As It Seems Ch. 09

"Where the fuck has you been? Had better not be with that skinny white boy again. I called the cops once I'll do it again!" her dad cornered her grabbing her wrist twisting it down.

"Let me go," she said through gritted teeth. Her word ringing familiar isn't that what she just told Gauge to do?

"I'm your father you talk to me with respect!" he slapped the back of her head. Her ears rang and vision blurred. She gasped, instinctively pushing him back. He tripped over his feet barely able to stand straight. She shook her head to clear the buzzing.

"You want respect!" she yelled, her body trembled her stomach knotted, "how am I supposed to respect you! I can't remember the last time you were sober! Canyoudaddy?" her voice was mixture of desperation and anger, love and hate.

He stalked over to her, he tried to tower above her but his vision was so glassy and the world around him spun, "gal you better watch your fucking mouth." his hand rough as he gripped her cheek. His hands were heavy sand paper cutting into her skin. So different from Gauge's firm but soft hands. She wanted to be with him now and she was holding back to take care of this asshole! The flash of hurt and loss softened her. She let down her guard; his fist came down hard on the left side of her cheek. She gasped falling back against the door. He pointed down his eyes dark and murky full of threats, "youwillfucking respect me. Don't think you're all high and mighty because you hang out with that white boy. And don't think he wants anything from you but to see what it's like to have some black pussy." She wondered how he could aim so easily at her heart and not even be able to stand straight.

"Who would want a little black thing like you any way? You're probably not even good for nothing' but laying on your back and maybe not even that." He kicked his foot into her side making her gasp and curl into herself. He went between yelling at her and mumbling to himself, but she couldn't hear anything blood rushed through her ears. She bit on her tongue to keep from crying out. What good would it do to fight back? He was so much bigger standing over 6' foot tall his build so heavy and compact even with all of the abuse to his body. His dark glowing eyes made him even more intimidating.

Bella's heart hammered. She heard the familiar crack in her nose as his fists came down hard. Blood burned a path down dripping onto her lips, her ears rang, her head swam. She choked slowly shaking her head to stop the room from spinning. His voice was in and out of her head, she couldn't focus.

She lost track of all the names he called her, of how many times he kicked her before he tired himself out sitting on the floor next to her. The buzzing in her head eased and she could hear his shuddering sobs.

"Baby, baby Oh my God, Please baby I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'd never hurt my little girl." She would have laughed if she didn't think she was about to wretch. She knew he believed it despite the blatant evidence of his lie. Her body echoed with kicks and punches. She licked her lips and winced. The overly sweet metallic flavor of blood soaked through her tongue. She tried to measure her injuries based on the pain she was in. Bella was positive her nose was brokenagain, her lip was split. She couldn't be too worried about that, there was nothing a doctor could do if she went anyway. It was the constant ringing in her ears, the dizziness when she tried to move, the overwhelming need to throw up that had her panicked and fed up with life. She laughed at herself again, what life did she have, she was as trapped by her father's addiction as he was. She didn't have the strength or wits to flinch when her father pulled her into his arms. She didn't feel the same comfort as when Gauge held her. Even when Gauge was so angry with her she thought he'd explode he'd pull her close and whisper to her gently persuading her to see his side. Realization cleared her mind filling her with determination. Gauge loved her. He really loved her, and her father blinded her to it. She gave him up for this? She was sacrificing the one thing the one person who loved her because she was afraid of loosing or disappointing him. She had just done both with nothing to show for it in the end but another broken nose and busted lip. Who knew what else would get bruised, busted or broken before the night was over?

Bella knew she wasn't good enough for Gauge and she proved it over and over again. Instead of denying him she should be inspired to make herself worth his love. The ringing stopped and awareness zeroed in. Her father was rocking her kissing her forehead. His tears mingled with her own burning her open cuts. He sobbed empty promises he had made a hundred thousand times before. She stood fighting waves of nausea.

"I'm not doing this anymore." She said, her words grounded her. Her voice didn't have the usual fluctuation of uncertainty. She was stating a fact. She was done; she already lost too much to keep going on like this. "I can't do this anymore, daddy, I can't keep-"she raised her arms as words failed her. She waved her arms in front of her face to indicate the whole picture.

