All Comments on 'A Slave to the Servants Ch. 16'

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Anom it is obvious Hanna has blocked the Lync. I hope she takes over and straitens the old one out.

ok. I just gotta ask.

If The Brothers bonded with the unborn Hannah, rather than with Ciara, where is that bond now? Ciara doesn't have it? Is it so well hidden in Hannah that it does not affect her?

But it is amazing science fiction/ fantasy.

I don't find it very stimulating sexually but the story building, character development, and exciting foreshadowing... I can't put it down. I don't vote on things here. I don't leave comments. But holy hell you did an amazing job and I couldn't continue reading without letting you know you did a fantastic job. If you end up writing anything outside of literotica I'd be happy to read that too.

You should carry this story on....

it's been awhile since i've read this story. excellent writing, holds my attention always, finessee and thoughtful.

I was bawling by the end of this chapter. You are an amazing writer and should try getting published for real. It takes real talent to get so many emotions felt so deeply.

hannah will be a much bigger part of your story i think...

absolutely first rate writing.

I've read alot of books in my life, and this is one of the best ever - I can't wait to get off work so I can read some more, and have a hard time tearing myself away from the screen. You really have a wonderful imagination and writing style! I'm hooked...

You're making me cry again. Jeewis I'm totallyt cut off from the real world until I'm done with this story. I would totally spend money buying this in a book store. Ps Evan is so freaking hot..

as theres about another 20 chapters I assume they didny die. but omg! I was having a moment till I read that you needed them.

stop trying to give me heart failure lol

Most mother's nursing don't have periods

I hope she doesn't get the men killed. She is such a freaky kid!

Don't take away the sweet, sweet brothers!

i laughed out loud a few times this chapter and im just thankful my boyfriend didnt ask me what i was laughing at because at this point it'd be impossible to try and explain! BUT NEXT TIME ATTACH A SPOILER ALERT TO YOUR NOTE ON THE BOTTOM!!! in my heart i knew you wouldn't/ couldn't kill off Damian and his brothers BUT in my head there was a "oh shit maybe just maybe" factor thats now gone! :( but keep up the amazing work!!! I'm addicted to this story :)

I find it amazing in the middle of seriousness I laugh lik whn she yelled maybe I'm a lesbian or when even said I didn't like vomiting.

I'm here because of the plot. Amazing!

Even without any sex this is an awesome story. Please publish it. Pateria is such a well conceived world and as a reader it is wonderful to explore and learn this new world!

I'm telling you that you should go a head and get this made as book! What start as a way to get my jolly of ,has turn into more! I had put off reading other book because I'm so hook on what happens next!

I didn't cry when she was "resold" I didn't cry when she was in the village but oh my god I can't stop crying now! I've fallen in love with this story! The brothers are wonderful and I couldn't stand to see this story end. I agree with everyone else DW. Publish this! You're amazing!

UGH! Amazing that a 6 month old half-breed hybrid has already morphed into every guy's nighmare mother-in-law. For that matter, many men's living nightmare. How many jealous & spiteful, shreiking harridan daughters have I seen destroy their mother's relationships. I with Damien & the Brothers - I'd rather die on my feet than live kneeling to a woman.

This is by far the most well written emotionally. distressed chapter I have had the pleasure of reading,I do hope your efforts of getting this book pubilshed have payed off.

*****

First off, the story is so damn awesome that I didnt really mind there was no erotic in this chapter. Next, you said she hasnt grown teeth yet? Then why is her speech perfect? i dont know, im afraid i dont quite understand that part...

Am I the only one who thinks that maybe Ciara is carrying maybe two or more children inside her? Probably would be two (But I still am not sure) If the people around her think she is carrying the rarest and unseen type of woman... isn't it possible that she may not be? Eh, the way this story goes it probably is... I wonder what will happen if it is what they think it is... would Ne-reeh take her back to the compound to be a breeding slave again? Ugh, this is torture NOT KNOWING!!! But I can wait... I wish you and your babe good health and many happy years together :)

This little girl is too much for me at times, I understand her fight for her mother and the hatred she has for the men....but she even try to see the love they show her or is the pain inside of Ciara that unbearable that it muffles everthing else... Her hatred needs to be redirected to those who she her mother and father ill will. Great story still loving it as always... PS the little brother comment at the end was not need...fyi.

