A Special Valentine Cherry -Lesbianbytheravenfox©
Okay... let's see. Pizza, check. Movie all cued up. Fridge stocked with the essential alcoholic necessities. No reason what-so-ever to venture outside until tomorrow. Fuck, I feel like those people who shut off all their lights on Halloween hoping no one rings the doorbell or eggs the house. I hate Valentine's Day. That's the cliché, right? I can't help it. It makes me think of that stupid box of conversation hearts that Brian Kessey gave me in third grade. He'd scrawled "Judith, will you be my Valentine?" on it and gave it to me in front of all the other kids. I tried to be nice about it and told him I was going to ask someone else. He cried and wouldn't take back the candy. I had a little heart-shaped box of chocolates all ready to give to my choice for Valentine...Alice Crenshaw. I'll never know if she would have agreed either because Brian was her cousin and she punched me in the face for making him cry. My kinda woman! I started asking everyone to call me Jude in fourth grade and the last person to call me Judith got an Alice Crenshaw special right in the eye. V
alentine's Day...nothing but high expectations and deep disappointments. The girls I date always expect me to take them to a hugely overpriced restaurant on the busiest day of the year...so the service is always shit. They expect me to show up to take them to the restaurant in a limo like we're going to prom or something. They want flowers, they want candy, they want creepy little stuffed animals or expensive jewelry. All because Hallmark created a holiday to sell cards! And I've done it...I've gone all out every year. There was even the infamous Valentine's Day of 2009, when I spent the day and a small fortune with Lisa the flight attendant. She had to fly out that afternoon, so naturally I made plans with Candice for dinner and drinks.
How was I supposed to know Lisa was going to declare her love for me, call in sick and beg me to move in with her? And then Candice shows up early to surprise me in nothing but a trench coat and edible lingerie and finds me trying to...um...let Lisa down easy. It wasn't my fault! Valentine's Day makes women go bat-shit crazy! Well, I'm NOT putting up with it this year. I told everyone I had plans and I'm turning my phone OFF. Cupid can kiss my ass. No crazy bitches for Jude Malloy this year. All those lovey-dovey doe-eyed suckers out there can have them, if they're willing to put up with that bullshit. This year I'm going to stay right here and pretend it's just an ordinary Thursday. I'll just-
...aaaand of course. Someone buzzing to be let in. If this is another goddamn bouquet of roses being delivered to the wrong apartment, I'm going to lose it.
It's me. It's Gina
"Oh! I thought you were out with... you know what, ummm... just come on up."
Gina. Of all the people I wouldn't turn away even on Valentine's, it would be her. One of the Universe's cruelest jokes was creating this gorgeous, curvaceous, funny lady and then making her straight. I can't count the number of times I've tried to see a hint of bisexuality in her, just some little indication that possibly... maybe... if I got her drunk enough... well, a girl can dream, right? I'll go ahead and leave the door open so she can...
Hey Jude? Yeah, that never gets old. Never mind.
"Gina! Come on in."
God she looks so good. Hair done, just the right amount of makeup. And that dress! Cherry print? Only she could take something that goofy and make it look so damn good! Gina, Gina, my cherry pie! I want to tie the stems of every one of those cherries into a knot with my tongue. Don't look at the cleavage Jude! For fuck's sake, the woman is in crisis here. Why does the damn dress have to be cut to her navel? Perfume...she's wearing perfume. I like her perfume... Shake it off Jude. Friends...friends...be her friend. She needs a friend not a horny dyke who wants to pick her cherries. She obviously had better plans for her night than I did. Another downside to Valentine's day: you can plan, you can doll yourself up and you can drop a ton of cash on a fancy dinner and you'll still end up crying. High expectations and deep disappointments.
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