by Debbie
While I enjoy this story, it has several issues. A constant switching between past and present tenses, for example, and then there's this sentence which repeats the word "prick" three times - something which every writer should know to avoid: "Debbie kneels in front of Duncan, taking his warm, hard throbbing prick in her hand, slipping his warm erect prick between her cold lips softly sucking on his prick."
I've always found the idea of Vampirism intrigueing and on the erotic side, more so. I give your story the thumbs up it deserves short but sweet, love to see more. Keep it up!