All Comments on 'A Night In'

The story was enjoyable enough to read, but some pointers if you plan to continue to write stories like this-

Be direct with your writing. Is the thing happening or not? Keep indirect phrases like "sort of" or "kind of" in the characters' dialogue; they have no place in the narrative. It weakens the writing style.

Having the entire story in present tense was an interesting choice and it was a bit distracting since most narratives are written in past tense.

Overuse of curse words weakens the impact of the words and gives off the impression that the writer lacks a vocabulary.

As I said, the story did have a good premise and the content of the story was good, the writing style just needs a lot of work. Good luck!