I'm not sure that it's necessary to italicize the english words unless they're in dialogue. When they're italic in the narration it distracts me. Great story though.

Ok I had just warmed up to Hannah (in the previous chapter all her screeching was a little annoying to me, I'm not a patient person ;)) and then she goes and does this? I know her feelings come from Ciara's deep pain but still! Ugh, If it weren't for your little note at the end of the chapter...

You really left us a cliff-hanger here :) You are a fantastic writer. I love your story and the way you tell it.

P.S: Go over the text, sometimes you mix up the use of these two words:

Breathe: verb

Breath: noun

So, 'when you need to breathe you take a breath.'

check out: http://www.grammar-monster.com/easily_confused/breathe_breath.htm

I don't want them to die. You draw me in and won't let go. I have to read the next chapter.

78 yowm straight. Dw you are building this story up and forward beautifully. I am fearful of the ending, as I am a romantic and want happy endings, however I am trusting you and looking forward to the second half.

You know for all my pervyness, I didn't know I was a S&M chick, but I read all the chapters over and over. Love it. Cry a lot, but love it.

This story is amazing!!! Really, doesn't matter bout the sex anymore! I found this chapter HILARIOUS with Hannah and the brothers, and all the betting going on! Made me laugh out loud!! Great writing, love love love this story

I agree, I don't care if it doesn't have sex in it. It's a great story without it. I might even be bored of the sex lol

Love the story. Don't care if it has sex or not.

I am loving this story, and I really like how you comfort your not so avid readers at the end by foreshadowing what will probably be some sort of "happy"ending.

This chapter showed your talent for comedic writing at its best! The reaction of the Brothers to baby Hannah and her actions is just too precious for words. I was touched too by her relationship with Ciera/Rachael and believe that I have learned something about being a mother from this chapter. .

I have said it before, many others have said it as well, you NEED to get this published in a mainstream forum.

I Loved it!

Yes, I do notice the blips, and in other stories they aggravate me.

Here, I am carried along by the narrative, the characterisation and, an extraordinary imagination made real - so I can only admire. I also know that you are a true 'amateur'.

Thank you for providing a most stimulating alternative to Christmas tv. I intend to get up to date by Jan 1st.

PS like a previous comment - the sex is secondary!!

'Yes, we're working on not putting in the incorrect, yet correctly spelled, word. We both understand how frustrating that can be to read.'

'All commentary is welcome whether you liked it or hated it.'

Don't worry! just keep writing. x

okay this chapter i Cried! i know as a mom it is my worst fear that my son will grow up too soon, and i really got connected. I also know that it would kill me that my son would ever hate his dad so yeah i really cried there. I know being a "slave" is bad but they really are all slaves... but all i know is im addicted to this and i cant stop reading.

I love this! I started reading it this weekend and haven't been able to stop. Please don't stop writing!

Sorry if that remark seems snarky; please believe that is not my intention. While reading this chapter, I couldn't help but compare it with Jean Auel's (first) book. I like how you're showing how alien the world and its people are with the subtle comparisons and contrasts with what is human. Few writers are able to do this well, and you've done a marvelous job here.

Today is my bday and i was def looking forward to some Damien:( but owell... Sorry the site is being dumb! Xoxo

the relationship between Ciara and Hannah is incredibly well done, especially the dynamic formed by the shared past experience.

DW submitted CH17 on Sun. AM. Therefore normally it would have posted for you to read at 12:01 AM this morning. It didn't. This is Lit's fault. We hope to see it soon, just like you.

please update soon! I've loved this story from the beginning!

poor hannah needs to bond with her mother and father

Dont have therm killed off, the story wont flow the same without them. The youngling will just need to learn.