"No baby, I won't do it again, I'll get help. I'll get clean." His word didn't reach her. He made that promise so many times, and she always hoped always imagined...so much time had been wasted hoping. He stood over her edging her into the wall. "Don't leave me," he begged hugging her. She winced and gasped as he caused more pain than comfort, squeezing her tender bruises. She felt the desperation of his grasp.

"I can't daddy; I can't-just let me go." She finally understood him and his actions. She understood the words he literally pounded into her head over the years. She was worthless, she was going to end up like her mother, and she ruined his life. He didn't want her to leave. If hope were wings he clipped hers off with his brutality. He made certain she couldn't fly away.

"If you think-"she smiled through swollen lips feeling the crusty scab crack.

"That's not going to work, I'm done with this. I'm leaving dad. Either on my feet or in a body bag but either way this ends tonight." She braced herself lifting her head and squaring her shoulders. She pulled out of his shocked grasp. His grip branded her arms. His eyes widened flashing with fear and anger. Sweat beaded down his face. She knew the truth of her words just then, she knew the only way he'd let her go was in a body bag. Her only regret was not giving herself and Gauge a chance.

"You're going to end up dead just like your no good mama." His words knocked the wind out of her, shocking her in to stillness. He used her shock to jump on her slapping, punching, swearing. She blocked him as she gained enough power to push him back. Her foot caught his stomach and her legs propelled forward hitting him hard knocking him back. He tripped over his feet falling back his head landing with a loud ding on the coffee table.

She scrambled up and back waiting for him to charge her again. He didn't, he stared at her stunned as blood poured from his head. She couldn't see how bad he was hurt. Her right eye was swelling and filling with liquid and blood was pouring into her left eye. Adrenaline pumped through her pushing her into action. She grabbed her emergency back pack and ran out the door. She kept running until she reached the only safe place she knew. The only place she could escape his clouded gaze.

***

Gauge walked down the street, he thought about going to Alexa's to apologize. His words were harsh but he decided against it. He would go see her later. Right now he just wanted to loose himself. A friend invited him to a house party. That's where his late night walk was taking him.

He knew he was getting close. He could feel the pounding beats and rhythm of the music through the sidewalk. His ears perked he followed the faint sound until it became louder and louder. Until the music was so loud it pumped through his veins and made everything around him bounce.

The house over flowed with people dancing, laughing, talking, smoking, drinking. He hesitated maybe he should go to Bella try to make her listen to him, understand that he wasn't going to hurt her. He cursed himself. How many times had he done that already? Anger covered his hurt. It was fine if she wanted nothing to with him. What the fuck did he care if she quit the pub to get away from him. So he wasn't going to her again. He blocked out images of what her father was probably doing to her right now. She made her choice and now both of them would have to live with it. He was going to forget her and move on.

He squeezed through dancing bodies towards the plastic cups sitting on the table. The cups were full of some bright neon red liquid. He sniffed it, "holy sweet mother," he choked he couldn't tell what it was but he was sure that he might go blind if he drank it. It was just what he needed. He glanced around there was no sign of his friend but he couldn't see through all the smoke and meshed bodies any way. It was better that he didn't see him he just wanted to hang. He wanted to loose himself in music, and booze, and if he found the right table he maybe able to find stronger amnesia. What he assumed was the living room was littered with people and every so often there was a table set with different extracurricular activities.

He wouldn't let himself think of Bella. He was on drugs when he met her. She didn't know it, she never knew it. He wasn't addicted it was just something he did as recreation. Some people play sports, some people watch movies, and some smoke bowls of skunk weed. He let out a sigh before he sat at one of the tables. It would be the perfect way to forget those large soulful dark eyes, that beautiful soft brown skin, the sound of her voice, the dimple in her left cheek-"fuck!" he growled.

