by carrieoct15
Way, way too short. Make up your mind whether to write first or third person and stick to it all the way through. There is a lapse here where you slipped from third person to first person and back again.
I don't have any sisters, but I know I would enjoy having a lot of hot, sexy bedtimes with her (or all of them) if I did. I doubt I would look for any other women to take to bed. this was a good read. Roy
Wow, very short!! I was really expecting a second part since it was so quick!
Nice picture! He grabs her neck in both hands and lifts her high off the ground while choking her ... real good picture! NOT!!!
READ YOUR WORDS AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU'VE WRITTEN WHAT YOU MEANT TO SAY!
very unrealistic people do not just go from being mad as hell and yelling at each other to making out in a matter of seconds hours maybe most likely days but not seconds or even minuteskeep sounding real
actually played out in real life many times
Okay, Sis, you can come home now! I would love to have a sister like you. Such a hot story!