All Comments on 'Andromeda 01'

If you decide to write more about this pair, I shall definetly read it.

I only got about 1/2 way through the first page. I found the story kind of tiresome to read. Here are my specific suggestions:

1. Shorter paragraphs. Reading on a screen is different than reading a book, where longer paragraphs are easier to follow.

2. Shorter sentences. It seemed like you were trying to describe everything going on in a 3 block radius in one sentence. A sentence should be either one idea, or an idea with it's very closely related modifier.To that end, use more commas to break up parts, and no sentence should have more than 3 commas.

3. The machine was so... wordy. If you ever watched Star Trek,TNG and saw how impatient the crew got with Data's over speaking, you'll see what I'm talking about. You can also see the same thing on any given episode of Frasier.

4. Use an editor. Literotica has volunteer editors, and they can work with you to really smooth out rough edges.

5. Don't give up! I've written some drek myself. In this case, practice and feedback make perfect. Good luck!

this is stupid!!!!!!!

This was a good read. No huge info dumps to bore me to death like a lot of sci-fi stories with a nice balance of sensuality.

Of course there are facets that are not "realistic", virtually any story on this site isn't realistic. Given the number of variables in any situation every combination of variables is low probability, ergo "unlikely"

Any story posted for others to read if they choose, will appeal to others in a less or more manner.

Just read or dont read as you choose.