"Hey man nothin' to get upset over there's more on the way," one of the men at the table said puffing on sloppy half smoked joint. Gauge frowned slightly and realized someone was taking the empty bowl away. It was quickly replaced along with wrappers and lighters. He pulled a wrapper for himself and neatly laid the sweet smelling herbs on it. "And if you want to add a cherry to your sundae the table over there has some dust." The same dude who promised a refresher said slowly. His eyes were closed he had long blonde hair. His voice mellowed out by years of use. He looked like a throw back from the 60's.

"Thanks man." Gauge said before licking the wrapper closed, "this is good for now." He stared at the joint. He licked his lips. He missed feeling the paper on his lips, the feeling of ease the smoke gave him, but what he really missed was Bella. He wasn't sure if he could face her again if he lit-up. If he smoked it then he was admitting that there was no hope for them. He couldn't let that go, there was the chance she'd come around. But it had to be her. He couldn't chase her or force her to feel like he did.

He looked up and gazed around the room. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. Someone was watching him, "c'mon man don't pussy out!" he gritted his teeth, the music hammered in his head making it throb.

"I can't man, my P.O. has it out for me." Connor said turning his eyes to meet Spice.

"Dude, we'll take care of your P.O. just have a taste." Mackey sat on the couch eyeing Connor and Spice. Maybe that was the gaze Connor felt on him or it was probably D.J. mean mugging him from afar. Spice was one of Melendez's head men. Connor wasn't sure what he did but he knew you couldn't make it very far with Melendez if Spice didn't dig you. He was short and thin his body ripped with lean muscle. He looked like he had 1% body fat. His skin was smooth and bright as manicured as his finger nails.

The tray of white powder was tempting. He'd do anything to stop the merciless pulse in his head. He eyed the lines he could easily blow this. If he sniffed this case was over, if he didn't he wouldn't get any further than he was right now. He pulled out his wallet taking out an old tattered bill. He rolled it tight. He glanced up again giving himself a few moments to think of an out, when his gaze met with a familiar silver one.

Gauge had an un-smoked joint in his hand and he was staring at Connor in half shock and half disbelief. What the fuck was Gauge doing here? Was Janabelle or Alexa here too? Gauge's head leaned to the side silently asking why Connor was there. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He worried that Gauge would approach him. He had to do this, he had to do it fast and it had to be done just right. He leaned foreword. He pulled the line back. When it was gone he pressed his nose with his fingers and as he pulled it down using slight of hand he plucked a hair to make his eyes water.

"Goddamn!" he shook his head. He licked his lips freezing as crystals stuck on his tongue. The bitterness puckered his mouth and he almost snatched the smirk off of Spice's face. It wasn't coke, it was fucking baking powder! Connor's face flushed. His life! His career! Almost ended over some fucking baking powder. If he didn't lick his lips he would have never even known. He glanced at the floor making sure there was no evidence of what he really did with it.

"That was some good shit wasn't it?" Spice winked.

"It was fucking baking powder!" he growled.

"Man, told you not to worry about your P.O. we just had to make sure you were down." Spice shrugged his demeanor changing. Now he was serious the same cold calculation he saw in Melendez's eyes were in Spice's. "I've fucked with you enough tonight, this is a party, go have some fun and I'll call you later for some real money." Spice dismissed him eyeing a girl dancing.

"Cool, later." He said unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. He was sure nobody heard him anyway. Mackey was talking to a girl who just sat down and Spice inclined his head to the girl dancing. She walked over to him and sat on his lap.

"C you want one?" Mackey asked nipping at the girl's neck.

"No, I need to get some sleep; I'll check ya'll later." He walked away he should have stayed to see if he could find out anything, but he was fucking tired. So tired of games and lies he just wanted to sleep the day off. Besides he had to get Gauge out of here and the girls too. He glanced around the room. No sign of Gauge. He should be relieved but he wasn't there was still a chance the he or the girls might be here. Just as Connor let out a breath of relief that they weren't there he heard commotion outside.

"What the fuck is yo' problem?" he saw a tall well built man sticking his fingers in someone's face. He had a sinking feeling that the white hand that pushed it out of his face belonged to Gauge.

"Right now asshole it's you." Connor pushed his way through the gathering crowd. He closed his eyes just what he fucking needed. When opened them again the two men were face to face. Gauge wasn't backing down even thought the other man was the same height and out weighed him by about 100 pounds. The other man pushed Gauge backwards.

