All This Useless Beauty

Our arms in a firm, full body embrace, I lifted C__ off the bed, holding her suspended in the air with my hands on her ass as she wrapped her legs around my waist and continued pounding herself on my swollen cock. I turned around and threw myself down on top of her on the bed, our bodies shaking the mattress beneath us. With barely a pause, I began thrusting myself into her again, squeezing her ass with my hands while she clawed at my back, screaming, "Fuck! Oh shit! Dan, oh shit!" Her pussy contracted like a vice around my still pounding member and then twitched for what seemed an eternity. As she came for the third time, arching her back and clutching the sheets with a violent grip, she let out a long, loud groan that vibrated from her stomach up her chest and echoed in her mouth.

Her rigid body gradually relaxed, her fingers letting go of the twisted bed sheets as though all power had drained out of her. I slowed down as well by reflex. With an exhausted smile, she placed a hand on the back of my neck and pulled me down to whisper in my ear, "Don't stop, Dan. Fuck me! Fuck me until you come. Fuck me forever if you have to, but don't stop until you come inside me!" I lost all control at the sound of her voice, so soft, so weak and breathless, begging me on. After only a few more thrusts, I felt the tension rising in my groin, my ass clenching involuntarily. With one final motion, I pushed as deeply into C__ as I could, jarring her body nearly six inches across the bed. The tingling in my groin was so intense, I was paralyzed; I simply couldn't keep moving. My body shuddered slightly, my eyes shut tight, my hands gripped her waist, and then I exploded inside her. With a great groan of released, I collapsed on top of her, kissing her cheek, her shoulder, her hair, her mouth, any part of her my lips could reach.

After a moment, holding her, cradling her in my arms, C__ slid out from under me and propped herself up on both elbows. None of us spoke, and the rhythm of our breathing clashed in the silence. Bryan was the first to leave, an expression of bewilderment and hurt on his face. I heard the sound of a door closing and a shower running. C__ looked at me with the kindest eyes, stroking my cheek as we lay together on the bed.

"Thank you, Dan, thank you," she said, her voice almost a whisper, choked with emotion.

"I love you" was all I could manage to say. It seemed to startle her for just an instant, as if that was the last thing she expected me to say. But soon, her face regained her kind smile, and tears began to form in her crystal blue eyes. "I know," she replied, barely audible. She kissed me gently, and I tried to wrap my arms around her and kiss away the tears that now rolled freely down her cheeks. But she pulled away, got up, and went to join Bryan in the shower.

I lay there in the dim lamplight of the empty room, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Dazed, I got up, wandered around trying to find some clothes, and once dressed, made my way back out to the beach, pausing at the closed bathroom door, longing to feel C__'s carress just once more, but feeling shut out again instead.

I spent the night outside, slept on the sand, and woke at first light the next morning. After a quick dip in the waves to rinse off, I headed back to the condo. We didn't speak about it for the rest of the trip. Bryan wouldn't even look at me. And every time I tried to get a word with C__ alone, she evaded me. It tore me up inside.

That was the end, right there. A few weeks after we got back home, C__ and I had a huge fight. She accused me of expecting too much from her, expecting things she never promised. I accused her of using me; of blaming me for Bryan's jealousy when she should blame him for agreeing to let me fuck her, for encouraging her to fuck me; accused her of loving me but being too afraid. She slapped me for that. The burning in her eyes was anger and pain this time.

You can figure out the rest from here, so familiar and predictable that I'm almost ashamed to admit that C__ stormed off, that I lost contact with her, that I didn't try to see her when I came home from college, that after college I moved away for good and we never saw each other again. I'm almost tempted to make up something more significant, less melodramatically final. But there it is, regardless. An unsatisfying ending for you the reader as much as it is for me.

Every now and then, as I'm out running errands, at the store, or simply walking down the street, I catch a glimpse of someone at the periphery of my vision: a tall woman with shapely hips, blonde hair brushing her shoulders, dressed smartly in a dress suit, or in a jogging outfit with a headband and earphones, or wearing a loose silk skirt that sways vibrantly as she walks. And for an instance, I think it's her, it's C__, and my mind flips, my heart jumps, only to break quietly with the disappointment and relief of realizing it's someone I don't know, have never met, and could not possibly live up to the image of C__ etched so razor sharp in my memory. Sometimes I feel lost. When I was 18, I set my expectations so impossibly high and exceeded my wildest dreams that now, I don't think even C__ could live up to the memory I've constructed. And I've given up trying.