All Comments on 'A Night at the Club'

rednecks' need to know grammar too! This is the second story I have read by you and it is just hard to get through. I am not big on spelling and grammar but you're not doing your stories any justice. Please get an editor or just some one to read them b/4 posting. This one switched from 1st, 2nd and 3rd person; it was just a mess. And at the beginning of all sentences, no matter the word, use a capital/uppercase letter.

I like your ideas and your settings in the works I have read so far, but you must clean them up, please!

While you have a good hook, the punctuation is severely lacking making this story very hard to read. Perhaps a little grammar, spelling, and punctuation checks using the word processor could spiff it up. Please consider using an editor to help you clean it up.

Your story needs some help.

- as was said, find an editor

- pick a viewpoint (1st person or 3rd person) and stick with it

- consider how to develop the characters in an interesting way

- examine your paragraphs for clauses, and separate them with commas

Asking for advice, which you have done, and accepting it will help you improve your writing skills. Please don't take these suggestions as criticism, but as ways to improve your wordsmithing. A good story should be well told.

The slave should be tied with her legs wide open, and all the women of the club can use and abuse her in anyway they want. I get wet just thinking about it and wish I was the one with my legs tied open.