"If you wanted to fucking dance..." Gauge said his fist cracked into the man's jaw. There was a collection of ooohs and ahhhs from the crowd. Connor winced as blood squirted out. The man touched his mouth, looked at Gauge then at the crowd. Connor knew this man was more concerned about his pride than anything else and that was really dangerous situation.

"Break it up," Connor jumped in before anymore punches were thrown. Gauge stared at him blankly. As he dragged him away.

"No you don't mothafucka I got yo' ass!'' the other man pushed Connor out of the way jumping on Gauge. He only had the advantage for a minute before Gauge recovered rolling on top of him matching blows and blood. He made this man the personification of his frustration beating it into the concrete.

"Enough!" Connor picked Gauge up dragging him cussing and screaming.

"Dude I can't believe you let that skinny white boy beat yo' ass!" someone in the background laughed. Connor's legs moved quick as he dragged Gauge along.

"Let's go we need to get the fuck out of here."

"He got a gun!" somebody shouted and everyone screamed ducking running for cover.

"Fuck! Inside!" they made it to his car just before shots rang out. Connor ran too the other side stabbing his key in the ignition almost breaking it in half as he turned it. They both could still hear the shots ringing and people screaming as he peeled out.

"You need a hospital." He said glancing at Gauge once they were a safe distance away. He was holding his side and blood gushed from his face.

"I'm cool, I just need to go home." He croaked gasping as he moved in the seat. "Take a left at the next light."

"If I can't talk you into going to the hospital at least let me take you to Bella" Gauge let out a snort and turned his head. It wasn't lost on Connor but now wasn't the time to ask, "then Alexa-"

"She's on a date-I'm good just too much to drink." Connor felt like he was punched in the gut. He spent nights thinking about her dreaming about her. Lying to himself about his motive for wanting to take Gauge to her. He wanted to see her. Even if she was yelling or glaring or trying to ignore him. He thought keeping his distance would break her free from his mind.

"Is it serious?"

"I don't know," Gauge shrugged honestly. He wasn't surprised by Connor's question. "He hasn't met her folks yet, until then I would say no. he has to get Papa Jo's approval. Hang a right." Gauge studied Connor, "you should call her she's been worried."

"About what she can't stand me."

Gauge shrugged, "if you say so. This building. By the way if you do talk to her let's keep this field trip between us." Gauge got out of the car.

"You really need a hospital. Or at least-" Connor sighed as Gauge waved him off. He wondered what Gauge saw at the party. If he would tell alexa he was a user along with all of the other awful things he knew she thought about him. She looked at him with undisguised disgust.

"Thanks for helping me, and don't worry about me telling anyone anything. Just don't get too caught up in that shit." Gauge said before limping to his door. Connor nodded, he set his lips into a grim line to stop the explanation ready to run through him. Part of his job was making people think the worst about him.

"Call me if you need anything." He said leaving as Gauge entered his apartment.

Gauge closed the door behind him locking out the world. He leaned against it and sighed. His body throbbed as he stumbled to his bedroom. Frustration made his eyes heavy with tears.

A street light invaded his curtains casting a bright blue light into his room falling on his bed. He frowned squinting his eyes, there was a petite silhouette curled under his covers. He moved closer he felt a mix of anger and relief. He knew the only reason she would be there. He knew if he turned on the lights and studied her face she'd be bruised and swollen. He was happy that she came to him even after the things he said to her. He reached out to touch her and she moved kicking off the covers, exposing her beautiful brown legs. She was searing one of his rolling stones t-shirts and it was bunched up her thighs showing off her white cotton panties. His body responded and he groaned. He backed away, he needed to clean himself up and assess the damage. He'd sleep on the couch and make sure she couldn't sneak off in the morning.

He alternated between hot and cold water in his shower gritting his teeth as he tried to bring his body under control. He lay on the couch tossing and turning he stared into the darkness, his mind racing. He needed to hold her. She was here and he needed to be close even if she ran away tomorrow. Tonight he could hold her. He went in to his room easing in beside her.