This story is really good. It wasn't time for erotica for Ciara. The baby is still a baby...doesn't even have any teeth yet so it certainly isn't time for her. Ciara really just had the baby...has a whole two weeks or even a month even passed yet? Her body has to heal before taking five men. This allows the anticipation of that part of their relationship build. Keep going like you are going with the story...it's good. Really good.

Ciara can't go to someone else...Hannah has to understand Ciara's feelings too. Maybe somehow Ciara can bond w/ Hannah and the men again. Somehow...it's gotta work. I like this story too much. But it is funny how it is a lot like the male/female roles on Earth in the past and a today...just it's the men that rule here instead of the women. Men use the women for sex and discard them on Earth and the women do the same to men in the story. Maybe that another part of why the hate in Hannah is so strong...memories from Earth, plus her mother's situation, plus her genetic instincts, plus being taught by the 'women' equals real hate for men. This my favorite story.

crap where is this going now. i can't see her killing off her favorite men, maybe she could have a serious talk with hannah instead.

You are very prompt with your next chapters, I love this story so much! I've been checking every day, you just made my night. Thank you so much!

Where's the sex?!?

Wow! Great writing and a vivid imagination, found the series over the weekend and am anxiously awaiting the next chapter <biting nails> Thanks for the great story!

Great story line, very engaging, and thought provoking.

Amazing!! As always. I can't wait! Great job DW and Steve!

I can't wait for the next chapter.

I absolutely love your story. I swear I would buy this sequel if it were in stores. I'm looking forward to reading your next instalment.

Poor Hannah. It's hard to be conflicted and to have such a sense of responsibility, especially as a baby. And there is nothing Ciara can do to stop it because Hannah has seen everything she has seen and felt everything that she has felt. I know they will work it out somehow.

Love this story so much. I was away for a while and was so excited to see 3 chapters when I returned. Love them all and I can't wait for the next!

This is a great story. Don't kill off your main characters. The story would suffer.

I'm sure many of you wonder why the men will be killed if they even touch Hannah.

My personal opinion is that-- girls never live with the men. Almost all men have never seen a baby girl close up, maybe an older one flying in the distance. Many men don't like the women much. Some of those men might want to hurt a woman and might see Hannah as a helpless target.

Therefore the absolute rule-- touch her and die.

CH17 should post on Wed. as usual.

I have to vote to keep the brothers. You are delving into a complicated bag of emotions and situations but it seems that this society you have created deals in many absolutes, that being the case Hannah touched the brother not the other way around. Please I add my voice to those begging for something other than the brother's deaths and punishment.

I love your story absolutely addicted to it - love the brothers please please please (I'm begging here) keep them alive - Hannah's great I love how you have her wanting to protect ciara - saddened how she's lashing out at the brothers though but I can see why... I am anxiously waiting next chapter

please keep writing it!

I cried a little! I was so proud of Hannah but so upset about the guys! Can't wait til the next chapter!

Lame :/ on re-reading your story today, apparently I changed the chapter ending in my brain while commenting. Anyway, Ne - reeh WOULD be really upset if they ran but it seems to be against her character to punish them terminally for Hannah's actions.

The comments here really add to your story - there are a great bunch of people adding their perspective and insights along with it. Personally I really like the way you developed Nu - reeh's character. It seems she wants Hannah to be strong, but not bratty. If she hears the truth of the incident, she'll probably be pleased by Hannah's emotions regarding women being slaves; yet being personally responsible for her mother's situation will likely temper retribution. I suspect she's going to be really pissed off that they ran tho.

didn't quite get the men on the last page, are they going to the women with "The little one wants our heads"? hahaha

Hopefully it will make Hannah see reason when mom gets upset by the loss of her men... temporarily, she will need protection against other men, anyway. And then if she's not a slave to them she'll be a slave to worse men. Now that might make Hannah really upset, lol.

Then again it's not like the men aren't slaves to the women, and who made them slaves?

Oh noes, me is rambling again. And I don't even want to predict where this is going. But it's so boring to just shout "awesome story" after every chapter.

I thank you much for taming down the mind control thingy ;)

And in a neat way, too. Feeling much better now. Awesome story!

