"Arrow": Forbidden Desires

"I had a wife once, Oliver," he continued. "Her name was Adeline. She was in the military as well. Oversaw my training, even. We fell head over heels in love, got married, had three kids. I thought it was unconditional love that would last forever. Eight years later, for reasons I'll spare you from, she's holding a gun to my head. I'm not saying all romantic relationships are destined to fail, Oliver, but most are fleeting. They're dicey, and unsure. Hell, the divorce rate in your country is fifty percent. And from my experience, the relationship you're in when you're 21 years old sure as bloody hell is not going to last. There are exceptions, of course. But when one party cheats on the other with their 'beloved's' relative because of some fear of commitment, and it leads to the death of said relative...well, I'm fairly certain THAT has a zero percent success rate."

Oliver looked down in shame. Everything Slade was saying was true, although it was hard to confront. When he looked at Laurel's picture, he had been living in a world in his head where he was constantly rewinding time, where he never went on that boat trip, where he never invited Sarah. He was thinking about the past. He never looked at the picture and envisioned a happy future and reconnecting with her. It was all dwelling in the past, wallowing in regret.

Finally, Slade reached into his pocket and pulled out the item he had grabbed from his bag. He held it up so Oliver could see.

It was a rock, shaped like an arrowhead. There were Chinese characters marked all over it.

Oliver stared at it inquisitively. "What is that thing? What do the symbols on it mean"

"The symbols on this thing," Slade said as he looked down at it sadly, "are Buddhist characters symbolizing reconnecting. Of being away, and then reuniting with someone with whom you share a deep, unbreakable, unconditional love. When Yao Fei was out on missions for the Chinese government, he would make one himself, and then return home in order to give it to his daughter.

"Eventually, he showed me how to make them as well. I'm not fluent in Mandarin, but I've memorized these symbols and what they mean. At first I thought I would give them to Adeline. Well, that fell straight to hell. But there ARE people in my life who I share a true, unconditional love with. And whenever I was out doing dangerous work I didn't know if I would come back from, I would create these tokens, and would hold onto them, persevering throughout all sorts of circumstances because I knew I was motivated by reconnecting with the people I loved, and giving a token to them."

Oliver felt an immense amount of sympathy for this man who had previously mostly portrayed himself as cold-blooded. He was almost scared to ask who what loved ones he was referring to. "And the people that you loved...?"

"Grant. Joseph. Rose," Slade paused, almost getting choked up. "The people that will always love me, no matter what a fuck-up I am."

Oliver looked down solemnly. Slade didn't have to explain who those names belonged to, in relation to him. Oliver knew.

Slade then held the token out in his hand, handing it to Oliver.

"I've made this one for you. I want you to take this, and use it to think about someone who loves you unconditionally. And you better make bloody sure that it's NOT your stupid girlfriend that you cheated on. No, you're going to use this to help you think about someone who will always love you no matter what, and vice versa. And I want you to hold on to it, and think about that person's unconditional love, and think about the future. Think about the moment when you return from this island, where you will see that person again, and be able to present it. Use it as strength. Use it to think about the future."

Slade was uncharacteristically getting slightly choked up. He paused again. "Now," he continued, "do you have such a person in mind?"

Oliver took the token and stared at it. He had been so stupid. He was focusing on Laurel -- someone who likely would want nothing to do with him if he got back. He was wallowing on the past, on regret, on nostalgia.

Slade was right. He needed to focus on optimism. On reconnecting with the one person who would love him forever unconditionally for the rest of his life. The person who adored him, who loved him, who needed him in her life. And vice versa.

Finally, Oliver looked back up towards Slade. "I understand what you're saying," he finally said. "I know exactly who I have in mind. I know exactly who I'm going to give this to, if I..."

"WHEN you."

Oliver smiled at his optimism. "Right. I know exactly who I'm going to give this to....WHEN I return to Starling City."

Slade smiled and then stood up and he walked towards his makeshift bed. "Well then. Good to know. Now then, that's the end of that lesson. Don't go and expect any more sentimentality from me from this point forward. Tomorrow we pick up swords for combat, and I'm not going to take it easy on you."

