All Comments on 'Alan Ch. 15'

enjoy all of your writing, eagerly awaiting your further installments.

Awsome story, i look forward to the next chapter.

another great addition to this story... i will be patently awaiting the coming chapters

Alan seems to have a staggering lack of imagination. Rather than use his powers for a broad range of things (and being in the news biz, his powers could be quite an advantage!), he uses these incredible powers to seduce and dominate woman after woman (with a slight pause to rip off a casino). The two women he hasn't totally dominated, Pauline and the au pair, are quite minor characters. He says he is able to learn an incredible amount incredibly quickly - but he sits through first year college classes. I mean come on, he can learn in the blink of an eye, convince prospective employers lack of a degree is unimportant but he sits in a first year composition class??

I'm beginning to root for the Bad Guys! At least they might be interesting.

At least the mechanics of writing are good.

Over the last three days I've read the story (always interested in the compitition ;-) ) and while it's written well, with good attention to charachter development (things you rarely see in these types of stories) and some nice depth, I have to agree that it's getting boring.

We've seen the same senario played out over 15 chapters now and the back story, the story of the rings etc., is taking much to long to develop. The one thing that makes a story really interesting is conflict, and there's precious little in all that you've written. The last two chapters have done a bit more with the origins and the bad guys, but even then it's almost a side item.

Also, for awhile now you spend more time talking about the supporting charachters than your main charachters. We know all about Kate, Megan, the Counselor, and Miranda, and even Carl Sutherland, but precious little is said about Alan and his inner workings. The only time we get any inner dialogue from him it seems is when he's thinking about the rings. Beyond that it's always his reaction to other people, not his own thoughts.

Anyway, just my two cents. I'll look for other chapters, but hopefully we get a change of pace in the coming ones.

–S–

Another well thought out chapter....i'm impressed with the whole story line. only read one other story line that i have enjoyed as much.

Ying and Yang is the hallmark of the best of the best, no matter the forum.

I'm not really into bdsm or w/e so I loved how he played along and then became her master out of no where hahahaah. The thrill of the chase and all that.

Great

The story line is improving, and I enjoyed Allan's handling of Miranda and Laura; and even Allen's reaming of Kate in the train's washroom was worthwhile. Reading On.

Better...

Yes...this is definitely a turning-point in your writing abilities...the mark of a writer bettering himself, and his product!!

The train ride was very, very interesting...Kate was the one who started the encounter...a real change for her...and Alan let her go with it!! This is an advancement in their relationship...one that will work in their favor, I have a feeling...

Miranda, and Laura...NICE ADDITION TO THE GROUP...with a switch in the dynamic between the roommates...which will also be interesting in the future...

Alan is coming along well; his interaction with Miranda went really well, not a lot of force, and she reacted too well to it...a definite sub undertone to her...

Five**5**Stars...I hope the rest is as good!!

Ah the inevitable BDSM segment of the story. Check that off the list. No but seriously it was a good chapter. The way he reversed the role on Miranda was nice. He got a "D" for his paper at the end? Oh I'm sure he'll be giving her the "D" again later, if you know what I mean.