All Comments on 'Alan Ch. 11'

Your story is riveting, please continue with all the exploits.

This is quickly becoming one of my favorite series. Keep it up!

i HAVE YOU BOOKMARKED AND CHECK EVERY DAY FOR THE LATEST CHAPTER. i AM FASCINATED WITH HOW YOU ARE HANDLING HIS DEVELOPMENT OF POWER. lIKE GOLDILOCKS AND THE 3 BEARS; NOT TO FAST, NOT TO SLOW, JUST RIGHT. AND OF COURSE THE SEX IS JSUT RIGHT. EAGERLY AWAITING YOUR NEXT CHAPTER.

I too am enjoying this series and eagerly look forward to each episode. I especially like the gradual exploration of his power. Is their a possibility that Pauline and Kate's mother habors a latent desire for the apparent happiness her daughters exude whenever Alan is around? Could Paul possibly exploit others fantasies and cause their fulfillment as a gift vis Mr D secretly lusting after someone and Alan Causing it to happen for him. In any event please continue.

Finally, you've got Allan using his Power as an adult, equipped with an adult body, clothing and business paraphernalia and achieving a result that could start him off into a financial career of some substance. Felt sorry for Anne-Marie and the floor Manager, both of whom would be fired the next day when their inappropriate actions with "Carl" and his winnings would obviously come under examination (any Casino dropping $500K to an unknown gambler would certainly check the cameras and the records to see the mistakes made by them both.) But with the Power, he could move on to another Casino, with another identity and image, and get away with winning big another time or two. Personally, I see more potential for him getting out of high Scool and getting a low level job in a New York Brokerage business, and then, in his own 18-year-old persona, rising dramatically in personal power and wealth, exploiting the "inside information" he would be able to pick up with his mind-reading Power. The $500K he already has in the bag could very easily and quickly doubled and doubled and doubled again, to give him a sufficient stake to do bigger and betted deals for himself (as well as for his millionaires teacher Megan, who has apparently disappeared from his life, for now.) Good Chapter - time to move on, and up.

I started out really liking this series but Alan's character has devolved from chapter to chapter from a fundamentally good person who is considerate of others and their free will to a monster who uses people and throws them away, enjoying their suffering. A total 180 of character. It especially bothered me what he did to Chad who, by Allan's own words, was a nice guy and who got along with him nicely. Allan goes out of his way to maximize Chads suffering and for no apparent reason except sadism. Not to mention all the women he rapes. Perhaps you don't feel it's rape? There are arguments to be made about the morality of making people like/love you, but you've not gone into any of that.

I've no issue with bad people as main characters of stories but the way Allan is presented as the good guy and the effects of his actions aren't really reflected on bothers me. I mainly feel that if you're going to change someone as significantly as Allan has changed over the chapters, you need to justify it. Explain why he has changed, address it and tell a story around it. As things stand, it's as if Allan was never really a person at all, just a blank slate there to advance the plot and that's not good enough for a protagonist of a story that's this long.

These little 2 page stories are annoying, be a writer and write something to read. Please get an editor, spellcheck can't help you if you use the wrong word and spell it correctly. Get your hims, hers and his' straight. The story is interesting, but chopping it up into little pieces sucks, what is it you just want readers to feed your ego? Be a real writer read some of Burnt Redstone's work, see how a writer writes, not little 2 page pieces but a short novel. Some of the other authors and readers will proofread and offer editing advice if you ask.

Anony Mous

Where the hell is ch 8 where he pops Paulina's cherry

Best chapter yet!!!

This was much better than the previous chapters!! Detailing was excellent, the 'subterfuge' and play was well-drawn-out...

Alan is building himself more appropriately here...not exactly legally, but is doing well.

Five**5**Stars!!

This chapter was really good. I was so engrossed and excited during that whole casino segment. The thrill of what was going to happen next. I kind of wish more happened with "Lisa" and that he told her his secret as well as the fact she can't ever share it due to the restraint he put in place with it. She would then say she understood and looks forward to him returning at some point in the future. "If you're in town again, give me a call", that sort of thing. Hoping for more chapters like this.