Oliver smiled, then returned towards his bed as well. "I'm ready for your worst, Crocodile Dundee," he laughed as he went to bed.

Three months later, they missed the plane. Oliver stayed on the island for four years after that night.

Throughout those four years, Oliver kept the token on his person the entire time.

And throughout those four years, he thought of Thea.

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A few hours later after falling asleep, Oliver awoke. The grass and dirt he imagined himself sleeping on slowly transformed into the soft mattress he was actually sleeping on in the present day.

Still groggy from the sleep and the alcohol, he slowly re-oriented himself. He wasn't on the island anymore. He was back home. He was on a soft bed, in his bedroom in the Queen family mansion.

And there was a warm body next to him. His arm was around her. His head was nuzzled between her neck and shoulder.

He took a moment to run his hand up and down her body. She was wearing only a tiny nightgown, and her panties. She was curled up and pressed against him, as he lay in only his boxers.

He took a moment to process who it could be. Laurel? No, she hated him. She had moved on. Never again.

Carrie Cutler, some other random woman he had found? He thought back to the previous night. No, he hadn't gone out to a club or anything. The rest of the night, he had stayed home, he had spent time with...

Oh God.

Speedy.

He readjusted himself, leaned over, and looked her in the face to make sure.

At some point when he was asleep, Speedy had come back into his room and crawled into his bed with him. The same way she used to do when she was little. When she had a nightmare, or was scared, and sought big brother's comforting and loving arms to reassure her and help her sleep.

Oliver's readjusting in bed caused Thea to wake up in turn. She slowly yawned, then turned around to face him. She smiled as she looked into his eyes.

"Hey there, big brother."

"Thea," he said solemnly, "what are you doing in my bed?"

She looked downwards, sadly. "Ollie, I...I'm sorry, but I couldn't sleep. I was having nightmares. I remembered that, years ago, when I would crawl into your bed, you would always comfort me, and sleep next to me...and whenever you did, I felt safe knew everything was okay." She looked down for a moment before reconnecting with eyes. "Listen, I know it's dumb...I hope you don't think of me as a dumb little girl."

Oliver was of two minds about this proposal. On one hand, he loved his little sister, and wanted to reconnect with her as much as possible, and he remembered all the times baby Speedy would get scared and he would innocently comfort her by allowing her to sleep in his bed in order to reassure her. On the other hand, he had to struggle with the fact that she was an adult now and that he was now physically attracted to her now-beautiful form, so allowing her to sleep in his bed could potentially contain less-than-innocent connotations at this point in their lives.

"I don't know, Speedy. Listen, I love you, and I want to reassure you and comfort you...but...don't you think we're a little too old for this? I mean, for God's sake, Thea, we're both barely wearing anything. It's a little bit weird."

Thea didn't say anything for a few moments, instead looking up at her big brother's eyes with an innocence, hope, and sadness that warmed his heart.

"Weird?" she said with a sniffle. "You think it's 'weird' to comfort your little sister who has been through so much? Who thought she lost you? Ollie...you don't understand. I've been...alone...for so long. So lonely. For five years, I felt that there was no one in the world who truly loved me, or cared for me..."

"Come on, Speedy," he replied quickly. "What about Mom? What about Walter?"

"No, Ollie. It's not like that. First of all, Walter is a nice guy, I like him and everything, but he's not really family, we were on good terms but he could never really love me like a real father. Besides, he's gone now, who knows if he'll come back. And Mom? Well, I mean, I know that deep down Mom loves me, but she's so cold most of the time...so distant...and sometimes I feel like she doesn't care about me much at all."

"How can you say that? Mom loves you, she..."

"No, Ollie. You were right, earlier, when you told her to be harsher on me. I kind of was mad at you for it, but you were right. Mom let me do whatever I want, never disciplined me, because she didn't really care. I know deep down that she loves me, but she never shows it. Never says it. But you, Ollie? You care about me...enough to let me know when I'm making bad decisions. "

She leaned in and hugged him. And then decided to pour her heart out.

