All Comments on 'Alana Sexual Journey'

I liked your romance novel, and I think your writing is good. I do believe it should have been split up into at least three chapters on Literotica. It’s a shame but it could be a turn off to many of the readers who don’t put that much time into long stories.

Two comments that are not of extreme importance but really struck me.

First the sex scenes are bereft of scintillating erotica though I felt passion building. With the man and women scenes there is no oral sex just a brief description of he entered her. It’s like a quickie and he disappears. I realize his not being there in the morning is part of the plot but the actual sex is so short I found it hard to believe it would be so special to her. I personally don’t think you need a huge amount more in narrative others would care for more.

Second is the very noticeable use of Alana over and over instead of a “her” or “she” mixed in when there are only two people or just she in the scene. This proved a bit annoying as I was reading it.

An example of an excerpt:

Josh took Alana shopping for new under garments. Alana tried on several different types. Josh could see Alana was starting to have fun shopping for her new clothes. After Alana had purchased a few things and after they had chosen the dress for the party, she was to attend in a few days. Josh drove Alana home to her apartment. Alana thanked Josh for the wonderful evening. Alana gathered her things and gave Josh a friendly goodbye kiss on the check thanking him for the fun she had.

Please understand I’m not a writer just a reader of stories and I hope you continue to write.

I definitely give this novel a 5 and 100.

With respect

Thank you for the story

First, your grammar is atrocious - and you have no understanding of tenses whatsoever. Get yourself a professional editor or get an education. Second, this is drivel - your love/sex scenes are straight out of 1950's romance novels; trite, boring, unrealistic, teenage fantasies from a bygone era. You are either an 80-yr-old grandmother who's mind is stuck back 60 years ago, or this is all just plagiarized from "Modern Romance". Whatever, stop wasting paper and ink.