought. You've got some good things in there and you've got some things I completely disagree with. So I'll cover the likes first:

1. Yes men, please, please, please, know that anything you do to help make our days easier, while possibly not always commented on is remembered.

2. Remember the stuff you did to hook us? It's true, if you stop doing it we stop acting like "the girlfriend". My husband holds open the door, says You look amazing in that and Bam! I'm in the mood.

3. We like orgasms too. Lacking the "Big O" in her life is a reason for a woman to quit wanting to "put out". *I love my hubby, dearly, but if he ever decided that he was the only one who deserved to orgasm and tried it he'd never get laid again. EVER.

The last paragraph is one of the smartest things I've ever heard from a man not my husband or my father. Way to go on that.

I'm going to argue now:

1. Not all wives quit after marriage. My husband gets laid frequently, and no there aren't any sympathy screws in there. There simply aren't. I love having sex with my husband, but that could because because we both get to have fun. We experiment. He's told me things he wanted to try and we've tried them. When >I< was comfortable with the scenario. So just so you know not all hubbies beg to be laid.

2. If you get really smart, find a lotion your wife really likes (try bath and body works if in the US) give her a back rub, a foot rub, a full body rub, then leave her the hell alone, don't hint, don't push against her, don't touch too much, just leave her alone. Bet you get laid. Just bet you do.

As a woman we want to feel loved and treasured. If a man helps get things done around the house (as in we are a team with the same goal), that will go a long ways towards getting to bed earlier to have a lot of fun. If all your fun stopped once you got married, then I would guess that other things changed as well or you married the wrong woman.

Nothing is sexier than a man who does the dishes (vacuumes or helps with housework in some way) and helps take care of the kids. Take a look at the sexiest husbands in a woman's magazine and I guarantee you they aren't only good looking they do sweet things for their mate that makes them really appreciated. It goes both ways of course. But if a guy expects to lay around doing what he wants while she does all the work, then wants a fun time in the sack. Forget it!

Love is a two way street and both sexes need to work at it. Kisses and hugs as often as possible, sexy glances across the room, make each other feel desired. Communicate your expectations and do your best to be a team.

I could have used one of these to figure out my ex-husband! LOL I was the stay at home mom, did all the house work, and everything. And still had to practically beg for sex. We had no communication. I tried everything i could think of. He wouldn't talk about his fantasies, and wouldn't listen to mine. I tried costumes and initiating roleplay scenarios. *sad sigh* But nothing ever worked. I agree with whoever said after the "I do's" came the "Hell I will's" ...Literally!!! pretty much immediately. Didnt even really have a "honeymoon phase" as they call it. So, after two years, I gave up. If you have any good insights write one up. I could really use a look into what I was doing wrong.

why you HAD two wives. You're totally clueless when it comes to women.

Believe me as a wife whose body shut down thus becoming a shrew, the number one reason a wife stops having sex or cheats is not giving her an orgasm. Men as much as you say a hard on can hurt, a woman who is constantly denied being satisfied hurts also. Shame on you if you can't tell a fake orgasm from a real one. I admit it, I faked them and out of probably 25 men only 2 told me I had faked it and ask why. My reason was one I didn't want to disappoint you and two I did not want to hurt your feelings, then after so much disappointment myself I would just get to the point of getting it over with. Men who don't know how to bring your wife or girlfriend to orgasm should look up Jason Julius on the internet. He has figured out how. He is of course trying to sell his Blueprint to the female orgasm but also has some free videos telling showing how to bring her to a squirting G-spot orgasm. Or on you/porn look up the squirtinator who shows you using a real girl how to. I am convinced that if a man used these techniques on me I would have a squirting orgasm. I have links saved to them. My husband with his dementia and the brain damage he has suffered can not comprehend what they are saying and if he does can not remember what to do for five minutes. Also you must be dominate in the bedroom. I don' t mean you have to beat her or hurt her. I just know one man I knew took total control over me and used foreplay quite well to get me so extremely excited also telling me how sexy I was and brought me to one exquisite orgasm. Remember the ads and/or porns as well as movies and magazines depict the female1 sexy body to look like this model or that model so we sometimes have hangups about our own bodies because we don't all have that model or porn star body. I even used to be embarrased by my genitals. You need to tell us we look beautiful down there. Help us please you by pleasing us. Most of you will laugh thinking you know how to do these things but another problem is some women do not know themselves . So you either want to please your women of you don't and I am convinced most of you look at us as nothing more than 3 orifices to penetrate and shoot into.

To: “This is how I solved the problem.”

Regarding your post about lack of sex in the marriage:

“Show a woman you don't care one way or the other and she'll make it her lifes work to get you interested again.”

I can tell you that my husband never initiates sex in the marriage anymore, and it has had quite the opposite effect on me. I no longer feel desired by him or sexy at all, and the effect is that we never have sex. When I get the “urge”, I would much rather get off with my vibrator than have sex with him, because I have no sexual feeling for him anymore. So I would highly NOT recommend your method of “solving the problem” because I cannot understand how making your spouse feel as if you don’t care whether you have sex or not, would improve your sex life.

Also,

To: “From a wife”

Regarding your post :

“Remember the stuff you did to hook us? It's true, if you stop doing it we stop acting like "the girlfriend". My husband holds open the door, says You look amazing in that and Bam! I'm in the mood.”

Wow I can’t agree more. This should be printed on premarital counseling information. When men stop treating their women like they are special, the women stop feeling loved and treasured. When that emotional connection is lost, the women shut down, and the “loving” stops.

It all starts and stops with the men. I suggest they stop being lazy and selfish and treat their wives like they did when they were courting/dating her. If you don’t want to put in the effort, get a damn divorce and quit making the poor woman feel guilty for not having sex with your lazy ass. If men can’t even make an effort with their wife, I suggest they just become single again and get a whore.

....very insightful on behalf of many spouses but not all. We all have biological differences and with different psychological pressures throughout our lives. Adapt and evolve has to be the credo for each person and every family. And at best, most of us just sort of muddle through life.

I find it interesting that more than half the commentators have been women. Each bringing their own perspective to this discussion. Too often on the Literotica site, the nasty little trollboys will scare women from participating in a round-robin.

Oh, and as for the Kuma Sutra and other such "marital aids"? I realize most of you, your knowledge of history and herstory are warped by hollywood and harlequin romance novels. In reality, those visualization of sexual acrobatics, "marital" should be spelled "martial".

Those paintings were images of teenage cavalrymen and teenage temple dancers. In superb physical shape and expertly trained in the erotic arts.

I still cringe when I remember the time my wife and I, both middle-age and sedentary, attempted to emulate some of the more complex gymnastics. Utter disaster!

It was weeks before I could have an erection again without screaming. And my wife had to have surgery. Perhaps six months before we got back to regular lovemaking.

Do you have any idea how totally humiliating it is to be in a waiting room, with several women in several stages of pregnancy. And have a Gynecological Surgeon burst in and loudly chew me out for our stupid attempt at sexual athleticism!

Fortuitously, the women waiting to see their doctors, were all so pregnant that they were unable to move fast enough to catch me. Cause I'm sure I would have otherwise taken a severe beating.

Wow, I haven't seen that word used in a sentence in decades! ;-)

LMAO at most of this, enjoyed the tongue-in-cheekiness a lot. That said, the last two paragraphs are the gospel truth.

Be kind and loving, be helpful and thoughtful in the tasks of daily living, be a considerate lover (do your very best make sure she comes first - and often if you're skilled at pushing her buttons), and be affectionate and loving everywhere - not just in the bedroom.

Thanks much for fun little read!

Outstanding, Practical (not glorious) suggestions that I.m.h