Glad you put the fyi, would have been wondering where the story would turn and how Hannah would react to her mother going to different men.

Very interesting, seeing the comments of others who seem to really enjoy your story yet abhor the 'slave.' I wonder if you will end up bringing a few of those 'Nillas over to the 'Dark side- We got cookies!

Love your work, looking forward to the next chapter.

With the lack of 'fangs' along with teeth currently, will this be a fault because of the human side of Hannah or will it just make her even more dangerous when the teeth -n- fangs come in?

okay so I know they aren't going to die but still I feel aweful for them. I just don't understand why they should be punished? I mean they didn't touch her, she touched them... stupid Hannah

I love Hannah. Her sentiments on her mother Rachel’s enslavement are clear, true, and more than justified. Rachel has been brutalized to the point she no longer remembers her true, free, self; her daughter does. I eagerly await discovering if Hannah shall become Pateria’s Pallas Athena or Furies made flesh.

I hope this story continues through many many more chapters and, as others have said, your imaginative writing is something well worth paying for.

When I first started reading your novel (yes, I called it a novel), I wasn't sure I liked Ciara/Rachel. Your character development has been excellent. Damien, Bane, Kein, Cristoff, Evan, Ciara and little Hannah are fully developed characters who I've grow to care about as I read each chapter. This story of the all the stories on this site is the one I constantly look for on Tues (yes, I admit I start early) or Wednesday. Thank you so much for such an enjoyable read and some inspiration as I start on my own writing projects. :)

I'm interested to see how you wrap this up. I think I know what I'd do, but it's a long shot. I really do look forward to your submissions. I'm always so busy during the week, but once Friday comes, I'm searching for the newest chapter. Thanks so much for writing it!

how?!?! don't stop writing pls! hope you have another story lined up after "a slave to the servants"....

I love this story!

OMG, YOU NEED TO FINISH THISN AND PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY. CAN NOT STOP CRYING.

Thank you soooo much for that FYI... I was about to freak out, I thought the story was over. ugh I hope you post soon. poor little Hannah, growing up too fast, hopefully Ciara will get through to her.

:)

Poor little girl with grown-up emotions. I actually feel sorrier for her than anyone else in this chapter.

I still had big tears running down my face!

I can wait for instalments this good - please publish so I can pay for my pleasure

Thank you so freaking much for putting that little teaser on the end because I had a little tear running down my face and a big nasty lump in my throat because you are the one that controls their fate! So it was relieving to me (now I don't have to worry and check for your update every single hour of every day, but I most likely still will anyway as it's the best story i've read on Literotica). Thanks DW!

That was good! I was wondering when her feelings of beeing stuck there would come out. It upsets me a little that her men didn't hear everything Hanna was saying. But it was a great story. I seriously don't know how I would feel if I had to say good-bye to my child after only spending a few months together. This has to be hard for her. I swear I felt her pain when she started to cry about her daughter leaving soon. Good work!

I can not get enough of this story - It just keeps getting better & better, I honestly think this is the best story I have read on here. LOVE IT. I know you wont kill the brothers but my heart was breaking a little in the end.

Already hanging out for the next chapter.

i say Hannah is acting just like her father, Damien has a bad temper too, He goes from calm to a killing rage in a drop of a hat and understandably Hannah would inherited that too. But once she cools off i think she will step in to protect the Men, if not for her sake then her mothers. Because that is what the temper tantrum was about, not being able to protect her mother in the future. After all she is still a baby though she is halfway grown up. She doesn't know how to handle the anger and most likely hormones running through her system.

had to throw in my two cents in again..lol

Donna

I can't decide if I like Hannah, I wanted her to be more understanding of her fathers too. Her temper is way to much, lol. It would freak me out if a baby acted like that. Thanks for commenting at the end that there is no intent to kill off the brothers, I love them.

the only thing i think that is extraordinary is that damien and family are automatically thinking that they will be punished after hannah’s temper tantrum. 10% human & 90% paterian, something’s got to give.

wondering: why hasn’t ciara been put back on the contraceptive drink if shes not to get pregnant again? or is there a more permanent way?

still speculating if the portals from/to earth are defective? or is it female propaganda?

don’t you just hate evan for being so cheery in the morning!

thanks DW for another brrrill chapter ;0)

I loved Hannah's little rant. Excellent can't wait for the next chapter to be posted.