"Ollie...for five years, I've felt like there was no one in the world who really, truly loved me. Who accepted me for who I am, despite all my mistakes, and was watching out for me, and would love me forever. And now, I have someone like that back in my life. Back from the dead. And even though you've been back for a few months, I still can't really process it. I can't believe you're real. I've had so many sleepless nights, so many horrible nightmares...but when I was younger, when I was in your loving arms after having nightmares, I dozed off so soon. And now you're back. And I still can't truly believe that you're real, and that you're here. And I know the island has changed you, that you're a different person now, just like I've become a different person in the last five years,. But I know that underneath it all, you're still the same Ollie that I remember."

Reciprocating the embrace, Oliver began to tear up as he stroked her hair lovingly while she continued. "You've changed on the island, to be sure. But deep down? You're still the same person. The same loving big brother who used to read me bedtime stories and would tell me how much he loved me whenever I asked, and would pick me up in his arms and spin me around. The same Ollie who would turn down invitations to go to parties or whatever because he needed to stay home whenever I was feeling sad, lonely, or was sick. You're the only person who I knew would always love me. And for so long, I thought I lost you forever. But now, you're back. And I still can't believe that you're real...that you're really back here, with me. Please....let me sleep in your bed tonight, Ollie. I know we're too old for it and that people will think it's weird or whatever, but I need to know that you're here. I need to know that you're back in my life, for real."

Oliver knew the potential consequences. But he couldn't deny her. Not now.

He leaned in and kissed Thea on the forehead. "Okay, sis. I'll stay with you."

Thea smiled at her big brother, then turned around and nestled her body against him again. "Thank you, Ollie. I love you. And I always will."

He kissed her on the shoulder. "Ditto," he said simply.

As the two siblings began to doze off, he thought about how much he loved her. How much he had always cared for her.

But it was quite difficult for him. There was a beautiful grown woman, one that he didn't quite recognize, who was curled up beside him and in his arms at the moment. And she was wearing next to nothing, while her body nestled besides him.

Stop. Stop thinking that way. This is your sister. She's here with you for comfort. Nothing else. He tried to force himself to go to sleep.

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With her big brother's arms around her, Thea couldn't help but smile. So far, everything had been going perfectly. In Ollie's arms, she felt so warm, so loved, so protected.

But she wanted more.

She loved him so much, she couldn't help it. She considered her options. Ollie seemed to be sleeping now. Oh, how she wished that she could reach her hand back, to touch him intimately...but she didn't know how he would react. She didn't want to ruin this pure love.

Most of her speech to him had been completely true, but she had lied to him about the "having nightmares" part. She wasn't having nightmares. She was having pleasant dreams...about him. About him holding her, touching her, loving her. And she decided to act upon them.

She didn't give a damn about what "society" thought. And she sure as hell didn't care what scientists thought, with their ribosomes and crap about why it was wrong. All she knew was that there was a beautiful man holding her in his arms that would always love her, and she wanted him. Physically.

If she knew that Oliver was just leading a normal life and would be there for the rest of hers, that would be one thing. But he wasn't. She already knew what it was like to lose him once, and now he was putting his life on the line at least twice a week. She might lose him again. Lose this opportunity. She had to put herself out there, make her true feelings known. She had to know what it was like to touch him...to feel him. At least once. She had spent so much time thinking about it, she had to do something to further it.

She sighed and hesitated for a moment. She loved the feel of big brother's warm body against her as he spooned her. She knew she could sleep peacefully with him around her. Still, she didn't know how many other nights he would let such an arrangement continue, he made it perfectly clear that he thought it was kind of weird. She had to strike now, if this was ever going to happen.

Slowly and hesitantly, she reached her right arm behind her body. She started by placing her arm on his abs. God, they were so chiseled, so perfect. But what she really wanted to hold was just a bit lower than that.

She slowly moved her arms lower down his body. Her hand found the edge of his boxer shorts. She continued to move her hand downwards, on the outside of them, and slowly began to wrap her hand around the outline of his member through the cloth.

God, it was so big. So much bigger than any other guy she had ever been with. She shuddered as she considered the last statement...at the possibility of "being with" Oliver.

