by Stardog Champion
The boyfriend was fine, but doing this to a person's parents just would not be justified in any scenario. Threaten her with it of course, but don't put them through it. In real life this kind of thing could kill somebody with a bad heart, not to mention what this would do to them mentally. She was going to get her "reward" just by marrying the guy, no need to destroy her family. Who knows, the threat of exposure to her parents, after actually exposing her to to her fiance might be
the catalyst to turn her life around and become the daughter they thought she was, might make a more interesting storyline for the long haul.
I though this was an OK story, but I couldn't keep reading. Apparently you didn't understand your English teach when she was teaching paragraphing. You story is essentially a single paragraph. Suggestion: Have an editor go through it and structure it correctly - and THEN resubmit it so that it can be read!
Where is the rest, it was a nice build up but what happened next????
Vengeance is a dish best served cold. An interesting story, but it does seem unfinished. I agree that the presentation would have been helped by a proofreading at least. I imagine I'll read more of your work if only to see if you improve.