Exceptional.

I hope this blended family will work out. Hannah is so strong willed I wonder if she will accept her men as family.

*****

I am so emotionally involved in this story! I love Hanna! Please please don't make me choose which man I love the best because I just can't! Thank you for making sure your fans don't worry about the lives of the men for the next week.

I defend my sleep against everything, but today I got up half an hour early just to read your story. And I am looking forward to the next week. Thank you!

omg i loved this chapter so much!!!!! you better keep writing!! lol

Omg... I almost cried at the end. You literally have me checking every tuesday night until thursday morning to see when the next chapter has shown up. I love these books and can't wait until they find out who the father is ((personally I think it is Christof, even if she looks like Damien)) but I love the way you have wrapped us around the story.

haha. I love Evan so much.. "I liked everything you taught us, except the vomiting. That was awful." I can't believe you made me laugh at such a sad moment. I am DYING to read next chapter! What will Hannah do to them and how will she and the brothers come together??????? Thank you for updating doctorwolf!!! You're the best!

This line from Hannah, pretty much sums up every problem that I have had throughout the entire story with this arrangement. Like Ciara, I have more or less resigned myself to the status quo, but that's because I can't do anything to change it and neither can she. (Look at me talking like I'm in the story.) Hannah on the other hand feels like she can affect events and she's probably right, so she could never just resign herself to her mother's life. Once she gets older she may come to see that the brothers won't just discard her mother, but she's not wrong. Human (or in this case Paterian) nature is a changeable thing. People fall into and out of love. It could happen. Just because they don't think it will, doesn't preclude the possibility. It doesn't help that the brothers still don't really understand Ciara's feelings and point of view. It'll take time, but I do think that Hannah will see that the brothers are changed people from when they first got Ciara. And since that change was a gradual one, that they are unlikely to change back. I also believe that she'll come to see the injustice inherent in the entire system in place on this world. She's a child reacting to some very adult feelings and situations. I'm interested in seeing what she does when she gets older.

God I luv this story, it's so original and different and I look forward to reading it every week. Another great chapter, I adore Hannah and can totally understand the bond between a mother and her child which would make her so defensive of her Ciara. Can't wait till chapter 17, im sure if will rock as the Dr get better and better with every tale she spins.

Don't kill off Damian and his brothers please.

I love this story and it won't be the same without them.

To start off logicically the men didn't enslave her, the slavers did. The men didn't buy her, the women did. The men thought they had paid but not true. Question is where or what next.

Excellent stuff once again! I really like the fact that Hannah's anger and accusations are justified: the men did do these things to Ciara (remember Rachel).

I know that things have changed for her and how she feels about her new family and her situation. The men have changed, but there are consequences for their past actions. Hannah knows exactly what happened to Ciara in the past - how much it hurt her, and lashes out over what could, in theory, still happen. She reacts with a child's desire to protect her mother, bringing several chickens home to roost!

Can’t wait to see what happens next!

Wonderful chapter as usual.Maybe the women became the way they are from the original slavers.It seems they developed their wings and talons as weapons to defend themselves against slavers. Then they turned the table on the slavers, and evolved to where they are now.Men as slaves. just a thought. I am so loving this story. congratulations DW

I know you write and submit these stories quickly but a week is going to be rather a long wait for the next instalment!

Absolutely loving your work. The talent and imagination you have is simply outstanding!

Keep up the fabulous work - can't wait for chapter 17!

I'd say Nu was right about Hannah leaving the nest early! I take it that temper-tantrum is in line with a girl going threw hormones the first time! Awesome chapter! It would be interesting if Ciara could get an implant though, be able to talk with her daughter where ever she goes, though then Nu would know that Ciara had figured out what was being done to the men. I got a feeling Hannah will come forward just like when she kicked Christof wrist! Another week of waiting!