She started to move her hand up and down as she held his member from the outside of his boxers. She smiled as she felt it slowly harden as she grasped it. In his sleep, Oliver let out a pleased moaning sound, which she smiled at.

Eventually, she decided to go for the real thing. After a pause, her hand moved back up towards his abdomen, then back down towards him. But instead of going on the outside of his boxers, she slipped her hand underneath them. She slowly reached down and grabbed Ollie's naked and now partially erect member.

She couldn't believe it. It was happening. Maybe he would wake up in a moment and be horrified, but for this particular moment in time, she was able to feel Ollie intimately and purely.

Her lithe fingers slowly started to move up and down his shaft, as he continued to quietly moan in his sleep as his member continued to harden under her touch.

Encouraged, she began to go faster. She flipped her body around to allow her easier access, and moved her left hand down his boxers as well so she could feel him with both hands.

It felt so perfect. So natural.

And then, he woke up.

Oliver groaned at first. He enjoyed the pleasure of whoever was touching him. Then, he slowly opened his eyes.

And he saw who was administrating this treatment. It took him awhile to process it. Then, he realized.

As soon as he woke up and realized who was touching him intimately, Oliver sprung out of the bed and bolted upright. He reached towards the light and flipped it on.

"Speedy? SPEEDY!" he suddenly yelled. Although slightly disoriented by the light suddenly turning on, Thea looked towards him.

"What is it, Ollie?"

"Speedy, I..." Oliver paced back and forth across the room in a panicked state. He paused, composed himself, and continued.

"Speedy, I understand your emotional needs. OK? But still, I think it's not entirely appropriate for us to share the same bed. I think you should go to your own bedroom."

"Oh yeah?" Thea smiled. "And why do you say that?"

"Thea, please, just trust me."

"No," she said adamantly. "I want to stay with you. Why do you want me to leave so bad? Don't you love me?"

Oliver couldn't believe this line of questioning. She had obviously forgotten who was lying next to her, leading to the inappropriate touching she had obviously inadvertently initiated. As awkward as it was, he supposed his only option was to tell her the entire awkward truth.

"Speedy, I...oh God, this is going to be so awkward. But, listen, I...I don't think we can do this innocently."

"What do you mean?"

"Listen, I...oh, God, this is going to sound weird...but...I think for a little while there you forgot who you were lying next to. I think you thought I was someone else."

Thea propped herself up on her side with a satisfied smile. "And what makes you say that, big brother?"

"Let's not get into detail about it. Come on, back to your room, now."

"No, really. I want to know what made you think that. What happened?"

Oliver sighed for a moment. She was obviously not catching on to his clues. He would obviously have to spell it out to some degree, which he dreaded.

"Listen, Speedy, I...look...you obviously didn't realize who was next to you. You started to...oh God, this is awkward, but, umm...you started to..." he paused again to collect his thoughts, then continued. "You started to...umm...touch me. Inappropriately."

Thea smiled to herself. He thought that her touches were the result of some unintended nocturnal urges. She supposed she could cut her losses, and go back to bed. After all, she had finally been able to feel him, intimately, at least for a moment. If she left now, he would be none the wiser to her incestuous urges.

But she was feeling particularly greedy at the moment. She couldn't help but notice that despite his discovery of the identity of the person giving him his nocturnal rubbings, Oliver's hardness had not softened. This was the time. She had to go for broke. After that little display, no way was he ever letting her sleep in his bed again.

Thea stood up from the bed. Clad only in a skimpy nightgown and panties, she noticed that Oliver didn't even try to take his eyes off of her. She seductively soldered towards him, and then placed her arms around his strong neck, and looked into his eyes.

"Ollie," she finally said with her arms around him. She leaned into his ear and seductively whispered into it. "First of all, I wasn't asleep...and I knew exactly who was next to me."

Oliver took a few moments to process this information. His own sister, his own baby Speedy...she had touched him. She had touched him...there. And she knew exactly what she was doing. Oh, God.

With her arms draped around him, Thea moved in to give him a kiss. A deep, intimate kiss, in which there was no hiding her intentions. Against his better judgment, Oliver couldn't help but reciprocate. Their tongues intertwined as they explored each other's mouths passionately for a few moments.